What do you do??

[piscesgirl0314]

Parafins, we are in a similar situation. We could go, but the money spent on the trip would come out of our not so big savings, which is earmarked for the unforseen - sickness, car accidents, etc. I would go with the SOTB on a girls trip, if I had my husband's blessing, but I would never go by myself just because we could only afford for ONE of us to go. It's a very self-centered thing to do. Put the shoe on the other foot, how would YOU feel being left home with the kids while your wife was down there snorkeling and drinking beers at Woody's and whooping it up?

I'm with California Girl...we were there last year for 10 days...we're spending our "vacation money" on remodeling our kitchen...no trip to our paradise this year...but definately next year. I would be pissed if my hubby went to St John without us...just sayin...

[jimg20]

I saw an ad for a motorcycle for sale recently. The guy was selling his nearly new Harley that had barely been ridden at a big loss. He explained in the ad that he thought he had his wife"s approval when she said, "do whatever the f---you want."

Every man who has been married more than 30 seconds knows --- or should know --- what that means.

One of the keys of marriage I have learned through a failure and a successful 27+ year second marriage is that you have to have an understanding of short and long range goals. It doesn't sound like you are there. It also dosen't sound like you are getting much support form the all-knowning Forumites.

Although I feel your pain, I have to admit that we were absent from the VI for more than 7 years trying to get this right. We sacraficed short term gratification for long term relationships, stability and career goals. Since we got it right, I have been back 3 times and she has been back 5 including the SOTB trips. It was worth the wait.

JIM

[bnsilly]

I guess Jim hit it pretty well...
I want to be on STJ NOW...but in reality, I need to do some other things with the money and look at long term.
Just hard to do when you want so much to be there! Will work on looking more towards long term..
In 4 yrs our youngest will be out of high school, then it is frequent STJ trips for me and the hubby so I need to get to saving...

[Diana2]

Sorry, parafins, but you'll get no encouragement for a solo trip from me. You are feeling guilty for a very good reason............it's not the right thing to do. Listen to your wife. It sounds like she's the brains in the family.

[UF Prof]

There seems to be a strong consensus not to go alone. I would add my vote to that. Face it, it just would not be much fun alone. I can readily see going without the kids, but without the wife; no way! Being on STJ alone just does not seem like much fun and you know it would not be the same as it would be with your wife there.
Consider getting away with your wife for a long weekend.

[michele]

Honestly, I don't think you'd be able to enjoy yourself if you went alone. If you wait, pay off those bills and plan a trip for both of you, just think how awesome that trip will be.....and well worth the wait!!

[tipsy]

whew, would go see our GK's w/o hubby, he's gone to see his mom w/o me.
But to go on our once a year vacation that we take to be together & away from it all w/o him? And esp. to a wonderful place like STJ? Nooo don't think so. What kind of fun would it be to be watching one of those gorgeous sunsets (that have seen in pics here)w/o you're best friend and person you love with you? Or sit on the beach looking at the beautiful blue water & have no-one to talk to about it?
I think it sounds good now but in reality,you would not enjoy yourself like you think you would.

Just my 2 cents worth. Good luck in your decision.

[Gromit]

Lots of interesting perspectives.

Every marriage is different and I do think that it can be good to go your separate ways on occasion.
But this only works if you BOTH want it to.

Flip and I always take a girls week-end to a local beach each spring. In exchange we encourage our hubbies to do stuff on their own or with other guy friends of theirs. That way everything is equal.

And I generally go someplace or do something that he really would have no interest in. So if I go to the beach, he heads to a Single Malt Scotch event.

The net result generally is I find out how much I really and truly enjoy being with my husband and miss him! But in a good way. Oddly enough it recharges our relationship.

If you want to go, find a way to give her some time off to have some time to herself. If you can't manage that then I think the others are giving great guidance... don't go.

[mindehankins]

I'll bet that "St. John on $500 without plasma donation" thread is what got you thinking about this! Bad, bad Rick G for planting the seed
If your wife loves St. John like you do, and can postpone the trip, then I wouldn't go. If she really doesn't care, and you can do it bare bones, then I'd consider it.
I think she's giving you the "whatever the f&*$ you wanna do" line, though.....
And you should never fall for that.

[ClevelandDave]

What the hell are you thinkin?!?!?

Unless you want your family jewels to permanently look like that coconut bra from Ruth's, you need to bag this one ASAP.

[GidgetPicklebrain]

"The reasons are simple...Debt One we clear that up and save a little we can go back right? Right!"

"O.K. here's what happened,my wife has realized that we are getting a nice big refund this year.It almost wipes out the cards!"

Doesn't sound to me like you've met that goal yet.

We were to St. John for our 25th anniversary. It was our first trip, and we both "got it" immediately. We vowed we would be back as we stood on the ferry watching it fade away. That was in 2003. I've been here on this board ever since, living vicariously through others' trip reports and feeling jealous of other peoples' tickers.

OK, we got both kids through college and graduated with no student loan debt, and actually managed to have a bit left over. Major financial goal accomplished. NOW can we go?

Of course not. Dad has Alzheimer's Disease and must live in a facility that costs $2,000 more per month than his income. His assests were blown caring for Mom with AD. Sister went bankrupt, a month later her husband got laid off. Still is unemplyed, a year later. Guess who get to subsidize Dad? AD can last for 20 years.

Maybe we'll get back for our 50th?

--------------------------------

Prioritize. Meet your current obligations before running those cards back up again.

[Agent99]

Please remember that you did ask for these opinions! As for me, ditto what Marcia and Pete said word for word. Wouldn't ever be the same.

[djmom]

Even if I promised I wouldn't stand in my husband's way, I would not be able to help ruining every single second for him before the trip.

Even if I tried not to be mad and said it was ok for him to go I would be supremely pissed.

It could impact my marriage, basically a statement telling me he would rather be in St. John than be with me, and that he wouldn't be willing to wait for me.

Are you sorry you asked?

I would vote to delay St. John, build up an emergency account so you can avoid future credit card debt and going later.

[BeAsUR]

We have to wait 2 years between trips, but it goes by faster than you think. On our "off" years, we go to the beach here to get our "beachin' " in. I always think that if one goes alone to someplace so magnificent, who do you turn to and say, "Isn't that beautiful?" or "Look at that!" Part of a trip to STJ is the "experiencing" together all the ahhhh moments! I vote: wait

[SS in NC]

Hi Parafins, I won't comment on the "allowed to go thing"

...but...

as far as going into more debt to go, I personally wouldn't do it. I'd clean up all of my debt first and save up cash beforehand so the trip would be completely prepaid.

For what it's worth...