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now... pipanale's party adventure
now... pipanale's party adventure
Edited 12/13
Friday night, like many we attended a party. Just in time for the event - I was sent this in an email.
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday Spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor
Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday season!!
Friday night, like many we attended a party. Just in time for the event - I was sent this in an email.
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday Spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor
Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday season!!
Last edited by lprof on Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.
... no longer a stranger to paradise
We have an adult party to go to tomorrow night. This will be our first adult event since well before the baby was born. Last year, at said party, I drank 2/3 of a bottle of rum and got HAMMERED. Of course, I went to the party from the airport.
I need to pace myself better this year. the fact that I don't know anyone there other than my wife is besides the point. I won't have to talk about work, be vomited on, change a diaper, or say "Eat your dinner" 57,927 times.
I do have to wear pants though. That's a bummer and a half.
I need to pace myself better this year. the fact that I don't know anyone there other than my wife is besides the point. I won't have to talk about work, be vomited on, change a diaper, or say "Eat your dinner" 57,927 times.
I do have to wear pants though. That's a bummer and a half.
So, Rob, how was the party?
It was nice. I even wore shoes with laces.
Oh yea...the ride home and the DWI check. That was great. I was sober but admitted to having had a glass or 2 of wine (Really..it was a few more but over the course of like 5 hours). So, I blew under the limit. Then, in the 39-degree rain, wearing a jacket (not a coat) I had to do the whole field sobriety test. Follow the blue LED light, heel to toe it, stand on one foot and count, sing the Rutgers fight song in full cheerleader regalia...
Jesus, folks, I can't do stuff like this ever...I'm a GD spaz.
So I passed. Not good enough. I was told to call someone. Now, the Mrs. had no license on her (she was so excited not to be carrying a diaper bag as a purse that she brought nothing with her). Well...I could call our neighbor, Crazy Anne, the babysitter, but we left her a bottle of $3 Chuck so I know she's 3/4 in the bag. And, my parents are on a cruise ship. Anyone else I know either lives in NJ, PA or NY. BevM? You free?
I was told to sit in the car for 20 minutes because, again while I passed, the cop had suspicions. This is what happens when you pull over someone at a DWI check who also happens to stutter...he stutters because he's *%^&ing nervous about being pulled over!
Yay for the police though. They did nab a guy for literally drinking while he was driving. I got wet. Di I mention that I have a chest cold?.
Lesson learned, take Rt 1 home next year after this party. Not the local roads.
Don't hassle me...I get it. I understand the reason for the checks tonight. But, if one blows under the limit, one should be allowed to go home and not be forced to stand in the rain while dancing. I do my dancing at Ruth's store and there alone.
Someone get e a drink!
It was nice. I even wore shoes with laces.
Oh yea...the ride home and the DWI check. That was great. I was sober but admitted to having had a glass or 2 of wine (Really..it was a few more but over the course of like 5 hours). So, I blew under the limit. Then, in the 39-degree rain, wearing a jacket (not a coat) I had to do the whole field sobriety test. Follow the blue LED light, heel to toe it, stand on one foot and count, sing the Rutgers fight song in full cheerleader regalia...
Jesus, folks, I can't do stuff like this ever...I'm a GD spaz.
So I passed. Not good enough. I was told to call someone. Now, the Mrs. had no license on her (she was so excited not to be carrying a diaper bag as a purse that she brought nothing with her). Well...I could call our neighbor, Crazy Anne, the babysitter, but we left her a bottle of $3 Chuck so I know she's 3/4 in the bag. And, my parents are on a cruise ship. Anyone else I know either lives in NJ, PA or NY. BevM? You free?
I was told to sit in the car for 20 minutes because, again while I passed, the cop had suspicions. This is what happens when you pull over someone at a DWI check who also happens to stutter...he stutters because he's *%^&ing nervous about being pulled over!
Yay for the police though. They did nab a guy for literally drinking while he was driving. I got wet. Di I mention that I have a chest cold?.
Lesson learned, take Rt 1 home next year after this party. Not the local roads.
Don't hassle me...I get it. I understand the reason for the checks tonight. But, if one blows under the limit, one should be allowed to go home and not be forced to stand in the rain while dancing. I do my dancing at Ruth's store and there alone.
Someone get e a drink!
I had on pants and spent all day Sunday lying on the couch because I was so sick. I'm not sure my adventures helped things.
A police-friend explained the procedure to me. As I said, while in the midst of a DWI check in the cold rain, it's best not to ask a lot of questions about why this is going on in the order it is. But, since I now understand it, I guess it all made sense.
Less on learned: One less glass next time...and avoid the intersection of Durant and Neuse.
I kid...
A police-friend explained the procedure to me. As I said, while in the midst of a DWI check in the cold rain, it's best not to ask a lot of questions about why this is going on in the order it is. But, since I now understand it, I guess it all made sense.
Less on learned: One less glass next time...and avoid the intersection of Durant and Neuse.
I kid...
Pipanale
next party this is what your wife will tell you
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/4185707672/" title="liquor by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2503/418 ... e0cf77.jpg" width="345" height="500" alt="liquor"></a>
next party this is what your wife will tell you
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/4185707672/" title="liquor by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2503/418 ... e0cf77.jpg" width="345" height="500" alt="liquor"></a>
That reminds me of that famous line when at a dinner party Lady Astor indignantly proclaimed to WInston Churchill, "Sir, if you were my husband I'd put arsenic in your tea. He vollied back, "Madame, if I were your husband I'd drink it."
Trip report 2009
http://www.virgin-islands-on-line.com/f ... highlight=
Trip report 2008
So good, so good, so good!
http://www.virgin-islands-on-line.com/f ... highlight=
http://www.virgin-islands-on-line.com/f ... highlight=
Trip report 2008
So good, so good, so good!
http://www.virgin-islands-on-line.com/f ... highlight=