wedding cash
Just did 2 weddings in 18 months (hence no STJ trips!). Soutern folks tended to give really low amounts $80 gift for 4 people. Yes, really! Northern people were more generous as were relatives. $100 or more a person. If people have to travel & pay for air/hotel they usually give less & that seems fair. I go with $100 a person for a wedding with a full meal. I know a lot of the southern weddings are just apps & that is why they give less or add people to there reply cards (yes they did!). Both of the weddings I paid for ranged in the $75-$100 per person with full meals and open bar. Believe me both of my girls were happy with any amount, so do what you can!!!
As mentioned previously, I gift based on my financial situation as well as my closeness to the couple.
FYI people- a gift is a gift. One should never have gift expectations- it's rude.
I can't afford more than $100 for a wedding gift. $150 max. If you are expecting me to make up for the gross amount of money you sent on your wedding, it ain't gonna happen. If you want your guests to make up for your wedding costs then just invite rich people and leave the rest of us out.
Sorry to be kinda grumpy but gift expectations seem very selfish to me. I don't expect gifts. When I get them, it makes my gratitude mich higher and I am greatful.
FYI people- a gift is a gift. One should never have gift expectations- it's rude.
I can't afford more than $100 for a wedding gift. $150 max. If you are expecting me to make up for the gross amount of money you sent on your wedding, it ain't gonna happen. If you want your guests to make up for your wedding costs then just invite rich people and leave the rest of us out.
Sorry to be kinda grumpy but gift expectations seem very selfish to me. I don't expect gifts. When I get them, it makes my gratitude mich higher and I am greatful.
THIS! Seriously, it is amazing...I think that a demon takes over some peoples brains when they make their plans to get married! It's just one day in a lifetime! John and I actually got a wedding invitation a while back that had a card included in the invitation that said "in lieu of gifts, we would greatly prefer cash." I was absolutely floored! I know this cannot be considered polite, anywhere. At least I surely hope not!LysaC wrote:FYI people- a gift is a gift. One should never have gift expectations- it's rude.
It's like looking in your soup and finding a whole different alphabet.
- Greenskeeper
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 2:07 pm
- Location: Cape Cod, MA
WOW, obviously some of you guys have some pretty tacky friends, family or acquaintances. When you get an invitation that you think is less than the sincere want for you to join in celebration, JUST SAY NO!
It's not right for you to waste a day of your life where you don't want to be and it's not fair for the celebrants to have someone there with an attitude. No matter what their intentions were, it's still a special day for them.
It's not right for you to waste a day of your life where you don't want to be and it's not fair for the celebrants to have someone there with an attitude. No matter what their intentions were, it's still a special day for them.
Complete agreement here - the gift is chosen with the couple in mind and given because we wish to give them a gift to mark the beginning of the marriage. Factors are how we know them, our closeness to them, their lifestyle, their desires or even their needs. Generally, I like to give something useful and pretty in crystal (I like Tiffany - wide range of price and items to choose from); larger vases or bowls have been common. The amount spent is based on what the item I have in mind as a "personal, thoughtful" gift costs. I don't think anyone has considered me "cheap".LysaC wrote: FYI people- a gift is a gift. One should never have gift expectations- it's rude.
I guess that really didn't answer the question....
The gift is one thing; what kind of food and event is chosen by the couple is a different thing. Low budget BBQ - fine... lavish weekend at the Presidio - fine. It's your party - invite me and I am your guest... I don't intend to pay (with my gift) to be your guest there. I have also given gifts when not invited to the wedding reception/dinner/dance/BBQ or whatever. I have never attended a wedding without giving a gift.
Don't invite me unless you really want me there... not for the gift.
... no longer a stranger to paradise
I was once told by my best friend (I was in the wedding) that the "normal" in New York was the equivalent to the cost spent on the food at the reception ie: if the food was $125.00 per head then the expected amount would be $125.00 from each guest
I have no idea if this is true but it has alway stuck with me 10 years later
Pia

Pia
Realtor - St John Properties
Our grandaughter's wedding is tomorrow. This is from a note in the invitation:
"We hope you have all made space in your calendars to help us celebrate! You have all made an impact in our lives and we can't imagine taking this next step without the support of family and friends. If you would like to buy us a gift, we are registered at Target and Wal-Mart. If you would like to be more creative in your gift giving, feel free! We both love homemade gifts. Honestly though, the best thing you could give us as we celebrate this new beginning is your smiling face and a huge hug after the ceremony!"
It may not have been good wedding etiquette, but I loved it!
"We hope you have all made space in your calendars to help us celebrate! You have all made an impact in our lives and we can't imagine taking this next step without the support of family and friends. If you would like to buy us a gift, we are registered at Target and Wal-Mart. If you would like to be more creative in your gift giving, feel free! We both love homemade gifts. Honestly though, the best thing you could give us as we celebrate this new beginning is your smiling face and a huge hug after the ceremony!"
It may not have been good wedding etiquette, but I loved it!
Verjoy, you have every right to be proud --your granddaughter's parents raised her right.verjoy wrote:Our grandaughter's wedding is tomorrow. This is from a note in the invitation:
"We hope you have all made space in your calendars to help us celebrate! You have all made an impact in our lives and we can't imagine taking this next step without the support of family and friends. If you would like to buy us a gift, we are registered at Target and Wal-Mart. If you would like to be more creative in your gift giving, feel free! We both love homemade gifts. Honestly though, the best thing you could give us as we celebrate this new beginning is your smiling face and a huge hug after the ceremony!"
It may not have been good wedding etiquette, but I loved it!
Maybe i am old fashioned or old new england (or just old?) but giving cash was never an option --in fact, i have done this ONCE for a young Korean colleague (and i was not invited to the wedding , but he is alone here) in an arranged marriage where a cash gift is the tradition-- ANd i totally concur with Liamsaunt--ASKING for cash is tacky and rude.
Pia, I am dismayed at your experience--whoever told you that you should cover your cost, etc, was dead wrong--ick, ick ick!!!
ok, rant over, but i guess i need to rethink my wedding gift issues as cash seems to be the thing these days.....
< leaving on the 22nd of march...but too lame to figure out the ticker thing again!>
- bubblybrenda
- Posts: 549
- Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 10:57 pm
- Location: Vancouver, BC
I am not at all offended when people ask for cash in lieu of a gift. I wish people would get over the "embarassment" of it and that it would become the norm.
I am Ukranian and it is our custom that wedding gifts are gifts of cash. The wording on the invitation is "Presentation" and everyone knows what that means (well everyone who goes to Ukranian/Portugese/Polish weddings in Manitoba that is). My family originates from Manitoba and cash gifts are the norm even back in 1961 when my parents were married.
However, I live in BC and in this province asking for cash is considered rude eventhough 95% of couples would prefer cash but they don't know how to ask for it.
I prefer to give cash as I believe most couples prefer it and I hate the gift registry thing and then shopping and wrapping. As well, so many people are going into marriage #2 or even #3 and surely they have all the "stuff" they could possibly need by that stage of their lives.
Cash and a card is convenient for me. I always go solo and give $100 or $125. I typically have no more than 2 drinks so I presume that covers the cost of my meal (which, I was told years ago, you should definitely do).
A co-worker of mine was recently married. A big Greek wedding (450 people). We heard through the grapevine that they really wanted cash but didn't know how to ask for it. Accordingly, a bunch of us chipped in and bought them a $1400 espresso machine. My thought was, if you can't come to grips and put "presentation" on your invitation then you're getting a gift! As well, he makes a ton of money and they built a house in THE most expensive part of the city with an ocean view so I figured my $125 wasn't gonna do much to assist them financially. I was happy to chip in on an extravagant gift.
I am Ukranian and it is our custom that wedding gifts are gifts of cash. The wording on the invitation is "Presentation" and everyone knows what that means (well everyone who goes to Ukranian/Portugese/Polish weddings in Manitoba that is). My family originates from Manitoba and cash gifts are the norm even back in 1961 when my parents were married.
However, I live in BC and in this province asking for cash is considered rude eventhough 95% of couples would prefer cash but they don't know how to ask for it.
I prefer to give cash as I believe most couples prefer it and I hate the gift registry thing and then shopping and wrapping. As well, so many people are going into marriage #2 or even #3 and surely they have all the "stuff" they could possibly need by that stage of their lives.
Cash and a card is convenient for me. I always go solo and give $100 or $125. I typically have no more than 2 drinks so I presume that covers the cost of my meal (which, I was told years ago, you should definitely do).
A co-worker of mine was recently married. A big Greek wedding (450 people). We heard through the grapevine that they really wanted cash but didn't know how to ask for it. Accordingly, a bunch of us chipped in and bought them a $1400 espresso machine. My thought was, if you can't come to grips and put "presentation" on your invitation then you're getting a gift! As well, he makes a ton of money and they built a house in THE most expensive part of the city with an ocean view so I figured my $125 wasn't gonna do much to assist them financially. I was happy to chip in on an extravagant gift.
~Brenda~
Giving a gift that "covers the cost per person" always seems funny to me. The bride & groom get that money but usually the parents pay for the wedding....so they should get the money right?? LOL.
Since we have had 2 girls married recently we do look at the gift/money people gave them when we go to a wedding. Seems only fair. Everyones financial situation is different so there can't be a "rule". I am going to a wedding soon where they have lived together for at least 5 years & have had 2 kids. Most of their registry items start at $100...too high for many guests. Buy one glass???? My girls made sure they had a wide range of items on their registry...something to remember.
Since we have had 2 girls married recently we do look at the gift/money people gave them when we go to a wedding. Seems only fair. Everyones financial situation is different so there can't be a "rule". I am going to a wedding soon where they have lived together for at least 5 years & have had 2 kids. Most of their registry items start at $100...too high for many guests. Buy one glass???? My girls made sure they had a wide range of items on their registry...something to remember.