usvi-on-line
UGH
As a person who drove drunk many many times as a teen (yes, I was an IDIOT), this is probably the best thing that could ever have happened to her. It is a miracle I never killed anyone or myself or even got caught. I would never dream of it now.
I agree with the advice that she should pay EVERY penny back, including rent if she has to move in with you. (you are very nice to consider it and she is lucky to have you). Honestly, I think the best thing (for everyone but you) would be if the consequences are so horrible she never does it again. Even if she lost her job. She is 29 and will rebound.
You don't want her to get off easy and end up having the same thing happen when she is older with children(these kind of things tend to repeat themselves), or God forbid she hurts someone.
I agree it had to be more than a couple of glasses to get a .2
So sorry you are going through this, but while you will suffer, ultimately it is her problem. It is her fault. She is 29 and way old enough to know better.
The only way I would give her a pass on this is if this was her first time drinking
And you have every right to be extremely pissed off at her and still love her more than anything.
I agree with the advice that she should pay EVERY penny back, including rent if she has to move in with you. (you are very nice to consider it and she is lucky to have you). Honestly, I think the best thing (for everyone but you) would be if the consequences are so horrible she never does it again. Even if she lost her job. She is 29 and will rebound.
You don't want her to get off easy and end up having the same thing happen when she is older with children(these kind of things tend to repeat themselves), or God forbid she hurts someone.
I agree it had to be more than a couple of glasses to get a .2
So sorry you are going through this, but while you will suffer, ultimately it is her problem. It is her fault. She is 29 and way old enough to know better.
The only way I would give her a pass on this is if this was her first time drinking
And you have every right to be extremely pissed off at her and still love her more than anything.
"Sponges grow in the ocean...I wonder how much deeper it would be if that didn't happen."
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Greenskeeper
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 2:07 pm
- Location: Cape Cod, MA
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Greenskeeper
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 2:07 pm
- Location: Cape Cod, MA
Good advice...not sure I'll do it all, but still good advice. Thank you all.
She drove home today. We had a long walk and talk as you can imagine. Found out they sent her to detox because she mentioned suicide. So...we have more problems to deal with than we thought. She is currently not the most stable rock on the wall. Hates her job, boyfriend moved out and had been cheating on her...blah, blah, blah...
This DUI is a total first for anyone in our family. Hit me like a brick wall.
Got a referral to a really good lawyer from our family attorney. Knew it was going to cost us...had no idea how much ($4,000 for just the attorney). She will pay us back, but does not have the money to do so at this time. We don't want her taking out a credit card that she can't make payments on, that makes the situation worse.
Thing is that this was her work group that said it was a "pump you up" social environment. Her boss bought all the drinks. Now I know that it's no excuse, but shouldn't they be looking out for each other? Cut the drinks off for crying out loud. Don't let someone of concern get in their car. Yes, she had 2 beers and 2 glasses of wine (probably more) in 4 hours. More than she first admitted. The boss allowed the social event to go on for 4 hours. I know, that is still no excuse.
DMV on Monday a.m. Attorney on Monday p.m. It's going to be a long road for her. Our only goal is to save her drivers license so she can continue to work.
I actually hope this one tops the food porn. It's important info. And don't even get me started on cell phones and driving!
She drove home today. We had a long walk and talk as you can imagine. Found out they sent her to detox because she mentioned suicide. So...we have more problems to deal with than we thought. She is currently not the most stable rock on the wall. Hates her job, boyfriend moved out and had been cheating on her...blah, blah, blah...
This DUI is a total first for anyone in our family. Hit me like a brick wall.
Got a referral to a really good lawyer from our family attorney. Knew it was going to cost us...had no idea how much ($4,000 for just the attorney). She will pay us back, but does not have the money to do so at this time. We don't want her taking out a credit card that she can't make payments on, that makes the situation worse.
Thing is that this was her work group that said it was a "pump you up" social environment. Her boss bought all the drinks. Now I know that it's no excuse, but shouldn't they be looking out for each other? Cut the drinks off for crying out loud. Don't let someone of concern get in their car. Yes, she had 2 beers and 2 glasses of wine (probably more) in 4 hours. More than she first admitted. The boss allowed the social event to go on for 4 hours. I know, that is still no excuse.
DMV on Monday a.m. Attorney on Monday p.m. It's going to be a long road for her. Our only goal is to save her drivers license so she can continue to work.
I actually hope this one tops the food porn. It's important info. And don't even get me started on cell phones and driving!
Last edited by Terry on Sat Apr 10, 2010 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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mindehankins
- Posts: 3014
- Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 8:21 am
- Location: Western NY State
Terry, it hurts so much when our kids do stupid things....no matter who's paying for the mistake. I'm sorry.
I have no wisdom to share, but my thoughts are with you, as a mom.
DJ mom, you too! We're past the hurts you're going through, and on to new ones that are no less worrisome or painful.
I remember believing that this was going to get EASIER when babyhood or toddlerhood or the gawky pre-adolescent period ended.
It sure didn't!
I have no wisdom to share, but my thoughts are with you, as a mom.
DJ mom, you too! We're past the hurts you're going through, and on to new ones that are no less worrisome or painful.
I remember believing that this was going to get EASIER when babyhood or toddlerhood or the gawky pre-adolescent period ended.
It sure didn't!
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Pete (Mr. Marcia)
- Posts: 1471
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 4:48 pm
- Location: Madison, Wisconsin
I have been through a lot of enabling in my life. Hate me if what I write offends, I am fine with that.
Her employer is not to blame. At 29 she could have said, "no thank you."
You are not to blame, at 29, she should know better.
It was not two glasses of wine.
In my own situation, if this happened to one of my kids and it was the first instance, I would help them, attorneys, etc. I know that the process, in and of itself, would make an impact.
If this happened to one of my kids for a second time, and they were as old as your kid, I would let them fend for themselves. I would offer my embrace and love, but not the means (money) for them to deal with it. It is a painful, but probably necessary lesson.
Parenting truly sucks. It is such a fine line between embracing and enabling.
Her employer is not to blame. At 29 she could have said, "no thank you."
You are not to blame, at 29, she should know better.
It was not two glasses of wine.
In my own situation, if this happened to one of my kids and it was the first instance, I would help them, attorneys, etc. I know that the process, in and of itself, would make an impact.
If this happened to one of my kids for a second time, and they were as old as your kid, I would let them fend for themselves. I would offer my embrace and love, but not the means (money) for them to deal with it. It is a painful, but probably necessary lesson.
Parenting truly sucks. It is such a fine line between embracing and enabling.
Wisconsin, smell the dairy air
Pete,
I appreciate your input. You are correct in all of your statements. This is a first for our family.
Hopefully there will be no second time as she was damn lucky this time that it wasn't worse.
There's a lot of soul searching going on this weekend.
There will definitely be no enabling if it happens again. I just pray that she learned from this experience and makes correct choices.
Thank you all for listening. I'm not at a place where I want to share this with anyone that knows us right now, so I appreciate being able to share it with you. I hope that makes sense.
I appreciate your input. You are correct in all of your statements. This is a first for our family.
Hopefully there will be no second time as she was damn lucky this time that it wasn't worse.
There's a lot of soul searching going on this weekend.
There will definitely be no enabling if it happens again. I just pray that she learned from this experience and makes correct choices.
Thank you all for listening. I'm not at a place where I want to share this with anyone that knows us right now, so I appreciate being able to share it with you. I hope that makes sense.
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mindehankins
- Posts: 3014
- Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 8:21 am
- Location: Western NY State
DjMom,
Weekly pie would be a welcomed event if she lived here. She lives and works two hours south. Makes it here once a month. I'm glad that is working for you though. Enjoy it! Whatever it takes to make it work!
We are currently going through old photo albums to reconnect oldest daughter with family heritage and values. Photocopying photos of her with grandparents, etc. We're building a remember your past, etc photo album to help her through this experience.
Weekly pie would be a welcomed event if she lived here. She lives and works two hours south. Makes it here once a month. I'm glad that is working for you though. Enjoy it! Whatever it takes to make it work!
We are currently going through old photo albums to reconnect oldest daughter with family heritage and values. Photocopying photos of her with grandparents, etc. We're building a remember your past, etc photo album to help her through this experience.