For parents that travel/don't travel with kids?

chrisn · Post by **chrisn** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 5:57 pm

My first post since forever. I can hear the halleluja chorus! Anywho, I think I'm a freak of nature. I'm always reading about mom and dad going off on trips minus the kids and being all excited about it.

Honey and I have this adult trip in March and I am dreading it. This is the first trip for us without them (they are 19 and 10). I am Making myself sick over it. Worrying bleeding ulcers in my stomache. Now I'm to the point where I am considering cancelling.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a psycho over-protective mom? Don't answer that! I know I need to let go and let them grow up and I am trying believe me. Just something about being that far away from them. I don't know how everyone does it. I think I need some counseling! Words of advice?

Should this have been Off Topic?

sherban · Post by **sherban** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 6:45 pm

Crisn- We're all different, but I think (hope) we all love our kids to death...in a good way, of course. Both my wife and I like to get away without the kids every now and then to remember what WE are about...the two of us. You gotta have someone you trust to watch them and you gotta want to have an identity of your own, not reliant on doing parental things. It isn't for everyone. I call my kids every night I am out of town without them and I miss them, but I don't want to loose my individuality either. My wife and I have some of our best times when we are away but that is just us. Enjoy the journey,they will grow up and move on...Cheers-

Ksea · Post by **Ksea** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 7:11 pm

Chrisn, I truly feel your pain. I have only one "baby" who is almost 15. I left him once to go on a 7 day cruise (he was 12 then) and SWORE I would never do it again! I left him with completely trustworthy family and friends, but felt so guilty the whole week. Why? Still have not figured that out! Im gonna try again in November of 08 (STJ trip).
This madness must end. He has been on several fabulous vacations with me over the years and there will be more. The 11/08 trip is for me. No hubbby and no son to take care of! Wish me luck and I'll wish you luck too!!

Marcia (Mrs. Pete) · Post by **Marcia (Mrs. Pete)** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 7:11 pm

Pete and I take a two week trip away from our four kids every year. It's for us, which is for them. Keeping our marriage strong, healthy and on track is the foundation for keeping the family strong, healthy and on track. We've been doing this ever since we got married 8 years ago.

This is a second marriage for both of us. We learned A LOT about the importance of keeping the marriage as priority ONE, when you actually are in a marriage you want to be in. Our kids need to know, and see, that in a healthy marriage, the parents actually need their "alone time."

Our kids do just fine while we are gone. We keep in touch with them but don't hover. They are all in their teens now but the philosophy hasn't changed. Even as little ones, we reassured them that they would be well taken care of in our absence and we could be reached if needed.

Enjoy your time with your spouse. Rekindle the romance. Have numerous conversations without interuptions. Go everywhere together (the thing I miss the most when we return!). Have some child-like fun without the kids. Come home with a huge grin and a stronger connection with your husband.

I hope you can do this. It's the best therapy in the world. For the entire family.

RickG · Post by **RickG** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 7:41 pm

I love trips with the kids. I love trips without the kids. I keep some of both in the planned and planning stages. Face it, bringing two kids pretty much doubles expenses.

I always say once or twice during a trip "I miss my girls." Sweet Christine gives me a punch and we move on with the reindeer games.

Cheers, RickG

flip-flop · Post by **flip-flop** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 8:50 pm

I am with RickG, I love traveling with my kids and I love traveling without them. I haven't been able to get away without the baby yet - he's a 30 lb handful - but went on yearly trips (longweekends and 1 week here and there) when we just had the girl. My mom would usually take her and knowing that she was having a great time with gramma removed any guilt.

I don't have that mommy guilt thing going on though. I think its because from day 2 or 3 my husband was so supportive of me and my alone or girl time. Happy mama makes a happy family.

For me the issue would be are they somewhere they are happy and safe. If so, go without guilt! You are probably beating yourself up way more than you should.

martini girl · Post by **martini girl** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:18 pm

Chrisn - I feel your pain. I've only left our kids for vacation when I absolutely had to, like when my husband won a few incentive trips thru work and we had to go without our kids. I was a complete and utter wreck the whole time leading up to our departure. The kids were in great hands, they were very comfortable where they were staying, but I was the disaster. Once we got there, got a drink in our hands, and relaxed for just a minute, it all slipped away and we had a glorious time.

Reading all of the recent trip reports of those lucky folks who left their kids at home, I wondered to myself, "how do they do that?" I just can't yet. So we'll be on STJ in Feb., with our kids, and probably every now and then will wish we were alone. Someday it'll happen for me. Good luck, enjoy, don't cancel, and give me a pep talk upon your return so I can take the plunge!

traveler22 · Post by **traveler22** » Fri Dec 28, 2007 12:44 am

chrisn-
We take two trips a year, one in the summer (with our three kids) and one in the winter (just adults). They get their vacation and we get ours and reconnect. With all the football, baseball,soccer, cheerleading, tennis and of course, homework, they keep us running.
We love the family vacation but the adult vacation is SO much more relaxing and since we take it while they are in school, they really don't miss us much because they're busy. Our 14 yr old daughter loves staying with her best friend and our two boys (8&9 yrs) stay with family and its a treat for them but we do feel guilty and miss them. I agree with other that it really helps our marriage and is needed, I call it "therapy". Good luck, you will enjoy it even if you feel bad but remember as soon as they're old enough, they are going to go without you and have a good time!

cocosmom · Post by **cocosmom** » Fri Dec 28, 2007 6:43 am

My girls are in their twenties and we have done both with and without trips from about the time the youngest was 5. Having someone watch them that you trust is the key! We have no relatives nearby so friends have been the key.The kids loved staying with their friends! We started with long weekends which made it a little easier. The teen years bring even more worries about leaving them alone...make sure your kids & your house are safe. We were lucky to have two "good girls" and going away during their teen years was very easy since no sitters were needed. That is not always the case and crazy things happen. We called everyday & that always made us feel better.

b-as-u-r · Post by **b-as-u-r** » Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:36 am

They will be just fine. They are just a phone call away. You cannot live life worrying about the
"what-ifs". However, if you're killing yourself sweating over this and just cannot get yourself past it, well then bring them too. Either way you will have a great vacation! Ali~

sea-nile · Post by **sea-nile** » Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:57 am

Take them with you at least once a year while they will still go. My 16 year old almost is at the stage where she wants to only go with friends. Of course, it depends on what the vacation is. If it is her kind of thing, she will go with us.

ccasebolt · Post by **ccasebolt** » Fri Dec 28, 2007 9:12 am

Chrisn - I know what you're going through. We usually take one adult-only vaca per year (we're scheduled for March this year!) and I always dread it until we leave. Leaving is the hardest part for me; hubby thinks I'm crazy - It's a mom thing, I'm convinced. Once I'm there, I'm fine. We call every day and they call us. They love having Grandma and Grandpa stay with them while we're away and because we've done this a few times already, we don't worry anymore. The first trip is by far the hardest, but the hard part is almost entirely up front. Once you've reached your destination and realize they're doing just fine, you'll feel much more relaxed and you'll have a great time - I promise!

chrisn · Post by **chrisn** » Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:38 am

Thank you guys so much for all your input. It really helps! Honey has been telling me for years that I better start loving him WAY more cause someday he's going to be all I have when my kids leave.

I'm gonna do it. I'm scared and worried but I'm gonna do it. I'm just praying that Honey doesn't turn into the a$$ whom use to be known as Honey. I'd hate to be stuck with the a$$ for 10 whole days.

Our daughter will be 20 in February and I know she will take excellent care of her little brother. My sister lives just around the corner and she will take care of both of them.

What concerns me the most is the contact. We will be on a 10 night cruise to the Southern Caribbean. E-mail will probably be my basic contact and I hate that! Does anyone have experience with international calling cards? Which one do I get that will work on all the islands?

I think I'm going to have to be tipping the glass most of the trip I think!

ccasebolt · Post by **ccasebolt** » Fri Dec 28, 2007 12:29 pm

Our first trip was also a cruise to Mexico (b-day gift from hubby - I would never had made such plans at the time!), though only 4 nights. Kids were only 2.5 and 4 and I was a total wreck beforehand, but I ended up having a great time (thank goodness for tequila though!). We couldn't call to check up for less than a small fortune, but we did email daily. It all turned out fine - kids didn't miss us and LOVED the souvenirs we brought back. C'mon Chris, you're SO overdue for this!

Pete (Mr. Marcia) · Post by **Pete (Mr. Marcia)** » Fri Dec 28, 2007 3:43 pm

chrisn wrote:
I'm gonna do it. I'm scared and worried but I'm gonna do it. I'm just praying that Honey doesn't turn into the a$$ whom use to be known as Honey. I'd hate to be stuck with the a$$ for 10 whole days.

Huh?

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