Then there was that day at work........rambling ahead

[greyhoundmom]

When you are blind-sided by your fellow office mate who lambasts you out of the blue?? Friday was not a good day. I work in a small office with one other female. We have worked together for 3 years and always had a great relationship. It is purely a working relationship and we work well together for the good of the company, always helping each to insure that the office runs smoothly. Our personalities are pretty different. We both have a strongth work ethic and we get the job done, taking pride in what we do. I am more laid-back in the sense that I enjoy the interaction with the people I work with. She has a very controlled personality, very much by the book. She comes in 30 minutes early every day and is afraid to get out of her comfort zone. I come in 5 minutes before start of business and like to leave 5 minutes before end of day to get a jump on traffic. She is a huge worrier and frets about every little thing. My approach is "if you can't fix it, don't obsess about it". I scheduled at home utility service appt. at 10:00 on Monday and found out she forgot to tell me she had a 10:30 doctor's appt. It meant 15 minutes when both of us would be out of the office. I told her not to cancel her appt., the rest of the office would be fine without us both there for a short amount of time. She rescheduled her appointment and told me Friday that she was so angry all weekend and she didn't think that I took my job as seriously as she took her job and we could never both be out at the same time. Our jobs are lateral positions - she is not my boss. I was totally shocked at the extreme anger that she portrayed. So much so that when we left on Friday I went back in to talk to the president of our company. He reiterated what I already knew; we don't punch time clocks, as long as the work is done, no problem with the rest of the office picking up the slack if we're both out occasionally and that his interpretation of her is that she is very "intense". He said if I felt like I had closure on Friday to come in Monday and pretend it had never happened. I agree with him. She is a valuable employee and he doesn't play favorites. I simply wanted to clarify that I hadn't taken anything for granted in making an appointment, not knowing that she had an overlapping appointment. She is a very good person but my description would be that she thinks the office can't survive without her if she isn't there all the time. She told me she worries about taking time off because she thinks things won't run right. She was so angry that her voice was shaking and I was totally in shock. I told her that our personalities were different and that we complement each other, each having a strong desire to get the job done. So, after all this rambling, I've been thinking about it too much this weekend and need to re-group for Monday. Anyone work with this type personality? I can't help but think she is angry because I don't have her obsessive need to control things - when it's time to have fun, I'm definitely there. I feel that she is trying to control me and I don't like it. My soon to be 22 baby boy said, "Mom just go to work Monday with a shirt that says No More Bitch-Assness If only if were that simple! Any input would be appreciated!

[byado18]

So sorry you had a bad day and that it has spoiled your weekend!

Another possibility is that she has things going on outside of work that are troubling her in some way and without you having any idea, this was just one too many things that were out of her control..... and you were the closest person when she exploded......

Hopefully, on Monday am things will seem better for both of you!

Don't forget to take a deep breath!

[djmom]

here is my advice.

Your boss knows she is a little psycho. So he gets it.

And you do too.

But she cares about her job, so probably not the worst "partner" you could have.

I would say, just cater to her a bit. As an old boss of mine said, "kill them with kindness". Tell her that you are so glad you have a partner who cares or whatever. Make her feel appreciated, which is all she needs.

She will feel great about herself, and you will know she is a little wacky.

You know you didn't do anything wrong, but the best way to deal with those kind of people is just make them feel indispensable, so she will just continue on and she will feel very happy and satisfied that you "appreciate" her.

Sort of what you said, that you complement each other.


And she can go home and worry about work and you can go home and live your life.

[liamsaunt]

Hi greyhoundmom,

Yes, I have worked with people like that. Not currently, thank god, but I remember it all too well. It was miserable, and ultimately changed my entire career track.

My advice is to follow your bosses' advice and simply pretend that it never happened. Your boss told you that you are doing your job correctly and that is all that matters. Maybe your coworker was having a bad day. Maybe she is so wedded to her job that she defines her sense of self from it. Who cares--your coworker and her issues are not your problem. Just keep doing your job well, remain professional at all times, and continue making your boss happy.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

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[greyhoundmom]

Thanks so much, Byado (I'm taking a deep breath!), DJ (I'll kill her with kindness), LiamsAunt (Monday is a new day), Fatboy (I'm not fretting anymore)! Your replies are much appreciated. When hit in the face with such anger it made me step back to re-group. I am not a great fan of confrontation (although GHDad thrives on it in is 30 year industry!). Your advice is very much in-line with what I feel. I'm a small cog in a big wheel and need to be flexible. Fatboy,really feel your advice and if I were a guy and not in my 50's (it's been a long road for the ladies in the work-place), I would take the harder line because in my heart I have a tough and caustic sense of humor which sometimes gets me in trouble! Ever know a southern lady who you think is all sweetness and light? Believe you me, honey-child, there are lots of us out there that might suprise you with our attitudes! But, bless your little hearts (we always ends our sentences that way!) we try to take the higher road. There are lines that can't be crossed and I was born perhaps 30 years too late to be the assertive woman (in my business life) that I really am in my personal life and keep my job! Thanks again for giving me this positive feedback, it means so much!

Jan

[Wakey]

But, bless your little hearts

See, right there..

Don't fvck with this woman.

I KNOW what that means!!!

[sailorgirl]

Have I ever worked with someone like this... I lived with someone like this... you have described my older sister to a "T". She is a complusive worrier, convinced that she must control everything and that only she can do it correctly. Its a very hard personality type to deal with, but all you can do is remember its her stuff not yours. She is not reacting to you as much as she is reacting to her own insecurities. Take the high road, if you already aplogized to her, leave it at that.

[greyhoundmom]

Wakey, you get it...nuff' said!!!

Sailorgirl, I empathize with you, although not in my family, but I worked for someone for 7 years prior that made it so difficult to try to be true to myself while trying to understand that place that she came from. God bless their little souls.....

[cptnkirk]

Hey thats the guy I work with although we haven't had a run in. I feel sorry for anyone that is that dedicated to there job. He stayed till 9:30 last Friday (Not payed) and were closing. My dad was that way and it got him a heart attack and he never got to enjoy retirement.

[linne]

hellooo folks !

When I still worked, I was very dedicated to my job. I wanted to do it without making mistakes,was very conscientiousness, if I had any problems, I could think of them in the weekends, I sometimes controlled other colleagues work, and when I was boss in a small department, I wanted to be sure that my employees did their work right, knew that I had more experiences and sometimes were more competently than them, also I found it wrong, if colleagues didn’t take the job seriously etc. . So I was very similar to the type you describe and don’t like.

But I cannot see that it’s wrong to be dedicated to the job and feel responsibility. I have to tell that I worked in a bank, and if we made mistakes or gave a wrong advice, it could cause a lot of trouble for our customers. And honestly- just now I feel that there should have been more bank employees,who should have done their job better !

In spite of that I would never behave like the woman you tell about greyhoundmom, also I will claim that I had a life outside the bank, and yesterday I was to a 50 years birthday party for one of the employees I had, we are still very good friends.

Linne

BTW I would just ignore the episode and be kind to her - but not more than you use to be

[aroobagirl]

Try to bear in mind that controlling is often a symptom of fear. That must be a tough way to live. Once you understand motivation it helps to defuse these situations.
Have a good Monday, perhaps it will rub off!

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[chicagoans]

I agree with others' comments that her issue on Friday may have been stress over something completely unrelated and unfortunately you got caught in the cross-hairs. I also don't think you need to treat her any differently than usual, unless you suspect something besides work is wrong.

If she's so concerned that the company will fall apart without her, then she's not very good at delegating or mentoring, is she? Some people are information-hoarders (for lack of a better term) who don't share processes and/or information; being the only one who knows how to do something makes them feel important or indispensible. That's obviously bad for the business, so her work ethic is a bit off. What if that person gets ill or quits? Processes and information should be documented so that work can be picked up by someone else if necessary. Unfortunately I had to manage someone like that after getting the job she wanted - you can imagine how that started! - but was able to turn her around by working closely with her on setting goals. One of those goals had to do with her documenting and publishing procedures and information and giving her recognition for doing it well.

This isn't to say that people shouldn't be specialized in what they do, but today more than ever it's important to have transparency and auditability.

[Terry]

After attending a workshop on Saturday on "Achieving the mind-body-spirit" connection at work...she definitely has the B.M.W. theory..."Bitch, Moan and Whine." Also learned a term that many of you may have heard already.."crackberry"...for those that are addicted to their blackberry.

Ignore it as best you can, rise above it and focus on you, simple assertiveness and healthy boundries. Do creative problem solving and don't give it another thought.

Breath, meditate, and sooth your soul.

Her ego took over, don't let yours take over. Reach back to your soul and regroup,. Remember that she is the one with the problem, not you.