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A place for members to talk about things outside of Virgin Islands travel.
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Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
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Post by Marcia (Mrs. Pete) »

I need a mid-week humor fix. Who's got one?
Marcia (Mrs. Pete)

Missing St. John. As always.
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »

Marcia (Mrs. Pete) wrote:I need a mid-week humor fix. Who's got one?



An older, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store this past Friday evening with a beautiful, much younger girl at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a R25,000 ring.
The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only R350,000," the jeweller said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."
On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said, "There's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about one HELL of a WEEKEND I had!"

PS this joke came from the UK
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »

International Space Station





Look at what happened from 1998 until 2010. In just ten years it has grown and grown. Watch the pieces come together as they are sent up from Earth. This is the International Space Station (ISS) Assembly diagram, piece by piece. I had no idea the Space Station had grown to this size.This is really cool.....



http://i.usatoday.net/tech/graphics/iss ... /flash.htm
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »

New Year New philosophy
In 1923, Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?
2.. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?



These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days. Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them..
The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,

died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson,

went insane.

3. The president of th e NYSE, Richard Whitney,

was released from prison
to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger,
died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement,

shot himself.

6 The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore,

also committed suicide



However,
in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion
and the winner of the most important golf tournament,
the US Open,
was

Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?


He played golf until he was 92,
died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure
at the time of his death.


The Moral:


F--k work.
Play golf.
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »

One more from the UK

SCOTTISH FEMALE COMPASSION

A truly touching story….

SCOTTISH COMPASSION

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England, Wales, and Scotland, were walking past and felt
sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No,' so
she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so
she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Scottish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked laddie?'
The man broke into a big smile and said, ‘no’.

She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in.'
California Girl

Post by California Girl »

Those two are really funny! :lol:
California Girl

Post by California Girl »

shoemak38 wrote:International Space Station


Look at what happened from 1998 until 2010. In just ten years it has grown and grown. Watch the pieces come together as they are sent up from Earth. This is the International Space Station (ISS) Assembly diagram, piece by piece. I had no idea the Space Station had grown to this size.This is really cool.....
THAT is REALLY COOL!! I had no idea how big it's gotten over the years!!
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5577804361/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5019/557 ... b2d8_b.jpg" width="793" height="534" alt="jokesmar"></a>

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5578391156/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5224/557 ... 927d_b.jpg" width="679" height="705" alt="jokesmar"></a>

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5578392342/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5257/557 ... 4572_b.jpg" width="679" height="654" alt="jokesmar"></a>


<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5577808107/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5180/557 ... d34f_b.jpg" width="743" height="678" alt="jokesmar"></a>


<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5577809173/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5065/557 ... 5a40_b.jpg" width="742" height="543" alt="jokesmar"></a>


<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5577811197/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5028/557 ... 22e9_b.jpg" width="851" height="622" alt="jokesmar"></a>


<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5577812183/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5256/557 ... 3135_b.jpg" width="780" height="690" alt="jokesmar"></a>


<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5577813751/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5185/557 ... 48e0_b.jpg" width="699" height="648" alt="jokesmar"></a>

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5578400050/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5030/557 ... 5f6b_b.jpg" width="812" height="620" alt="jokesmar"></a>


<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5578401252/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5251/557 ... f4ae_b.jpg" width="818" height="654" alt="jokesmar"></a>


<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5577816871/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5254/557 ... 8089_b.jpg" width="686" height="659" alt="jokesmar"></a>


<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5578403082/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5022/557 ... 190b_b.jpg" width="607" height="672" alt="jokesmar"></a>


<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5578404910/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5131/557 ... 44ab_b.jpg" width="725" height="659" alt="jokesmar"></a>
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5578435756/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5067/557 ... 9cc9_b.jpg" width="787" height="619" alt="jokesmar"></a>
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »

Stop laughing I'm getting more snow for April fools day :twisted:

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5577856891/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5055/557 ... 4eed01.jpg" width="394" height="290" alt="jokesmar"></a>
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »



Okay one more :roll:








<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/5578447410/" title="jokesmar by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5099/557 ... 6650_z.jpg" width="577" height="516" alt="jokesmar"></a>
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linne
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Post by linne »

These jokes made my day a little brighter. Thank you.

Linne
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »

Dear Kean Elementary:
>
> God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to a old forgotten lady.
>
> My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
>
> The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers.
>
> She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.
>
> Thank you for that opportunity.
>
> Sincerely,
> Agnes Baker

SCOTCH???
>
> On the last day of school, the children brought gifts for their
> teacher.
>
> The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
>
> The candy store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of
> candy.
>
> Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The
> teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.
> She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is
> it wine?" she guessed. "No," the boy replied. She tasted another
> drop and asked, "Champagne?"
>
> "No," said the little boy. "It's a puppy!"


An old man, a boy & a donkey
were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people

who remarked "What a shame the old man
is walking and the boy is riding."

The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later they passed some people who
remarked "What a shame.... he makes that little boy walk."
So they then decided they'd both walk!

Soon they passed some more people
who remarked "They're really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to ride."

So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people

who shamed them by saying "How awful to
put such a load on a poor donkey."

The boy and man figured they were probably right,
so they decide to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge,
they lost their grip on the animal
and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone,

you might as well...
Kiss your ass goodbye!

Have A Nice Day
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »

Bonus week had alot of jokes this week

Universal Laws


ƒ¡ƒ| Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

ƒ¢ƒ| Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

ƒ£ƒ| Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

ƒ¤ƒ| Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

ƒ¥ƒ| Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

ƒ¦ƒ| Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

ƒ§ƒ| Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

ƒ¨ƒ| Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

ƒ©ƒ| Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

ƒ¡ƒ~ƒ| Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

ƒ¡ƒ¡ƒ| Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last and they are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over while those in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and who stay to the bitter end of the performance and beyond.. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

ƒ¡ƒ¢ƒ| The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

ƒ¡ƒ£ƒ| Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

ƒ¡ƒ¤ƒ| Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

ƒ¡ƒ¥ƒ| Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

ƒ¡ƒ¦ƒ| Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

ƒ¡ƒ§ƒ| Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

ƒ¡ƒ¨ƒ| Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

ƒ¡ƒ©ƒ| Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick..
*******************************************************
DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS





-------------------------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine..'
-------------------------------------------------------
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce court Judgesaid, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
-------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
-----------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
-----------------------------------
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
-----------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered..
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
-----------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits... It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
-----------------------------------

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well, she's there..
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shoemak38
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Post by shoemak38 »

Only in Texas

Just Texas
Pep, Texas 79353
Smiley, Texas 78159
Paradise, Texas 76073
Rainbow, Texas 76077
Sweet Home, Texas 77987
Comfort , Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the sun?
Sun City, Texas 78628
Sunrise, Texas 76661
Sunset, Texas 76270
Sundown, Texas 79372
Sunray, Texas 79086
Sunny Side, Texas 77423

Want something to eat?
Bacon, Texas 76301
Noodle, Texas 79536
Oatmeal, Texas 78605
Turkey, Texas 79261
Trout, Texas 75789
Sugar Land, Texas 77479
Salty, Texas 76567
Rice, Texas 75155
Pearland, Texas 77581
Orange, Texas 77630
And top it off with:
Sweetwater , Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!
Detroit, Texas 75436
Cleveland, Texas 75436
Colorado City, Texas 79512
Denver City, Texas 79323
Klondike, Texas 75448
Pittsburg, Texas 75686
Newark, Texas 76071
Nevada, Texas 75173
Memphis, Texas 79245
Miami, Texas 79059
Boston, Texas 75570
Santa Fe, Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony, Texas 75861
Reno, Texas 75462
Pasadena, Texas 77506
Columbus, Texas 78934

Feel like traveling outside the country?
Athens, Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China , Texas 77613
Dublin, Texas 76446
Egypt, Texas 77436
Ireland, Texas 76538
Italy, Texas 76538
Turkey, Texas 79261
London, Texas 76854
New London, Texas 75682
Paris, Texas 75460
Palestine, Texas 75801


No need to travel to Washington D.C.
Whitehouse, Texas 75791


We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth, Texas 79031


We have a city named after our state:
Texas City, Texas 77590


Exhausted?
Energy, Texas 76452
Cold?
Blanket, Texas 76432
Winters, Texas 79567


Like to read about History?
Santa Anna, Texas 76878
Goliad, Texas 77963
Alamo, Texas 78516
Gun Barrel City, Texas 75156
Robert Lee , Texas 76945


Need Office Supplies?
Staples, Texas 78670


Want to go into outer space?
Venus , Texas 76084
Mars , Texas 79062


You guessed it. It's on the state line.
Texline , Texas 79087

For the kids...
Kermit, Texas 79745
Elmo, Texas 75118
Nemo, Texas 76070
Tarzan, Texas 79783
Winnie, Texas 77665
Sylvester, Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas , to make you smile......
Frognot, Texas 75424
Bigfoot, Texas 78005
Hogeye, Texas 75423
Cactus, Texas 79013
Notrees, Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest, Texas 76886
Kickapoo, Texas 75763
Dime Box, Texas 77853
Old Dime Box, Texas 77853
Alred, Texas 79324
Telephone, Texas 75488
Telegraph, Texas 76883
Whiteface, Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079


And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City
Kilgore, Texas 75662

And our favorites...
Cut and Shoot, Texas 77303
Gun Barrel City , Texas 75147
Ding Dong, Texas
West, Texas (it's in Central Texas )
and, of course,
Muleshoe, Texas 79347


Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas;

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas;

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas;

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas;

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas;

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas;
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both
unlocked, you may live in Texas;

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas;

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph --you're going 80 and
everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas;

If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Texas;

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas.

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas .
1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike - 2008!
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston.
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America.
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was "Houston," but the Space Center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island.
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin, TX in July of 1979.
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.
18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington-on-the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston , Velasco, West Columbia
and Austin .
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. , which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington, DC (by 7 feet).
20. The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington Monument .
21. The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas.
22. The State Mascot is the Armadillo. An interesting bit of trivia about
the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which
splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.
23. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston ..


Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas:

(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.

Y'all git all that?
Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth.
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