Are YOU an excellent driver??????????

[Linward]

Raymond, Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man, declared that he was as excellent driver. Do you feel that you qualify for this declaration? If so, I invite you to drive on St John, where finding a parking space in Cruz Bay is your reward for successful negotiation of this carnival ride.

Firstly, place yourself behind the wheel of a rather used Jeep and have your loved one get in the passenger’s seat. Alright…no clutch to worry about, this should be a piece of Johnnycake. Now, as you leave the lot, recall the admonition to drive on the left side of the road! Which way do you look before you pull out into the street: To the left for oncoming traffic or to the right? Strangely, you realize that against every neuronal synapse you have development in all your years of driving, the traffic lane to go right is across the traffic lane going to your left…so this is where you tell your loved one to watch for oncoming traffic (in the nearest lane), and when they say clear, you cross into the lane on the left side of the road. Made it! A little bizarre, but you’ll get the hang of it. Now, it’s just a matter of getting used to aligning the Jeep in the driving lane without straddling the middle line (if there is one).

As the oncoming traffic passes you…


<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/36006979@N05/5768930453/" title="IMG_0876 by LinwardT, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2161/576 ... 5387f9.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="IMG_0876"></a>

your loved one recognizes that the oncoming vehicles are very close to their side of the Jeep and they have absolutely no control over of the situation except for closing their eyes , yelling at you to get over more, or to wish they had taken extra shots of Cruzan rum at the airport.

Secondly, you now inquire about the directions to your villa from your lovely, if somewhat stressed-out navigator, who is having a hard time reading the map as they keep glancing up every time an oncoming vehicle approaches. You then come to realize that those handy route signs mean absolutely nothing! They are never referred to in the directions to your villa and if you happen to stop and ask someone which route you should be on, the inquiree will deny ever having knowledge of such route numbers; only referring to the road as being north, south or centerline. Speaking of signs, what is the purpose of these signs anyway?


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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/36006979@N05/5768927867/" title="IMG_0870 by LinwardT, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3146/576 ... 318aaf.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="IMG_0870"></a>

The first one only confuses you as there is no way to go left of that sign with a vehicle (sure it is a Jeep and a rental at that), but get serious

The second sign is also unnecessary and only serves to divert your attention from the task at hand…keeping the alcoholic beverage in your lap from spilling.

And speaking of signs getting in the way…

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Come on public works department, forget the signs and spend your money on something worthwhile… like trying to find a better place for the stoplight.

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Thirdly, I’ll bet you a painkiller, that after 2 days on the rock, when you feel that you’ve got this drive left/drink right thing down pat , you will, on departing the restaurant, or bar (I know, redundant) enter the road driving on the right hand side for at least 50 feet, until it (or your loved one) strikes you, and you abashedly amend your blunder.

Fourthly, the views here are incredible, but you must keep your eyes on the road. There are hairpin whoop-de-dos that will test even Raymond’s driving ability in the rain (man). Watch out for the goats, chickens donkeys and St Johnian squirrels (mongoose) that you will encounter everywhere. And don’t even get me started on the driveways to some of these villas…I’ve seen goats fall to their death off of some of these ascents.

And fifthly, there is the rum. (Notice how that synchronized so nicely… almost like I planned it). Here you are, driving on the wrong side of the road in an unfamiliar vehicle, in an unfamiliar place with distractions everywhere (including the passenger seat)! And if you think a cold beer at the beach is tasty, wait until you add a rum cocktail (or 2 or 3) into the mix. Boy Howdy!

Now go find that parking space in Cruz Bay.

[California Girl]

This is hilarious! And yes, I have been reminded to STAY LEFT, 50 ft. or so down the right lane after turning out of one or two establishments!

[Capn Dan and Ruby]

So funny !!! This will be Capn Dan's first time to drive on STJ. It should be interesting. Good things... We are staying in walking distance of Cruz Bay and we have some idea about where many things are as we have been in the passenger seat on 3 other trips. So I hope all goes well.

[P-600]

Thanks for the laugh Linward! My problem is when I come back home I forget which side of the street I should be driving on! Have fun Cap'n Dan and Ruby! Glad your back on your feet