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54b's STJ Trip Diary - Day 4 - Stay Thirsty Jost Van Dyke
54b's STJ Trip Diary - Day 4 - Stay Thirsty Jost Van Dyke
Happy Hump Day St. Johnians,
Thanks as always for the nice feedback and hope you enjoy the latest installment.
As for the guy who asked what part of Dallas I live in, that would be Lake Highlands. And to the woman who offered to sponsor a vacation just to read more of these...you had me at hello.
Onward...
Wednesday, June 10 – Stay thirsty Yost Van Dyke
8:29am – Just sitting on the dock of Cruz Bay wasting island time when the “Dos Equis alpha spokesmale” showed up in a dinghy to take us to our charter sailboat…
Customs agents often detain him because his passport includes a stamp for Pangaea.
His ponytail has diplomatic immunity.
He uses a sea urchin for a loofah.
The Sea is a cruel and fickle mistress because he refuses to tie the “naut” with her.
Every island gets renamed “Lovango” after he’s been in port.
Sharks study him because he’s never been sick.
He has no tolerance for tan lines, not even on the soles of his feet.
The most potent Painkillers are made with nutmeg ground on his funny bone.
If he’d been cast in Waterworld, it would have made money.
He is Captain “Hollywood” Joe - The Most Interesting Man In The Caribbean.
8:47am – “Chill-limin” (even better than “Chillaxin”) on the deck of a 60’ ketch - the incomparable Treazzure – endearing myself (read: making walking the plank seem like an attractive option) to our fellow travelers (a cool couple from NY celebrating their anniversary) and getting acquainted with Captain Joe’s First Mate, Danielle - the consummate hostess and drink aficionado…
Danielle: “What do you think? What would be the perfect drink with this morning sail over to Jost?”
Captain Joe: “Mimosa?”
Danielle: “No. If the dew point were higher and the wind were coming out of the south, right on the money, but for this sail? Bloody Mary.”
54b: “What’s going on?”
Captain Joe: “Danielle can pick out the perfect drink for any Caribbean sailing voyage. Go ahead. Challenge her."
54b: “Challenge her?”
Captain Joe: “Go on.”
54b: “Okay, Virgin Gorda.”
Danielle: “Lime-n-Coconut with a dash of Sprite. Don’t waste my time.”
[Offers to put a pink umbrella in my drink as if to throw down the gauntlet.]
Danielle: “Come on. Push me.”
54b: “Anegada.”
Danielle: “High tide?”
54b: “Low tide.”
Danielle: “I’m with ya.”
54b: “Moonlight sail. Malfunctioning mizzen-mast. 80% chance of precip.”
Danielle: [Pauses to think] “Dark & Stormy.”
Capatain Joe: “YES!”
From the bottom of my liver…I really want to thank Danielle. My wife and I didn’t have the cash to charter our own boat to JVD and we really wanted a little more intimacy and flexibility than the canned trips on the bigger boats could offer. Danielle took it upon herself to find another couple to go with us and even promised us a flat rate even if my wife and I ended up being the only ones going that day. She’s good people and if you ever find yourself in the same boat we were in (aren’t puns fun), I highly recommend you contact Danielle at (www.sailingvirginislands.com) and upgrade yourself to a yacht.
10:11am –Riding shotgun with Captain Jack – The Most Interesting Cat In The Caribbean (or at the bravest anyway). This all-black bilge rat chaser has never spent a day of its nine lives on dry land. He’s friendly, fearless, and prefers his leeward litter box be kept duty free.
Seriously, this feline’s more chill than Chester the Cheetah. Plus he helped me locate Treazzure’s precious cargo…multiple cases of iced-down beer right under the seat cushions. Rrrrrreeeooooowww!
10:34am – Anchoring in Great Harbour, JVD while playing “Bobbing For Beers” (also known as “Dodge-Beer”). What’s that you ask? Why it’s only the latest drinking craze sweeping the Caribbean. How do you play? I’m glad you didn’t ask…
STEP 1: Dive off a sailboat while yelling, “Beer me!”
STEP 2: Someone on deck tosses a 12-ounce can (16oz for professionals) in after you (hopefully avoiding your head).
STEP 3: Locate said beer before resurfacing and chug it.
It’s fun for the whole family. And here’s the best part: even when you lose, you still win, because canned beer floats. (LEGAL: Void where inebriated. Not recommended in contiguous United States. Please drink and dive responsibly.)
10:46am – On the way to customs Captain Joe drops us off on the beach in front of the Jost Van Dyke Police Station. No doubt Great Harbour’s Finest felt the disturbance in the force long before I made landfall, but it does beg the question, do they really need cops on Jost and do they walk their beats barefoot? Inebriated minds like mine want to know. I figure even with idiots like me on the loose, there hasn’t been a better gig since Barney Fife regulated Mayberry.
11:47am – Testing the elasticity of my swimsuit while inhaling Foxy’s Chicken Roti…seriously, I could not have stopped eating that Caribbean burrito to attend the Apocalypse. It’s that good. Got freaky with a Friggin in de Riggin and chased it with one of Foxy’s home brews too.
12:52pm – In a moment of shear poetic irony, the Aquapac 6000 succumbs to poor packing practices and its promise to keep its precious cargo dry is compromised on the swim into White Bay…thus keeping alive the tradition and “joie de vivre” of the Soggy Dollar Bar. There’s just nothing like paying for a round of Painkillers with a bunch of wet dollar bills. Now that’s what I call, “making it rain.”
1:27pm – With an array of tropical cocktail confectionaries dotting a postcard white sandy beach replete with narcolepsy inducing hammocks overlooking crystal clear blue water made of unicorn tears, White Bay on Jost is quite possibly the most stress-free place on Earth…and how am I choosing to spend my time in Tranquil Town? Having a conniption fit trying to make a ring on a string (hanging from a tree) swoop over and catch on a tiny hook. It was like going to Chuck E. Cheese’s to do your taxes. Epic fail mon.
1:58pm – “But there’s booze in the One Love Bar blender...and soon it will render…a frozen Bushwacker that helps me hang on…hang on…hang on…hang on…” Keep drinking like this and I’ll have to declare my liver when I go back through customs.
2:13pm – Typically my wife cuts me off before Frank the Tank hits Defcon Floor, but the governor’s currently in a coma swaying in a hammock in front of Soggy’s. You know what that means…fasten your seatbelts and return your tray tables to their full-upright positions, next stop, spirit world…”hello dark rum, my old friend, I’ve come to drink with you again…”
2:44pm – Gathering our things before making the swim back to the boat and enjoying this lovely interrogation…
“Hey Sweetheart, how was your nap?”
“Wonderful…I see you had another Painkiller?”
“Who me…no, never-never...okay how’d you know?”
“You have nutmeg in your nose hairs.”
“Doh!”
Note To Self: When downing a Painkiller like a juice box, don’t breathe through your nose.
4ish pm – Proving that chivalry is not dead but decorum is on life-support by mooning the Caneel Bay Resort ferry to avenge the honor of the Treazzure, whose main cabin was flooded this morning thanks to an overzealous Caneel Bay ferryman that was rooster tailing through the no-wake zone off of Honeymoon beach.
5ish pm – Passing through customs armed with enough liquid courage to storm the Bastille and wondering aloud why they were so strict with their hours of operation. Seriously, I thought we were all on island time? This whole deadline thing is really harshing my mellow. Then my wife reminded me that if I didn’t shut up, I’d probably be spending the rest of the night with Homeland Security getting interviewed by Dr. Jellyfinger.
8:03pm – Still in the spirit world discussing the meaning of life with the bartender at Café Roma while waiting for a pizza. He used to be a lawyer in Cleveland until he decided to trade that bar for this one and move to St. John. I consider him a role model for the times and not just because he slipped me a Red Strip on the house.
So I cried on his shoulder and told him how even on St. John I didn’t feel like I could completely escape the worries about the recession and my job back home and how I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. He said if you think that’s heavy, wait ‘til you get a load of this pizza…seriously, no lie, I think that pie weighed 20-pounds. And holy pepperoni was it good...especially after drinking in the sun all day.
And you know what, he was right…it’s hard to worry about things you can’t control when the pizza you’re carrying is about to give you a hernia. That’s wisdom St. John style.
Coming sooner or later – Day 5 - Eastbound And Down For Fritters
Thanks as always for the nice feedback and hope you enjoy the latest installment.
As for the guy who asked what part of Dallas I live in, that would be Lake Highlands. And to the woman who offered to sponsor a vacation just to read more of these...you had me at hello.
Onward...
Wednesday, June 10 – Stay thirsty Yost Van Dyke
8:29am – Just sitting on the dock of Cruz Bay wasting island time when the “Dos Equis alpha spokesmale” showed up in a dinghy to take us to our charter sailboat…
Customs agents often detain him because his passport includes a stamp for Pangaea.
His ponytail has diplomatic immunity.
He uses a sea urchin for a loofah.
The Sea is a cruel and fickle mistress because he refuses to tie the “naut” with her.
Every island gets renamed “Lovango” after he’s been in port.
Sharks study him because he’s never been sick.
He has no tolerance for tan lines, not even on the soles of his feet.
The most potent Painkillers are made with nutmeg ground on his funny bone.
If he’d been cast in Waterworld, it would have made money.
He is Captain “Hollywood” Joe - The Most Interesting Man In The Caribbean.
8:47am – “Chill-limin” (even better than “Chillaxin”) on the deck of a 60’ ketch - the incomparable Treazzure – endearing myself (read: making walking the plank seem like an attractive option) to our fellow travelers (a cool couple from NY celebrating their anniversary) and getting acquainted with Captain Joe’s First Mate, Danielle - the consummate hostess and drink aficionado…
Danielle: “What do you think? What would be the perfect drink with this morning sail over to Jost?”
Captain Joe: “Mimosa?”
Danielle: “No. If the dew point were higher and the wind were coming out of the south, right on the money, but for this sail? Bloody Mary.”
54b: “What’s going on?”
Captain Joe: “Danielle can pick out the perfect drink for any Caribbean sailing voyage. Go ahead. Challenge her."
54b: “Challenge her?”
Captain Joe: “Go on.”
54b: “Okay, Virgin Gorda.”
Danielle: “Lime-n-Coconut with a dash of Sprite. Don’t waste my time.”
[Offers to put a pink umbrella in my drink as if to throw down the gauntlet.]
Danielle: “Come on. Push me.”
54b: “Anegada.”
Danielle: “High tide?”
54b: “Low tide.”
Danielle: “I’m with ya.”
54b: “Moonlight sail. Malfunctioning mizzen-mast. 80% chance of precip.”
Danielle: [Pauses to think] “Dark & Stormy.”
Capatain Joe: “YES!”
From the bottom of my liver…I really want to thank Danielle. My wife and I didn’t have the cash to charter our own boat to JVD and we really wanted a little more intimacy and flexibility than the canned trips on the bigger boats could offer. Danielle took it upon herself to find another couple to go with us and even promised us a flat rate even if my wife and I ended up being the only ones going that day. She’s good people and if you ever find yourself in the same boat we were in (aren’t puns fun), I highly recommend you contact Danielle at (www.sailingvirginislands.com) and upgrade yourself to a yacht.
10:11am –Riding shotgun with Captain Jack – The Most Interesting Cat In The Caribbean (or at the bravest anyway). This all-black bilge rat chaser has never spent a day of its nine lives on dry land. He’s friendly, fearless, and prefers his leeward litter box be kept duty free.
Seriously, this feline’s more chill than Chester the Cheetah. Plus he helped me locate Treazzure’s precious cargo…multiple cases of iced-down beer right under the seat cushions. Rrrrrreeeooooowww!
10:34am – Anchoring in Great Harbour, JVD while playing “Bobbing For Beers” (also known as “Dodge-Beer”). What’s that you ask? Why it’s only the latest drinking craze sweeping the Caribbean. How do you play? I’m glad you didn’t ask…
STEP 1: Dive off a sailboat while yelling, “Beer me!”
STEP 2: Someone on deck tosses a 12-ounce can (16oz for professionals) in after you (hopefully avoiding your head).
STEP 3: Locate said beer before resurfacing and chug it.
It’s fun for the whole family. And here’s the best part: even when you lose, you still win, because canned beer floats. (LEGAL: Void where inebriated. Not recommended in contiguous United States. Please drink and dive responsibly.)
10:46am – On the way to customs Captain Joe drops us off on the beach in front of the Jost Van Dyke Police Station. No doubt Great Harbour’s Finest felt the disturbance in the force long before I made landfall, but it does beg the question, do they really need cops on Jost and do they walk their beats barefoot? Inebriated minds like mine want to know. I figure even with idiots like me on the loose, there hasn’t been a better gig since Barney Fife regulated Mayberry.
11:47am – Testing the elasticity of my swimsuit while inhaling Foxy’s Chicken Roti…seriously, I could not have stopped eating that Caribbean burrito to attend the Apocalypse. It’s that good. Got freaky with a Friggin in de Riggin and chased it with one of Foxy’s home brews too.
12:52pm – In a moment of shear poetic irony, the Aquapac 6000 succumbs to poor packing practices and its promise to keep its precious cargo dry is compromised on the swim into White Bay…thus keeping alive the tradition and “joie de vivre” of the Soggy Dollar Bar. There’s just nothing like paying for a round of Painkillers with a bunch of wet dollar bills. Now that’s what I call, “making it rain.”
1:27pm – With an array of tropical cocktail confectionaries dotting a postcard white sandy beach replete with narcolepsy inducing hammocks overlooking crystal clear blue water made of unicorn tears, White Bay on Jost is quite possibly the most stress-free place on Earth…and how am I choosing to spend my time in Tranquil Town? Having a conniption fit trying to make a ring on a string (hanging from a tree) swoop over and catch on a tiny hook. It was like going to Chuck E. Cheese’s to do your taxes. Epic fail mon.
1:58pm – “But there’s booze in the One Love Bar blender...and soon it will render…a frozen Bushwacker that helps me hang on…hang on…hang on…hang on…” Keep drinking like this and I’ll have to declare my liver when I go back through customs.
2:13pm – Typically my wife cuts me off before Frank the Tank hits Defcon Floor, but the governor’s currently in a coma swaying in a hammock in front of Soggy’s. You know what that means…fasten your seatbelts and return your tray tables to their full-upright positions, next stop, spirit world…”hello dark rum, my old friend, I’ve come to drink with you again…”
2:44pm – Gathering our things before making the swim back to the boat and enjoying this lovely interrogation…
“Hey Sweetheart, how was your nap?”
“Wonderful…I see you had another Painkiller?”
“Who me…no, never-never...okay how’d you know?”
“You have nutmeg in your nose hairs.”
“Doh!”
Note To Self: When downing a Painkiller like a juice box, don’t breathe through your nose.
4ish pm – Proving that chivalry is not dead but decorum is on life-support by mooning the Caneel Bay Resort ferry to avenge the honor of the Treazzure, whose main cabin was flooded this morning thanks to an overzealous Caneel Bay ferryman that was rooster tailing through the no-wake zone off of Honeymoon beach.
5ish pm – Passing through customs armed with enough liquid courage to storm the Bastille and wondering aloud why they were so strict with their hours of operation. Seriously, I thought we were all on island time? This whole deadline thing is really harshing my mellow. Then my wife reminded me that if I didn’t shut up, I’d probably be spending the rest of the night with Homeland Security getting interviewed by Dr. Jellyfinger.
8:03pm – Still in the spirit world discussing the meaning of life with the bartender at Café Roma while waiting for a pizza. He used to be a lawyer in Cleveland until he decided to trade that bar for this one and move to St. John. I consider him a role model for the times and not just because he slipped me a Red Strip on the house.
So I cried on his shoulder and told him how even on St. John I didn’t feel like I could completely escape the worries about the recession and my job back home and how I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. He said if you think that’s heavy, wait ‘til you get a load of this pizza…seriously, no lie, I think that pie weighed 20-pounds. And holy pepperoni was it good...especially after drinking in the sun all day.
And you know what, he was right…it’s hard to worry about things you can’t control when the pizza you’re carrying is about to give you a hernia. That’s wisdom St. John style.
Coming sooner or later – Day 5 - Eastbound And Down For Fritters
It’s not about yesterday or tomorrow...It’s about today, for come what may – Sun, rain, or hurricane – we've only time for a smile, and none for sorrow
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Berlingirl
- Posts: 499
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 6:09 pm
- Location: New England
Ok...so I fixed my DH and I a painkiller each (with fresh nutmeg) and read your trip report out loud. Seriously had tears running down my face and DH laughing out loud through the whole thing.
Sorry it has to end eventually, but all good things must come to an end...thinking about starting up a collection on here to keep you writing...maybe you can hook me up with the gal that had you at Hello???
Sorry it has to end eventually, but all good things must come to an end...thinking about starting up a collection on here to keep you writing...maybe you can hook me up with the gal that had you at Hello???
Hoping for a USVI ticker in 2013!
If it weren't for VickiH's photos, she has some serious competition in trip report documentaries.
"harsh my mellow" hits home here as do alot of your slogans. And "Dr. Jellyfinger" just about made me spit out my evening cocktail!
Great writing! Please keep me in a happy place by writing another day of this remarkable trip.
"harsh my mellow" hits home here as do alot of your slogans. And "Dr. Jellyfinger" just about made me spit out my evening cocktail!
Great writing! Please keep me in a happy place by writing another day of this remarkable trip.
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StJohnRuth
- Posts: 1989
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 8:42 pm
- Location: St. John, VI
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msgcolleen
- Posts: 1497
- Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 8:33 am
- Location: Allen, Texas
. . . crystal clear blue water made of unicorn tears, White Bay on Jost is quite possibly the most stress-free place on Earth.
You could not have said it better!
(if you're ever north, north of Dallas, we would love to hear more of your adventures over a Mambo Taxi (or 2) at Mi Cocina~~~~~)
Cheers
You could not have said it better!(if you're ever north, north of Dallas, we would love to hear more of your adventures over a Mambo Taxi (or 2) at Mi Cocina~~~~~)
Cheers
I've got 2 tickets to paradise~Pack your bags we'll leave tonight!
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
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Boston Mike
- Posts: 974
- Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 5:41 am
- Location: Boston, MA.
1:58pm – “But there’s booze in the One Love Bar blender...and soon it will render…a frozen Bushwacker that helps me hang on…hang on…hang on…hang on…” Keep drinking like this and I’ll have to declare my liver when I go back through customs.
Ahhh yes, why is it, that at least once a day whilst on Island, Jimmy Buffett springs to mind??
Very intertaining TR! Although I am surprised you remember as much as you have, or you must have taken excellent notes through that PainKiller haze!
Oh, and Lake HghLands is not that far from us...we're in Garland....maybe we'll meet for a drink some time...
-Bert
Ahhh yes, why is it, that at least once a day whilst on Island, Jimmy Buffett springs to mind??
Very intertaining TR! Although I am surprised you remember as much as you have, or you must have taken excellent notes through that PainKiller haze!
Oh, and Lake HghLands is not that far from us...we're in Garland....maybe we'll meet for a drink some time...
-Bert
The liver is evil, it must be punished!
