Am I crazy????

[dejavu]

Very long story very short... We travel every year with some life long friends. 2010 will be our 3rd trip to STJ which we all love. The problem is that half of us want to veg out and relax and are completely content with island time. Snorkel, swim snooze and cocktail around the beautiful beaches and at the villa. The other couple wants to go happy hour at Woodys and then continue to drink the night away, they also want to shop and do day trips to STT. We have always encouraged them to PLEASE do whatever you want but they don't want to do anything without us and then sit around and make little comments. This is a couple that we see at least 2 times a week when we are not vacation in fact the wife and I work together. So it's not like they are dying to spend time with us, but we are the planners and they don't ever feel comfortable going off on their own.
Anyway... I am trying to determine if a 2bd 2 bath villa (new) at the Westin would be a good choice- that way they would have some night life and the water taxi available to them for STT, but I am afraid we will hate it after renting Villas the first two times. Any ideas??? I have encouraged them to vacation alone but they say "no we love going with you!" But in the mean time they are driving me crazy...
Sorry this is so long....

[mbw1024]

oh that would make me nuts! I'd have to find a way .. a very nice way .. to tell them no more!

some times when we are on vacation we say to each other, you know this might be fun with (insert XY or Z's couple name here) and then we pause and go no, nope. couldn't do it!

hard to find just the right people to travel with!

[augie]

If the little comments they make is what bother you then tell them up front: "you know we always encourage you to go and do the things you like, and we fully intend to do the things we like, so if you insist on coming along with us, and you further insist on hanging with us the whole time, then we insist that we not have to listen to you complain about our choices for how we spend our time".

I've never stayed at the Westin, but since I don't forsee us making multiple trips a year any time in the forseeable future, I don't plan on changing our status as "villa people". FOR ANYONE!

[piscesgirl0314]

I have no imput on The Westin because we always stay in villas. Have you suggested they get their own vehicle? I'm with Augie...If they insist on hanging with ya'll than they need to keep quiet...Its YOUR vacation too...otherwise tell them to rent their own vehicle and be done with it...

[JJShaw]

This is one reason we dont vacation with others, even family can be a pill sometimes, seems someone isnt ready when everyone else is, or no one can make up their mind what to go do. We do take family cruises together (on occassion) and thats not a yrly thing, but we each all go do our own thing and may not even see another group member for a day or so. No way would I wanna have to listen to the remarks ...We have thought about bringing friends to STJ...but then stopped and thought about it...and said..NAH !!! We are just happy doing our own thing when we want...and where we want...well...within reason that is..lol
good luck with whatever you decide..

[djmom]

Is the Westin really going to solve your problem?

I see them just calling you to find out what you are going to be doing. And then still doing what you are doing, just not at a house. Stuck at a hotel.

Unless you have decided to do things like take evasive action and leaving before they call, not answering the phone, avoiding them at the pool or whatever.

And then they are going to get mad.

So I agree with augie....just clear the air and tell them you love spending time with them. But not ALL the time with them. Because you know when they are not doing what they really want to do-that makes YOU unhappy too. And you want EVERYONE to be happy ALL the time.

And it really sounds do-able-if you communicate.

I say either that, or don't go with them at all.

[liamsaunt]

That would drive me CRAZY. I would jettison them, friends or no. But, I'm mean that way.

Here is an idea. You say that you are the planners, and that they don't like to go places without you. Could you create an itinerary just for them? Maybe they don't feel comfortable taking the initiative, and they would seperate from you if they saw their "plan" in writing.

So, while your "itinerary" says " Day 2: limin' on the beach and hanging at the villa," theirs could say " Day 2: 9 AM ferry to STT for shopping. Lunch at the Greenhouse at 1 PM. 5 PM ferry back to STJ for dinner at the house, etc." Some people really do need to see things in writing to visualize their activities.

Just a thought...

[LysaC]

"Really? You guys want to come back to STJ with us this year?! I kinda got the impression that you didn't have a good time last year because..."

Maybe they'll get the hint.

[cypressgirl]

I can see that you are in a tough spot since these are close friends you see all the time and work with the wife. I think you have to really find the right time, right mood, and choose your words carefully. In a tackful way, you have to tell them what you like to do, but you are worried that they don't enjoy the same things you do and you're concerned they won't have fun just limin' on the beach and hanging at the villa. You might want to explain to them that you are tired, stressed, or whatever the case "may" be, and you really need to have a relaxing vacation and come home rested. Then maybe Liamsanut's idea of giving them an itenerary of how they could spend their days doing what they enjoy and you could meet up at night for dinner. If they want to stay up and party all night, they can, but you'll have to have 2 cars. I think the 2 car thing is a must and they're not children, and they should be able to get around on their own without you as an escort. I would think if they stay up partying all night, they'd be ready for a little R&R on the beach.

It's your vacation too, and I would not give up the villa idea so they can have night life, when town is 5 min. down the road. I'm not sure what kind of night life The Westin has anyway.

Good luck!

[Fowst]

Wife and I are heading down with not 1, but 3 other couples in June. We're definitely not cut from the same cloth when it comes to planning activities, but I think we've worked it out very well. The best solution I can offer is see if you can plan the activities they'll want to do ahead of time, then make it clear that the rest of the time is for relaxation. Throw them some bones on stuff they want to do (and you can always say, "we really don't want to do this, but you guys TOTALLY need to, so just drop us off in Cruz Bay"), and that way it's understood there is some scheduled "no schedule" time and there's no complaining allowed.

[dejavu]

I know that we should just say "no" but its very very hard. DH & I went to Bermuda last year for our 26th annv. ALONE and it was fabulous. Now this year they both say they want to go to Bermuda with us- we told them flat out-NO!! We made it clear that we needed a vaction to ourselves. Last year on STJ after a few drinks I told them very nicely that maybe they would enjoy traveling alone, doing whatever they wanted whenever they wanted to do it- hint hint.... but no go they still stuck to us like glue. The funny thing is that DH & I are empty nesters- we are alone all the time- they have thier 2 adult kids still living at home you would think they would be dying for some "alone time"
I think I'll just go ahead and rent a villa and hope for the best.

[bevm]

We always make sure the other people get their own car. That way we just tell them we'll meet them at the villa (for cocktails, dinner, etc. and give them a time estimate) and off we go to do our own thing.
Remember it's your vacation too and if you're catering to everyone else's wants/needs it's no fun for you and you get resentful.

[dejavu]

I know that we should just say "no" but its very very hard. DH & I went to Bermuda last year for our 26th annv. ALONE and it was fabulous. Now this year they both say they want to go to Bermuda with us- we told them flat out-NO!! We made it clear that we needed a vaction to ourselves. Last year on STJ after a few drinks I told them very nicely that maybe they would enjoy traveling alone, doing whatever they wanted whenever they wanted to do it- hint hint.... but no go they still stuck to us like glue. The funny thing is that DH & I are empty nesters- we are alone all the time- they have thier 2 adult kids still living at home you would think they would be dying for some "alone time"
I think I'll just go ahead and rent a villa and hope for the best.

[mit43]

While it may be difficult, "Honesty is the best policy". What? Did I say that or is my Mom speaking through me?! Yikes!

But really, you have to be honest with them. If they are true friends, they will understand. If they get mad, it's not your fault. This is a vacation and you can't be worried about them the whole time or you might as well stay home.

I guess we are all different, but I can't think of anyone else I would want to take with us. We enjoy being alone too much!

[cypressgirl]

I think you have a similar disorder that I also have been known to have..........The disease to please! You have to decide how important this couple is to your regular life. If you are as close as you say, you should be able to tell them how you want to spend your vacation, and if they care about you at all, they should respect that. If they don't, then maybe they are not the special friends you thought they were. Relationships should be at least 50/50. If you are doing all the giving and they are the takers, then maybe you need to cool it with them and find frinds you have more in common with. I know that's easier said than done. Better yet, take a STJ vacation by yourself. It's much more romantic.