Wedding Planner - opinions PLEASE!

NCSue · Post by **NCSue** » Mon Jan 11, 2010 10:57 am

I have a sticky situation that I'm trying REALLY hard to get out of! My daughter is going to be engaged this summer on St. John. She wants to be married there as well. The situation - I have a friend who is a wedding planner from a state in the midwest. She is convinced that we're using HER for the wedding coordinator and wants to bring a photographer from her state to do the wedding. My thought is - I would much rather use someone from on the island for all services as well as using a local coordinator for all planning and organizing. I would like to know I'm helping support people living there - as well as they know from experience how to get things done!!!

Am I crazy - or should I cave and let the "midwesterner" do it all!

byado18 · Post by **byado18** » Mon Jan 11, 2010 11:38 am

Absolutely there are wonderful people on STJ who can coordinate all that you need to have done...and "get it" about the island......I am sure there are others who have used some of the folks on island that can make great suggestions.

loria · Post by **loria** » Mon Jan 11, 2010 12:01 pm

whoa boy, I don't envy your position..she is a friend and you don't wnat to hurt her feelings but ...same as i wouldnt use a st john wedding planner to plan a wedding in ohio, i wouldn't use an ohio wedding planner to plan a stj wedding--simply put the local persons knows the ins and outs of the local scene--from permits to licensing to music to catering--
I am sure your friend is wonderful, but I think it would be a huge hassle for her to try to undertake it (and a huge headache all around)
I would be frank with her--say that you would have loved to use her if the situation were different, but there are so many idiosyncratic things about planning a STJ wedding (from getting the license to correct permits if you are using the park to what villas allow what size parties, etc. etc.) and also the size of the industry is small there--that you are going with a local planner--
just MHO, but isn't it a bit presumptuous of her to have you fly her photographer down there as well?

chicagoans · Post by **chicagoans** » Mon Jan 11, 2010 1:12 pm

Those midwesterners can be so pesky.

Good points made above. Much of the value of a wedding coordinator is that he/she knows the local business owners and has an in with them to get the best service and prices. I think being honest with your friend now could eliminate some hard feelings later if things didn't go well. (And was your friend planning on paying her own way to be at the wedding? Paying for travel expenses for a coordinator and a photographer is a significant expense that you shouldn't have to pay unless you really want those people there.)

You could let her know that you would glady use her for an event in her local area, but that STJ is the choice for your daughter and her fiance and you (or they) feel it's necessary to use someone who knows the local business owners and customs. If she tries to convince you otherwise, be firm and simply restate your decision (or your daughter's decision) to use a local coordinator. If she's a good friend, she should understand and respect your position.

I would suggest that you ask her to coordinate a local engagement party or wedding shower, but it doesn't sound like she lives near you. It's not like you or your daughter "owe" her your business. You have a responsibility to your daughter, her groom, and your (or their) budget.

Good luck! I don't envy your position either.

djmom · Post by **djmom** » Mon Jan 11, 2010 1:31 pm

Agree with the above posters. The real concern I would have is that she could end up just booking anyone- for example a band that doesn't show up, etc...very risky in my opinion.

She probably has no clue about the scarcity of some items, etc...

Of all places I would think a local connection would be really important. There are so many things that could go wrong in the planning and you need someone who can just pick up the phone and fix it.

jayseadee · Post by **jayseadee** » Mon Jan 11, 2010 1:57 pm

Does she have any experience coordinating destination weddings? If so, maybe she can be of some help.

Is she offering her services free or planning it to be her gift to the couple? Maybe she could help liase with the on-island coordinator or coordinate all of the logistics for guests travel/accomodations.

As for the photographer, I guess it would depend on how much of his/her expenses she would expect you to pick up. It is possible that he/she is very talented and would do a great job as the photographer.

Definitely agree that some on-island planner should be part of the plan (unless this woman has done this a few times before).

Good Luck and congrats to your daughter.

Gromit · Post by **Gromit** » Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:55 pm

MAybe she can handle pre-wedding peices like invites and similar stuff and then find someone on island to coordinate the rest?

Honestly, with so many resources available so much of this can be done yourself to save $$$.

But the other posters are right, unless she has experience working on STJ, stick to someone local who has resources. Otherwise your friend will likely lose her mind.

Another word of advice. And it's easy to forget this when you get sucked into the whole wedding planning hurricane:

Your wedding day is NOT the most important day of your life.

Every day after that with the person you've chosen to spend it with is.

In other words don't get sucked into spending a gazillion dollars on a single day. STJ is so beautiful that you need very little to make the day perfect. Keep it simple and things will come together better than you ever imagined.

Just my .02.

NCSue · Post by **NCSue** » Tue Jan 12, 2010 7:32 am

I totally agree Grommit! That's why we love the St. John location idea - we can do it low key and still have money / time to enjoy the island! And I agree also - NOT the most important day of her life - but as the Mommy I want to make sure she gets the day she is dreaming of! THANK GOD - she's very down to earth and not all frou frou!!

Thanks for all the great advice. I feel SO much better. Can't wait for our two weeks in July!

Greenskeeper · Post by **Greenskeeper** » Tue Jan 12, 2010 9:12 am

If your friend has never been to STJ and experienced "island time", she probably will have a tough time understanding why it is best to use on island vendors. I agree with Grommit- ask your friend for advice and input on anything you can do off island like save the dates invitations. It will give her the chance to be helpful but still leave the on island logistics to the locals. Being as this is her profession and not just a hobby, she should get it. This is about you and your daughter enjoying the process and making the bride's vision come true.

Keep us posted on the planning. A St John wedding sounds so romantic!

LovetoTravel · Post by **LovetoTravel** » Tue Jan 12, 2010 9:59 am

NC SUE

I agree with what everyone has said!! I got married on St. John. It was VERY small, but was very MEMORABLE!!! I found a minister that was recommended and I left everything in her hands. went smooth as silk!! It was a very beautiful ceremony. Different but MEMORABLE!!! LOL!!!

shelli0001 · Post by **shelli0001** » Tue Jan 12, 2010 10:53 am

wow, no pain free way out of this one. like most have said its probably best to gently let her know you want a local planner.

but.... if she's going to be invited either way, could you just word it like - "its so important to me that you are free to just enjoy the day as a guest with the rest of our family and friends?" etc.

good luck and have fun with your planning!

NCSue · Post by **NCSue** » Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:31 pm

Shelli - exactly what I have been telling her - I want her there as a family member enjoying the activities. When we attended both of her daughter's weddings, we worked our TAILS off and really didn't get to enjoy the day. Besides - I have a rule - I don't hire family or friends. Just makes it too awkward if something goes wrong. thanks for all the advice - I'll update!

dehman · Post by **dehman** » Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:41 am

We got married on island and I would not have been comfortable using anyone that was NOT on island. I'm sure there are some ways to cut corners but it just didn't seem worth it. We used Stacy at Ceremonies St. John and she was great. She knows how to get things done. We did have the advantage of knowing her a bit ahead of time but your concerns are real. We all know how things "work" down there and if you don't know the right people.... I think your wedding planner friend might be taking on more than she bargained for! If you want to PM me I'll give you my email and/or phone number and I can give you the details of how we handled it- it turned out great

TropicalFocus · Post by **TropicalFocus** » Sat Jan 16, 2010 4:46 pm

Hi NCSue - For the wedding coordinator from the mid-west a St. John wedding could be a very big deal in helping her develop a destination wedding business. On the other hand if this is a large or complicated wedding it is not a good idea to go it alone. In that case I suggest she co-coordinate with a local person so she doesn't have to try to solve the crazy problems that arise on a remote island alone. I feel the same way about having a mid-west photographer trying to shoot in the harsh Caribbean sun. On the other hand, I have co-shot weddings with state-side photographers - removing the risk for their client and providing and giving them piece of mind. As an island wedding photographer I'm not trying to promote my business but care deeply about this subject. A collaboration can help your friend and give you perfect results too.

captainjay · Post by **captainjay** » Sat Jan 16, 2010 5:59 pm

We aren't in Kansas any more ToTo.

You friend should come and enjoy the wedding. Hire a local to handle it. As everyone has stated thinks just work differently here and knowing that and who to call is half the battle.
Jay

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