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VG Trip Report Part I - So this is Puerto Rico, Mexico?
VG Trip Report Part I - So this is Puerto Rico, Mexico?
Dates: June 2-8, 2008
The Players:
Honey - My husband Dave or the a$$ formerly known as honey
chrisn - Me, I'm Chris(tine)
Drama Girl - My 20 yr old daughter Shye(lynn)
Critter Boy - My 10 yr old son (Nick)holas
Hello forum peeps! For those of you whom have not yet experienced my warped sense of humor, I will start off by saying that this is a work of comical (in my mind) non-fiction as seen through my eyes. I love to re-live my trips vicariously through myself and if any of you "get" me, gain information or just have a laugh at my ramblings, then I have done my job. We need to mix it up with some whack a$$ trip report (Jorge, I mean you) once in a while just for fun anyway, right? One warning, I'm kinda wordy so this will be a long drawn out process. What's that saying about paybacks?
On with the circus!
We arrived at Salt Lake International at 7:00 for an 8:40 flight. "Oh, we've been trying to reach you." At this second my stomach drops and I'm thinking sh*t! "Your flight to DFW this morning was canceled. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." After the word canceled, I pretty much shut down all functioning. Everything she said after "canceled" just registered as Charlie Brown's teacher language. Lets just say that I don't handle stress very well.
For those of you thinking, didn't the bimbo confirm?...
At this second I have officially entered panic mode "BUT I CONFIRMED OUR FLIGHTS!" "There was a mechanical issue with the aircraft, I was hoping to get you on the Chicago flight but it leaves at 7:30." At this second, my brain is searching for the correct expletive but sh*t doesn't seem nearly strong enough for the situation so my brain is wanting to pull out the big guns and drop an F bomb. Since I like to pretend that I am a lady, my mouth refused to speak it though. After giving myself whiplash to see what time it was (7:05), and trying to control my heart palpitations and hyperventilation, I beg "oh PLEASE, PLEASE get us on that flight!" She is typing a million wpm and another lady is on the horn. She tells us to "run like hell" to security. Well you don't have to tell me twice. It was full on Lion King, my mane flapping wildly behind me. When we reached the security check point my heart dropped. I swear to Gawd, the line queue staring me in the face was reminiscent of Disney World's Splash Mountain on a Summer day with a temp of about 96 and 100 percent humidity!
THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!
I grabbed the attendant, my tongue stumbling through a hurried explanation and she says "you're going to have to have someone escort you to the front of the line." This is where Honey took matters into his own hands. He says to c'mon and we obediently follow. He takes us to the front of line, mutters something to a very sympathetic lady who let us butt in front of everyone, and gets us to the screeners. I am shaking and fighting back alligator tears as I enter full on stripper mode and rip off my jacket and sparkle strap Reef flip flops throwing everything in the bins. Gawd, I hate the zip lock rule. The screener says "who's bag is this?" Nickie put a tube of toothpaste in his carryon. Can it get any worse? "who's bag is this?" My hand sanitizer and lip gloss are in my tote bag. Lady whips out the F bomb again because yes, it can get worse! We manage to make it through security and we are running like hell again to the other side of the airport (of course). The good thing is, I didn't even have time to be humiliated about butting. We board that plane at 7:25, every one of us in a different section of the plane and our carry-on's scattered to the winds but who gives a rats a$$ at this point right?
This sentiment was of course felt before I was squeezed in between Mr. Conservative and stinky snore boy but hey, at least I don't have to deal with Drama Girl's negative attitude. The girl is channeling Cruella Deville and my Nicholas is taking the brunt of it like a champ! I do need to give props to Mr. Conservative as he did offer his seat to Drama Girl. Ummm, that would be a no thanks. Right about now, I am overdue to break out the mini bottles in my carryon and stinky snore boy looks like he'd be willing to tie one on with me, but I am in row 12 and I'm pretty sure my booze is back in row 127 seat F mixed in with Mohawk kid's personal effects.
So we are cruising at our altitude and I am reading my book, The Host by Stephenie Meyer. The manboy on my left is sleeping with his mouth open. He is snoring and progressively getting louder and louder. Also, his head keeps inching closer and closer to my shoulder and he smells like he skipped the shower this am. All of a sudden, it dawns on me to check my tickets. I grab my tote and whip them out. 3 San Juan to STT tickets are missing. Mine is the only one there so hey, I guess we're good then! Because of my OCD traveling organizational tendencies however, as I am trying to read, my brain is thinking tickets, tickets, tickets so I really could not concentrate.
We finally land in Chicago and I bolt out to the first counter I come to and enquire about the missing tickets. The rep says not a problem and reprints so we are good. I feel better. I hate being OCD! We passed the first of many Starbucks at Ohare and Drama Girl starts in with "I need a Strawberry Creme Frappachino!" "Let's just get to the gate" I say, this is Ohare, I am sure there will be 27 more Starbucks on the way. I ended up getting her the frapp at the first one in order to shut her up. Wise choice, and you know what? We did pass 27 more Starbucks along the way.
We're off to San Juan and during the flight Drama Girl starts crying. She's a terrible flyer and thought the plane was going to crash. I would call what we experienced normal, minor turbulence but well I don't call her Drama Girl for nothing. As we landed, she turns to me with a smile and says "so this is Puerto Rico, Mexico?" I just sat there with this dumbfounded look on my face. Ok, who are you and what have you done with my daughter? That remark has got to be one of the most spastic things I have ever heard come out of her mouth! I mean, the girl is a straight A student. She received an academic scholarship. Did she sleep through Geography? OMG that was funny!
Remember those totally cute sparkle strap Reef flip-flops I had to rip off at security? I developed blisters under the straps breaking them in during the 8 tough miles it took to get to our departure gate in San Juan. Sucks to be me. On the glorified prop plane ride to STT, I realized I left my new book at the gate in Puerto Rico, Mexico and I was pi$$ed because I was just getting into it and I saved it just for the trip. Good thing I remembered to bust out my minis. I was seriously overdue!!! You know what? I was kinda freaked for the flight from San Juan to STT but that plane flies great and it was basically up and down. No problem to do it again now that I know.
Our checked stuff made it and we grabbed a taxi to Emerald Beach. I really like this place because it's 2 minutes to the airport and it's on a great beach with a great pool and a nice bar and restaurant. We stay here every time and will continue to do so. I wouldn't want to stay for there for a full vacation, but for passing in the night, it's perfect.
Note to self: Totally cute sparkle flip-flops are sometimes not conducive to comfort; but I guess the fat burning and cardio benefits from race walking 8 tough miles through the San Juan airport were worth the discomfort! Score one for me!!!
I hope I didn't bore you with our travel day but obviously we can't do anything even as mundane as flying without turning it into the Ringling Bros so I felt the need to record it for posterity!
Next Up - Efforts are rewarded...after a small glitch!
p.s. Sorry, no pics of travel day
The Players:
Honey - My husband Dave or the a$$ formerly known as honey
chrisn - Me, I'm Chris(tine)
Drama Girl - My 20 yr old daughter Shye(lynn)
Critter Boy - My 10 yr old son (Nick)holas
Hello forum peeps! For those of you whom have not yet experienced my warped sense of humor, I will start off by saying that this is a work of comical (in my mind) non-fiction as seen through my eyes. I love to re-live my trips vicariously through myself and if any of you "get" me, gain information or just have a laugh at my ramblings, then I have done my job. We need to mix it up with some whack a$$ trip report (Jorge, I mean you) once in a while just for fun anyway, right? One warning, I'm kinda wordy so this will be a long drawn out process. What's that saying about paybacks?
On with the circus!
We arrived at Salt Lake International at 7:00 for an 8:40 flight. "Oh, we've been trying to reach you." At this second my stomach drops and I'm thinking sh*t! "Your flight to DFW this morning was canceled. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." After the word canceled, I pretty much shut down all functioning. Everything she said after "canceled" just registered as Charlie Brown's teacher language. Lets just say that I don't handle stress very well.
For those of you thinking, didn't the bimbo confirm?...
At this second I have officially entered panic mode "BUT I CONFIRMED OUR FLIGHTS!" "There was a mechanical issue with the aircraft, I was hoping to get you on the Chicago flight but it leaves at 7:30." At this second, my brain is searching for the correct expletive but sh*t doesn't seem nearly strong enough for the situation so my brain is wanting to pull out the big guns and drop an F bomb. Since I like to pretend that I am a lady, my mouth refused to speak it though. After giving myself whiplash to see what time it was (7:05), and trying to control my heart palpitations and hyperventilation, I beg "oh PLEASE, PLEASE get us on that flight!" She is typing a million wpm and another lady is on the horn. She tells us to "run like hell" to security. Well you don't have to tell me twice. It was full on Lion King, my mane flapping wildly behind me. When we reached the security check point my heart dropped. I swear to Gawd, the line queue staring me in the face was reminiscent of Disney World's Splash Mountain on a Summer day with a temp of about 96 and 100 percent humidity!
THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!
I grabbed the attendant, my tongue stumbling through a hurried explanation and she says "you're going to have to have someone escort you to the front of the line." This is where Honey took matters into his own hands. He says to c'mon and we obediently follow. He takes us to the front of line, mutters something to a very sympathetic lady who let us butt in front of everyone, and gets us to the screeners. I am shaking and fighting back alligator tears as I enter full on stripper mode and rip off my jacket and sparkle strap Reef flip flops throwing everything in the bins. Gawd, I hate the zip lock rule. The screener says "who's bag is this?" Nickie put a tube of toothpaste in his carryon. Can it get any worse? "who's bag is this?" My hand sanitizer and lip gloss are in my tote bag. Lady whips out the F bomb again because yes, it can get worse! We manage to make it through security and we are running like hell again to the other side of the airport (of course). The good thing is, I didn't even have time to be humiliated about butting. We board that plane at 7:25, every one of us in a different section of the plane and our carry-on's scattered to the winds but who gives a rats a$$ at this point right?
This sentiment was of course felt before I was squeezed in between Mr. Conservative and stinky snore boy but hey, at least I don't have to deal with Drama Girl's negative attitude. The girl is channeling Cruella Deville and my Nicholas is taking the brunt of it like a champ! I do need to give props to Mr. Conservative as he did offer his seat to Drama Girl. Ummm, that would be a no thanks. Right about now, I am overdue to break out the mini bottles in my carryon and stinky snore boy looks like he'd be willing to tie one on with me, but I am in row 12 and I'm pretty sure my booze is back in row 127 seat F mixed in with Mohawk kid's personal effects.
So we are cruising at our altitude and I am reading my book, The Host by Stephenie Meyer. The manboy on my left is sleeping with his mouth open. He is snoring and progressively getting louder and louder. Also, his head keeps inching closer and closer to my shoulder and he smells like he skipped the shower this am. All of a sudden, it dawns on me to check my tickets. I grab my tote and whip them out. 3 San Juan to STT tickets are missing. Mine is the only one there so hey, I guess we're good then! Because of my OCD traveling organizational tendencies however, as I am trying to read, my brain is thinking tickets, tickets, tickets so I really could not concentrate.
We finally land in Chicago and I bolt out to the first counter I come to and enquire about the missing tickets. The rep says not a problem and reprints so we are good. I feel better. I hate being OCD! We passed the first of many Starbucks at Ohare and Drama Girl starts in with "I need a Strawberry Creme Frappachino!" "Let's just get to the gate" I say, this is Ohare, I am sure there will be 27 more Starbucks on the way. I ended up getting her the frapp at the first one in order to shut her up. Wise choice, and you know what? We did pass 27 more Starbucks along the way.
We're off to San Juan and during the flight Drama Girl starts crying. She's a terrible flyer and thought the plane was going to crash. I would call what we experienced normal, minor turbulence but well I don't call her Drama Girl for nothing. As we landed, she turns to me with a smile and says "so this is Puerto Rico, Mexico?" I just sat there with this dumbfounded look on my face. Ok, who are you and what have you done with my daughter? That remark has got to be one of the most spastic things I have ever heard come out of her mouth! I mean, the girl is a straight A student. She received an academic scholarship. Did she sleep through Geography? OMG that was funny!
Remember those totally cute sparkle strap Reef flip-flops I had to rip off at security? I developed blisters under the straps breaking them in during the 8 tough miles it took to get to our departure gate in San Juan. Sucks to be me. On the glorified prop plane ride to STT, I realized I left my new book at the gate in Puerto Rico, Mexico and I was pi$$ed because I was just getting into it and I saved it just for the trip. Good thing I remembered to bust out my minis. I was seriously overdue!!! You know what? I was kinda freaked for the flight from San Juan to STT but that plane flies great and it was basically up and down. No problem to do it again now that I know.
Our checked stuff made it and we grabbed a taxi to Emerald Beach. I really like this place because it's 2 minutes to the airport and it's on a great beach with a great pool and a nice bar and restaurant. We stay here every time and will continue to do so. I wouldn't want to stay for there for a full vacation, but for passing in the night, it's perfect.
Note to self: Totally cute sparkle flip-flops are sometimes not conducive to comfort; but I guess the fat burning and cardio benefits from race walking 8 tough miles through the San Juan airport were worth the discomfort! Score one for me!!!
I hope I didn't bore you with our travel day but obviously we can't do anything even as mundane as flying without turning it into the Ringling Bros so I felt the need to record it for posterity!
Next Up - Efforts are rewarded...after a small glitch!
p.s. Sorry, no pics of travel day
Love the report so far. I'm well-acquainted with drama queens myself (sometimes being one and other times dealing with one), but I think "Puerto Rico, Mexico" would have pushed me over some sort of edge after the day you had.
Did you make her study maps while laying on the beach to bone up her geography skills? Maybe show her the video from the Miss Teen USA 2007 pageant as a cautionary tale... "and, uh, the Iraq..."
Did you make her study maps while laying on the beach to bone up her geography skills? Maybe show her the video from the Miss Teen USA 2007 pageant as a cautionary tale... "and, uh, the Iraq..."
Chrisn- Thanks for the entertainment, I enjoyed it!
My daughter is 6 now...I'll keep my fingers crossed.
My daughter is 6 now...I'll keep my fingers crossed.
STJ Villa Map:
http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&ie ... 2&t=h&z=14
http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&ie ... 2&t=h&z=14
VG trip report
I live on a college campus where over 60% of our student population is women (I am long past my days as a student), so I relate to your drama queen saga (you should hear the complaining when we have a power outage). Thanks for sharing. I'm anxiously looking forward to your next installment!
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NoTanLines
- Posts: 112
- Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:41 pm
- Location: McLean, VA
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greyhoundmom
- Posts: 978
- Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2007 3:06 pm
- Location: Columbia South Carolina
Chris, do love your twisted sense of humor and can relate to the drama queen child. When mine was 16-19, it seemed like a constant cat fight at home. A wise person once said that it's not good to have two women in one house, especially when the younger is competing with mom for everything! This too shall pass, my girl is now 35 and is truly my best friend. We do mom/daughter trips a few times a year (so she can get away from her 2 girls!).
After the great airport lope, sparkle flop blisters, smelly boy on shoulder, landing in Puerto Rico, Mexico you deserved every mini you could lay your hands on!!!! Keep 'em coming!
GHM - Jan
After the great airport lope, sparkle flop blisters, smelly boy on shoulder, landing in Puerto Rico, Mexico you deserved every mini you could lay your hands on!!!! Keep 'em coming!
GHM - Jan
Hi Chrisn,
I need to catch up on the OT posts - I was delighted to find the first of your TR. I've been a huge fan of your writing since your days of dinghy drama.
I LMAO at your drama girl and PR, Mexico! We also raised one of those DG, who had a tendency on occassion say some really ditzy things. The funniest thing is that my DG now has four children, the oldest daughter is definitely another drama girl - so goes the circle of life.
I need to catch up on the OT posts - I was delighted to find the first of your TR. I've been a huge fan of your writing since your days of dinghy drama.
I LMAO at your drama girl and PR, Mexico! We also raised one of those DG, who had a tendency on occassion say some really ditzy things. The funniest thing is that my DG now has four children, the oldest daughter is definitely another drama girl - so goes the circle of life.
Patr
~~Longing to be back on St. John~~
~~Longing to be back on St. John~~