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Gromit's Adventures in Happy Land: Day 7
Gromit's Adventures in Happy Land: Day 7
Gromit's Adventures in Happy Land: Day 7
(Again, REALLY long but HOPEFULLY worth it!)
Location: Mayan Sky (Upper Carolina) Coral Bay
Gromit's Cast of characters:Gromit: ME!!
Mr. Gromit: Hubby
MIL: Mother in law (Newbie)
FIL: Father in law (Newbie)
*Other Krewe members will be added as the days progress!
Saturday December 13 (Day 7 of 7 + travel day tomorrow): Snorkeling at Salt Pond, hike to Drunk Bay; lunch at The Tourist Trap; Drink Right, Keep Left; Dinner at Asolare.
Happy Birthday to me!! Can't believe I made it to 37. Exactly 37 yeasr ago I was born at 13:13 on the 13th. I'm a LUCKY girl!!
Seriously, I didn't need any other gift on this day of all days. Just being on STJ with my wonderful husband of 10 and a half years was enough for me and I do mean that in all seriousness.
We headed out onto the deck to eat some breakfast and enjoy the morning.
MIL produced a card and a pair of earrings that they purchased for me the previous day during their shopping excursion in town. Very sweet!
They also said that they had made reservations at Asolare for that evening.
I wasn't that thrilled with the idea of going to Asolare to be completely honest. We've been several times before and it's a decent place but I'd honestly been happy just hanging out at Island Blues or Skinny Legs. But, as it turns out, MIL has brought a dress that she wanted to wear so we're going to Asolare.
Knowing this was to be our last full day on island and the IL's had had plenty of time to get to know the place I wanted to let them decide how to spend the last day.
MIL surprised me by saying that she wanted to return to Salt Pond. Apparently she liked the snorkeling there. She was lucky enough to see a turtle on her very first snorkeling excursion and I think she thought she'd be as lucky again.
Since we'd been rained out on the first trip to Salt Pond I was eager to go back myself and do some more snorkeling. This morning we got started a bit earlier and there were plenty of parking spaces in the lot.
We hiked down the trail and spotted LOADS of hermit crabs on the path. They were EVERYWHERE. Some were close to the size of a child's fist and some were as small as the tip of my pinky finger. I had never seen so many hermit crabs in one spot. It was kind of fun checking them out as we walked.
Scored a really nice spot in the middle of the beach away from the catch and keep bushes. We immediately donned the snorkel gear and headed out to snorkel. Hubby wanted to head straight out and then snorkel back along the right.
In the past we spotted a school of squid in the center of Salt Pond close to shore. This trip we didn't spot one single squid.
There's not much out toward the middle and as I suspected the rocks that look "close to shore" were not so much... close to shore that is.
MIL was in tow and she was not super happy. As you get towards the rocks there is some interesting stuff to look at but the water gets pretty choppy and the swim is like the one around Waterlemon cay.
I'm sure it was even more spectacular on the ocean side of the rocks but it was getting choppy and I thought it better to just aim for the right side and snorkel back to shore along the shoreline.
I have to say I don't think the snorkeling on this side of Salt Pond is as good as the left side (facing out to sea). Although this IS where I spotted the nurse shark last year. All in all we were out for an hour. MIL had bailed early on.
We made our way back to shore and then collapsed on our Neat Sheet and towels to dry off and take a nap.
I always make sure to bring plenty of snacks and water to Salt Pond. It's really in the middle of nowhere which means it takes a while to get anywhere from there and it just won't do to be hot, tired and thirsty in the middle of nowhere as far as I am concerned.
TIP!! We always save empty water bottles and fill them with water the night before and put them in the freezer. Then we take them to the beach.
By the time you need water they are half way melted and you have ice-cold water at your disposal. This little trick works very well for us. I guess you could do the same with fruit juice, tea, etc.
Midway through the morning I decided that I wanted to do the hike to Drunk Bay. I had never done it before and heard that it was a pretty easy hike.
Hubby and FIL were smoking cigars and looking pretty comfy. So I asked MIL if she wanted to go. She said, "Sure."
So I get some shorts and a t-shirt on and squeeze my sandy feet into my Keens. I grab a half melted bottle of water and I look over to see if MIL is also ready.
She's still in her polka dot bathing suit and is splashing around in the water with her bare feet.
I ask her if she's "ready to go."
She says, "I'm ready."
At this point I stop and regroup. Deep breath.
I politely walk over to her and say, "Look, I've never done this hike before. I don't think it's very long and I think it's pretty flat but I don't know what exactly to expect. At a minimum I think you need to get some shoes on your feet."
She looks at me with a frustrated expression and says, "Oh."
She seems annoyed, but squats down and puts on the Keens that I talked her into buying a few months before the trip (We found those puppies on sale for like $50 bucks and they were a steal at that price).
Finally she gets her shoes on, still clad only in her polka dot bathing suit and starts to walk down the beach toward the trail.
"Um, Mom. Do you have some water?"
"Do I need it?" she asks brusquely.
"Yeah. You might." Thinking I'm bringing enough for me but you're on your own if you decide that you're thirsty.
She grabs a water bottle and again aims herself toward the end of the beach.
Once at the end of the beach we look to the left and see the trail head signs. "DRUNK BAY .3 MILES"
I look at her and ask if she's OK with this. She says she's fine with it and off we go with me in the lead.
Now, I have to say that overall this is a very easy hike. It wraps around to the left of an actual Salt Pond. The trail itself is a very narrow dirt path that looks as if it is about to be swallowed by the foliage and cacti that borders it. The trail winds its way through the brush twisting and turning.
In clothing I was fine, but about half-way down the trail, MIL quickly realized her error.
Along most of the trail you will find catch and keep alternating with cacti. Usually there's something less innocuous across from either the catch and keep or the cacti to lean towards safely but there's one spot where one is directly across from the other.
I got though just fine but I turned around to warn the MIL to be very careful and to squeeze through slowly.
TIP!! Wear something more than a bathing suit on the Drunk Bay hike.
At this point I think she was grateful that I suggested she wear shoes. And a few moments later she says, "Guess I should have put on some clothes, huh?"
Seeing as I had nothing to say that didn't at the very least border on sarcasm, I just kept my mouth shut and said, "Do you hear that? Sounds like crashing water?" (This is the MIL equivalent of the "Look a Turtle" distraction technique I use for hubby) I sped up.
Sure enough I spotted the cobblestones up ahead and can just get a glimpse of coral people like white corpses scattered across the beach.
Drunk Bay really does feel like a different planet. The sculptures created with reclaimed coral and rocks are surreal and I marveled at people's creativity.
Blue waves crashed on the shoreline.
Someone has created a little shelter here that is half dug into the ground and covered with flotsam. There's even an impromptu padded bench and a couple of piles of fishing net and even a small fire pit with stones curling around it to trap the flames.
I sit down on the bench and consider that Robinson Crusoe couldn't do much better.
I imagine that there's someone who regularly retreats to this place at night to live out their own life according to their own terms. Someone who has something to run from but nothing to run to and needs little but what nature provides.
My philosophical meanderings are interrupted by the MIL, who is not nearly as impressed as she thought she would be.
"Pretty neat, huh?" I shout over the waves.
"Uh Huh," she replies, nonplussed.
She looks supremely bored in her black and white polka dot suit and she toys with a rock with the rubber tip of her Keens.
I could sit here all day just to watch the light and how it dances around in this place. I could watch the waves crash in for hours and just meditate on the wonders of the universe. This a perfect place for introspection and practicing self-awareness...
"You ready to go?" she shouts.
Sadly, I drop my head.
"Sure. Uh huh. Ready to go," I say grudgingly.
So off we head back down the trail toward Salt Pond beach.
Now, I am proud to say that I DID take photos of this little excursion but it's been so long since I downloaded photos from my camera that I couldn't get it to work. I know ... I'm retarded. I'll try to post photos later.
We make it back to the beach and MIL successfully makes her way past the catch and keep and cacti without either impaling herself or tearing her bathing suit.
Sufficiently hot and thirsty we finish off our drinking water and then jump in the water to cool off.
After drying off one last time we decide it's time to walk up that bitch of a hill and head to the Tourist Trap for lunch.
The Tourist Trap is one of the islands latest additions and based on our experience we hope it is here to stay.
Larry runs a fine little establishment that consists of a tent and a trailer. A mish mash of plastic tables and chairs dot the yard. The crowd is a healthy mix of locals and visitors.
It's a place like no other and there no other place it could be, but right where it is.
Larry has something going here. He has a halphhazard selection of items on the menu including BBQ wings, tacos, lobster rolls and whatever suits him for the day.
He also has a specialty drink that he has trademarked called the "Drink Right, Keep Left." It's a lethal mix of rums and god knows what else. Lethal, because you can't really taste the liquor in it until it hits you.
The BBQ wings were good. But not as good as Island Blues. Larry's claim to fame - and rightly so - is his lobster rolls.
As he will tell you proudly, he's from "New Hampsha" and the man KNOWS his lobster rolls.
Not heavily laden with mayo, he leaves the tender lobster tail meat to stand on its own. It virtually melts in your mouth. They are $11 of yummy goodness and if I wasn't afraid of looking like a glutton I would have ordered three more and skipped dinner later that night.
FIL and I had the lobster rolls and hubby and MIL ordered the tacos. Larry says that he makes the taco meat spices from scratch and boils the meat for hours. These too looked very good. But since I wasn't about to share my lobster roll with anyone I wasn't exactly going to ask to taste theirs.
Hey! It's my birthday people!
After a lingering lunch of great food, good company and free flowing specialty drinks we decided it was time to head back to the villa.
To be honest I could have hung out at the Tourist Trap for the rest of the day just shooting the sh!t with the locals and figuring out world peace one Drink Right, Keep Left at a time.
On the way back to the villa, I stopped by Jolly Dog to pick up some more Zulugrass bracelets. These are great because I can wear them in the water and pretty much year round. They are fun to mix and match and I just love them. For more on these, visit:
http://www.leakeylife.com/index.phpp=ca ... ent=3&pg=1
Later that evening we got dressed and headed to Asolare. I'll be honest and say that I was kind of grumpy. I really didn't want to get all dressed up for dinner. Normally I love that kind of stuff but I really wasn't in the mood.
MIL strolled out in this admittedly gorgeous tropical maxi-dress. Really was cute. But I was already a bit miffed having to sit around and wait for her to get dressed for what was supposed to be MY birthday dinner.
I was under no illusion that this night was not about me.
I decided to drive since in order to keep from getting really annoyed I needed something to do.
On island we listen to "the Mongoose" radio station in the Jeep and during the drive Elton John's "Tiny Dancer," came on the radio.
I started to sing softly and was really getting into the song, when the MIL starts to talk at the top of her lungs about something totally random.
I just sang louder, "HOLD ME CLOSER TINY DANCER.... Dum dum dum... COUNT THE HEADLIGHTS ON THE HIGHWAY....."
She continued on unabated... and so did I.
We arrived at Asolare for our reservations at 8:00 pm. The hostess informed us that our table wasn't ready yet. I surveyed the half empty restaurant...
"Fine. We'll go get a drink at the bar," I say.
The Hostess looks uncomfortable "Umm. Yeah. We don't have a bartender tonight."
"Pardon?" I ask.
"Yeah, Our Bartender had to go home," she explains.
"Oh, well that's OK," I say "I've been practicing all week. Got any jell-O? Oh never mind I think I can come up with something. Do I get to keep the tips?"
At this point the hostess starts to look uncomfortable and looks me in the eye clearly trying to size me up and to determine if I am:
1) high;
2) kidding; or
3) dead on balls serious.
Let me give you a tip: Pick 3 on this one.
Fear of recognition clouds her eyes and she says, "Please don't. I'll try to get a waiter to get over there as quickly as possible."
Uh. Huh. Better get him over here fast cause in about 5 minutes I'm going to be playing Tom Cruise in Cocktail and I don't care what I break.
About 3 minutes later someone came over to hook us up.
Asolare really is a lovely establishment. It's what I imagine every bar in a Hemingway novel set in the Keys to look like. Everything has the yellowish- brown glow and you can look out over Cruz bay and the water to see St. Thomas twinkling lights in the distance.
The in-laws marveled at the beauty of the bar and were clearly impressed. MIL looked fabulous in her tropical maxi-dress and seemed pleased with her choice for restaurants... and it all went downhill from there.
Ordering seemed simple enough. Asolare serves Asian fusion cuisine and typically their service and food are done reasonably well.
I ordered three courses. Everyone else at the table ordered two. Appetizers were fine but I should have know that something was up when the server came to collect my fish fork (my second course was supposed to be calamari, followed by a third course of duck breast) and placed down a meat knife.
I noted to the server that I still hadn't gotten my second course yet and I asked for a refill of iced tea for the 4th time.
He said he would check on it. He hadn't been gone for two seconds when they brought out the main courses for all four of us.
The server came back out and said that they were working on the second course. I told him to just not worry about it and to take it off the bill.
MIL tries to cut into her fish with a fork and it's like rubber. She reaches for her knife to try and cut into the fish and is literally sawing at it. Clearly it's overdone.
At this point someone else came over and asked, "How is everything?"
"Not good," I reply.
I start to politely list off the things that are "not right" about the meal and our experience this evening. She looks at the fish, my empty glass and realizes that I am not being picky but have an actual grievance.
She apologizes and takes the fish away. Two seconds later a profusely sweating chef delivers the calamari and apologizes.
I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted that we should take it and that it was on the house. Seeing that the MIL had nothing to eat I figured she could munch on this until her fish came back out.
The duck was decent and the rest of the meal was generally uneventful.
At this point I was just ready to go. But the IL's were enjoying the view and I decided that I was in need of some Flip Flop therapy. So excused myself to the restroom and dialed my BFF looking for a lifeline. DENIED! BFF is out at a party. UGH!!
So I quickly dial my Mom. Thanks Mom for talking me off the ledge!
Happy birthday to me.
As I hang up, the chef steps out of the kitchen to smoke a cigarette. He sees me and apologizes for the fish.
"Hey, no worries I say. It's just fish. We've eaten here several times before and this was probably the worst ever."
He took it on the chin and said, "You're right. We totally screwed up. Really sorry."
"It happens, nothing personal" I say.
"None taken," he replies as he draws in his smoke.
Knowing that I couldn't just hang out by the trash can talking to the chef the rest of the night, I squared my shoulders and headed back inside.
Everyone asked if I wanted dessert. Nope. Not interested.
Alrightythen.
Here's my thing about Asolare having eaten there many times over the years. They've got a nice place but the food and the service are often lacking especially when you're paying those prices.
We piled into the Jeep and headed for the Villa.
I decided to get started packing that night knowing that there would be plenty to do to clean up the Villa before departure the next day.
Tomorrow: Travel Day home; Walk of Woe; Candy for the kids; Nasty Dads; and lessons learned.
(Again, REALLY long but HOPEFULLY worth it!)
Location: Mayan Sky (Upper Carolina) Coral Bay
Gromit's Cast of characters:Gromit: ME!!
Mr. Gromit: Hubby
MIL: Mother in law (Newbie)
FIL: Father in law (Newbie)
*Other Krewe members will be added as the days progress!
Saturday December 13 (Day 7 of 7 + travel day tomorrow): Snorkeling at Salt Pond, hike to Drunk Bay; lunch at The Tourist Trap; Drink Right, Keep Left; Dinner at Asolare.
Happy Birthday to me!! Can't believe I made it to 37. Exactly 37 yeasr ago I was born at 13:13 on the 13th. I'm a LUCKY girl!!
Seriously, I didn't need any other gift on this day of all days. Just being on STJ with my wonderful husband of 10 and a half years was enough for me and I do mean that in all seriousness.
We headed out onto the deck to eat some breakfast and enjoy the morning.
MIL produced a card and a pair of earrings that they purchased for me the previous day during their shopping excursion in town. Very sweet!
They also said that they had made reservations at Asolare for that evening.
I wasn't that thrilled with the idea of going to Asolare to be completely honest. We've been several times before and it's a decent place but I'd honestly been happy just hanging out at Island Blues or Skinny Legs. But, as it turns out, MIL has brought a dress that she wanted to wear so we're going to Asolare.
Knowing this was to be our last full day on island and the IL's had had plenty of time to get to know the place I wanted to let them decide how to spend the last day.
MIL surprised me by saying that she wanted to return to Salt Pond. Apparently she liked the snorkeling there. She was lucky enough to see a turtle on her very first snorkeling excursion and I think she thought she'd be as lucky again.
Since we'd been rained out on the first trip to Salt Pond I was eager to go back myself and do some more snorkeling. This morning we got started a bit earlier and there were plenty of parking spaces in the lot.
We hiked down the trail and spotted LOADS of hermit crabs on the path. They were EVERYWHERE. Some were close to the size of a child's fist and some were as small as the tip of my pinky finger. I had never seen so many hermit crabs in one spot. It was kind of fun checking them out as we walked.
Scored a really nice spot in the middle of the beach away from the catch and keep bushes. We immediately donned the snorkel gear and headed out to snorkel. Hubby wanted to head straight out and then snorkel back along the right.
In the past we spotted a school of squid in the center of Salt Pond close to shore. This trip we didn't spot one single squid.
There's not much out toward the middle and as I suspected the rocks that look "close to shore" were not so much... close to shore that is.
MIL was in tow and she was not super happy. As you get towards the rocks there is some interesting stuff to look at but the water gets pretty choppy and the swim is like the one around Waterlemon cay.
I'm sure it was even more spectacular on the ocean side of the rocks but it was getting choppy and I thought it better to just aim for the right side and snorkel back to shore along the shoreline.
I have to say I don't think the snorkeling on this side of Salt Pond is as good as the left side (facing out to sea). Although this IS where I spotted the nurse shark last year. All in all we were out for an hour. MIL had bailed early on.
We made our way back to shore and then collapsed on our Neat Sheet and towels to dry off and take a nap.
I always make sure to bring plenty of snacks and water to Salt Pond. It's really in the middle of nowhere which means it takes a while to get anywhere from there and it just won't do to be hot, tired and thirsty in the middle of nowhere as far as I am concerned.
TIP!! We always save empty water bottles and fill them with water the night before and put them in the freezer. Then we take them to the beach.
By the time you need water they are half way melted and you have ice-cold water at your disposal. This little trick works very well for us. I guess you could do the same with fruit juice, tea, etc.
Midway through the morning I decided that I wanted to do the hike to Drunk Bay. I had never done it before and heard that it was a pretty easy hike.
Hubby and FIL were smoking cigars and looking pretty comfy. So I asked MIL if she wanted to go. She said, "Sure."
So I get some shorts and a t-shirt on and squeeze my sandy feet into my Keens. I grab a half melted bottle of water and I look over to see if MIL is also ready.
She's still in her polka dot bathing suit and is splashing around in the water with her bare feet.
I ask her if she's "ready to go."
She says, "I'm ready."
At this point I stop and regroup. Deep breath.
I politely walk over to her and say, "Look, I've never done this hike before. I don't think it's very long and I think it's pretty flat but I don't know what exactly to expect. At a minimum I think you need to get some shoes on your feet."
She looks at me with a frustrated expression and says, "Oh."
She seems annoyed, but squats down and puts on the Keens that I talked her into buying a few months before the trip (We found those puppies on sale for like $50 bucks and they were a steal at that price).
Finally she gets her shoes on, still clad only in her polka dot bathing suit and starts to walk down the beach toward the trail.
"Um, Mom. Do you have some water?"
"Do I need it?" she asks brusquely.
"Yeah. You might." Thinking I'm bringing enough for me but you're on your own if you decide that you're thirsty.
She grabs a water bottle and again aims herself toward the end of the beach.
Once at the end of the beach we look to the left and see the trail head signs. "DRUNK BAY .3 MILES"
I look at her and ask if she's OK with this. She says she's fine with it and off we go with me in the lead.
Now, I have to say that overall this is a very easy hike. It wraps around to the left of an actual Salt Pond. The trail itself is a very narrow dirt path that looks as if it is about to be swallowed by the foliage and cacti that borders it. The trail winds its way through the brush twisting and turning.
In clothing I was fine, but about half-way down the trail, MIL quickly realized her error.
Along most of the trail you will find catch and keep alternating with cacti. Usually there's something less innocuous across from either the catch and keep or the cacti to lean towards safely but there's one spot where one is directly across from the other.
I got though just fine but I turned around to warn the MIL to be very careful and to squeeze through slowly.
TIP!! Wear something more than a bathing suit on the Drunk Bay hike.
At this point I think she was grateful that I suggested she wear shoes. And a few moments later she says, "Guess I should have put on some clothes, huh?"
Seeing as I had nothing to say that didn't at the very least border on sarcasm, I just kept my mouth shut and said, "Do you hear that? Sounds like crashing water?" (This is the MIL equivalent of the "Look a Turtle" distraction technique I use for hubby) I sped up.
Sure enough I spotted the cobblestones up ahead and can just get a glimpse of coral people like white corpses scattered across the beach.
Drunk Bay really does feel like a different planet. The sculptures created with reclaimed coral and rocks are surreal and I marveled at people's creativity.
Blue waves crashed on the shoreline.
Someone has created a little shelter here that is half dug into the ground and covered with flotsam. There's even an impromptu padded bench and a couple of piles of fishing net and even a small fire pit with stones curling around it to trap the flames.
I sit down on the bench and consider that Robinson Crusoe couldn't do much better.
I imagine that there's someone who regularly retreats to this place at night to live out their own life according to their own terms. Someone who has something to run from but nothing to run to and needs little but what nature provides.
My philosophical meanderings are interrupted by the MIL, who is not nearly as impressed as she thought she would be.
"Pretty neat, huh?" I shout over the waves.
"Uh Huh," she replies, nonplussed.
She looks supremely bored in her black and white polka dot suit and she toys with a rock with the rubber tip of her Keens.
I could sit here all day just to watch the light and how it dances around in this place. I could watch the waves crash in for hours and just meditate on the wonders of the universe. This a perfect place for introspection and practicing self-awareness...
"You ready to go?" she shouts.
Sadly, I drop my head.
"Sure. Uh huh. Ready to go," I say grudgingly.
So off we head back down the trail toward Salt Pond beach.
Now, I am proud to say that I DID take photos of this little excursion but it's been so long since I downloaded photos from my camera that I couldn't get it to work. I know ... I'm retarded. I'll try to post photos later.
We make it back to the beach and MIL successfully makes her way past the catch and keep and cacti without either impaling herself or tearing her bathing suit.
Sufficiently hot and thirsty we finish off our drinking water and then jump in the water to cool off.
After drying off one last time we decide it's time to walk up that bitch of a hill and head to the Tourist Trap for lunch.
The Tourist Trap is one of the islands latest additions and based on our experience we hope it is here to stay.
Larry runs a fine little establishment that consists of a tent and a trailer. A mish mash of plastic tables and chairs dot the yard. The crowd is a healthy mix of locals and visitors.
It's a place like no other and there no other place it could be, but right where it is.
Larry has something going here. He has a halphhazard selection of items on the menu including BBQ wings, tacos, lobster rolls and whatever suits him for the day.
He also has a specialty drink that he has trademarked called the "Drink Right, Keep Left." It's a lethal mix of rums and god knows what else. Lethal, because you can't really taste the liquor in it until it hits you.
The BBQ wings were good. But not as good as Island Blues. Larry's claim to fame - and rightly so - is his lobster rolls.
As he will tell you proudly, he's from "New Hampsha" and the man KNOWS his lobster rolls.
Not heavily laden with mayo, he leaves the tender lobster tail meat to stand on its own. It virtually melts in your mouth. They are $11 of yummy goodness and if I wasn't afraid of looking like a glutton I would have ordered three more and skipped dinner later that night.
FIL and I had the lobster rolls and hubby and MIL ordered the tacos. Larry says that he makes the taco meat spices from scratch and boils the meat for hours. These too looked very good. But since I wasn't about to share my lobster roll with anyone I wasn't exactly going to ask to taste theirs.
Hey! It's my birthday people!
After a lingering lunch of great food, good company and free flowing specialty drinks we decided it was time to head back to the villa.
To be honest I could have hung out at the Tourist Trap for the rest of the day just shooting the sh!t with the locals and figuring out world peace one Drink Right, Keep Left at a time.
On the way back to the villa, I stopped by Jolly Dog to pick up some more Zulugrass bracelets. These are great because I can wear them in the water and pretty much year round. They are fun to mix and match and I just love them. For more on these, visit:
http://www.leakeylife.com/index.phpp=ca ... ent=3&pg=1
Later that evening we got dressed and headed to Asolare. I'll be honest and say that I was kind of grumpy. I really didn't want to get all dressed up for dinner. Normally I love that kind of stuff but I really wasn't in the mood.
MIL strolled out in this admittedly gorgeous tropical maxi-dress. Really was cute. But I was already a bit miffed having to sit around and wait for her to get dressed for what was supposed to be MY birthday dinner.
I was under no illusion that this night was not about me.
I decided to drive since in order to keep from getting really annoyed I needed something to do.
On island we listen to "the Mongoose" radio station in the Jeep and during the drive Elton John's "Tiny Dancer," came on the radio.
I started to sing softly and was really getting into the song, when the MIL starts to talk at the top of her lungs about something totally random.
I just sang louder, "HOLD ME CLOSER TINY DANCER.... Dum dum dum... COUNT THE HEADLIGHTS ON THE HIGHWAY....."
She continued on unabated... and so did I.
We arrived at Asolare for our reservations at 8:00 pm. The hostess informed us that our table wasn't ready yet. I surveyed the half empty restaurant...
"Fine. We'll go get a drink at the bar," I say.
The Hostess looks uncomfortable "Umm. Yeah. We don't have a bartender tonight."
"Pardon?" I ask.
"Yeah, Our Bartender had to go home," she explains.
"Oh, well that's OK," I say "I've been practicing all week. Got any jell-O? Oh never mind I think I can come up with something. Do I get to keep the tips?"
At this point the hostess starts to look uncomfortable and looks me in the eye clearly trying to size me up and to determine if I am:
1) high;
2) kidding; or
3) dead on balls serious.
Let me give you a tip: Pick 3 on this one.
Fear of recognition clouds her eyes and she says, "Please don't. I'll try to get a waiter to get over there as quickly as possible."
Uh. Huh. Better get him over here fast cause in about 5 minutes I'm going to be playing Tom Cruise in Cocktail and I don't care what I break.
About 3 minutes later someone came over to hook us up.
Asolare really is a lovely establishment. It's what I imagine every bar in a Hemingway novel set in the Keys to look like. Everything has the yellowish- brown glow and you can look out over Cruz bay and the water to see St. Thomas twinkling lights in the distance.
The in-laws marveled at the beauty of the bar and were clearly impressed. MIL looked fabulous in her tropical maxi-dress and seemed pleased with her choice for restaurants... and it all went downhill from there.
Ordering seemed simple enough. Asolare serves Asian fusion cuisine and typically their service and food are done reasonably well.
I ordered three courses. Everyone else at the table ordered two. Appetizers were fine but I should have know that something was up when the server came to collect my fish fork (my second course was supposed to be calamari, followed by a third course of duck breast) and placed down a meat knife.
I noted to the server that I still hadn't gotten my second course yet and I asked for a refill of iced tea for the 4th time.
He said he would check on it. He hadn't been gone for two seconds when they brought out the main courses for all four of us.
The server came back out and said that they were working on the second course. I told him to just not worry about it and to take it off the bill.
MIL tries to cut into her fish with a fork and it's like rubber. She reaches for her knife to try and cut into the fish and is literally sawing at it. Clearly it's overdone.
At this point someone else came over and asked, "How is everything?"
"Not good," I reply.
I start to politely list off the things that are "not right" about the meal and our experience this evening. She looks at the fish, my empty glass and realizes that I am not being picky but have an actual grievance.
She apologizes and takes the fish away. Two seconds later a profusely sweating chef delivers the calamari and apologizes.
I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted that we should take it and that it was on the house. Seeing that the MIL had nothing to eat I figured she could munch on this until her fish came back out.
The duck was decent and the rest of the meal was generally uneventful.
At this point I was just ready to go. But the IL's were enjoying the view and I decided that I was in need of some Flip Flop therapy. So excused myself to the restroom and dialed my BFF looking for a lifeline. DENIED! BFF is out at a party. UGH!!
So I quickly dial my Mom. Thanks Mom for talking me off the ledge!
Happy birthday to me.
As I hang up, the chef steps out of the kitchen to smoke a cigarette. He sees me and apologizes for the fish.
"Hey, no worries I say. It's just fish. We've eaten here several times before and this was probably the worst ever."
He took it on the chin and said, "You're right. We totally screwed up. Really sorry."
"It happens, nothing personal" I say.
"None taken," he replies as he draws in his smoke.
Knowing that I couldn't just hang out by the trash can talking to the chef the rest of the night, I squared my shoulders and headed back inside.
Everyone asked if I wanted dessert. Nope. Not interested.
Alrightythen.
Here's my thing about Asolare having eaten there many times over the years. They've got a nice place but the food and the service are often lacking especially when you're paying those prices.
We piled into the Jeep and headed for the Villa.
I decided to get started packing that night knowing that there would be plenty to do to clean up the Villa before departure the next day.
Tomorrow: Travel Day home; Walk of Woe; Candy for the kids; Nasty Dads; and lessons learned.
*Another fine scatterbrained production
Sorry to hear about your Asolare birthday flop.
If it's any kind of condolence, when we were down in October, all week I reminded everyone in our party of 4 that I REALLY wanted to watch the Phillies final 3 inning game of the World Series at Skinny's. All week long they agreed, until gameday came.
All of the sudden everyone wanted to just 'stay home', and play scrabble on the patio. On any other night that would have been perfect, but instead, I watched Brad Lidge throw strike 3 to win the World Series for the first time in over 2 decades on the couch alone.
Everyone else was too busy trying to figure out the triple word score for papaya.
Anticlimactic and disappointing, to say the least.
All that said, I think I know how you felt.
Smiles-
MJ
If it's any kind of condolence, when we were down in October, all week I reminded everyone in our party of 4 that I REALLY wanted to watch the Phillies final 3 inning game of the World Series at Skinny's. All week long they agreed, until gameday came.
All of the sudden everyone wanted to just 'stay home', and play scrabble on the patio. On any other night that would have been perfect, but instead, I watched Brad Lidge throw strike 3 to win the World Series for the first time in over 2 decades on the couch alone.
Everyone else was too busy trying to figure out the triple word score for papaya.
Anticlimactic and disappointing, to say the least.
All that said, I think I know how you felt.
Smiles-
MJ
Oh Gromit - you need Birthday part 2. I'm sorry your trip is coming to a close without a spectacular ending.... OK just remember your trip on the Cat, and the day on Jost and say... "it was only 1 birthday, only 1 birthday..... I never in my life have to invite her again...."
That's my St John dilemma. I want to share it with people I love (and some people that I like). But when I think about the possibility that they won't get it, or that I'll have to be flexible and maybe not get to the beach every day when I want for as long as I want, I chicken out and just go without them!
We've invited my BIL to join us in March. This was only after spending a week with him (and 6 other in laws )in Maine last August. He's easy going, loves the beach, snorkeling and scuba diving.
He's also a great cook and funny as hell. I think there's a chance it might work.
I'm sorry to see your report coming to an end...
That's my St John dilemma. I want to share it with people I love (and some people that I like). But when I think about the possibility that they won't get it, or that I'll have to be flexible and maybe not get to the beach every day when I want for as long as I want, I chicken out and just go without them!
We've invited my BIL to join us in March. This was only after spending a week with him (and 6 other in laws )in Maine last August. He's easy going, loves the beach, snorkeling and scuba diving.
He's also a great cook and funny as hell. I think there's a chance it might work.
I'm sorry to see your report coming to an end...
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Bob & Anita
- Posts: 611
- Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:20 pm
- Location: Charlotte, NC
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California Girl
Gromit, for what it's worth, my in-laws are very similar. I can bearly stand to spend time with them when I have to, much less invite them to St. John! St. John is MY place, and knowing they would never "get it" I won't be asking them to join me!
Great report though! I think I need to try the Tourist Trap next time. It seems to be getting great reviews on the board!
Great report though! I think I need to try the Tourist Trap next time. It seems to be getting great reviews on the board!
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ClevelandDave
- Posts: 291
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2008 3:51 pm
- Location: Cleveland
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Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
- Posts: 1576
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 9:40 pm
- Location: Madison Area, Wisconsin
Sounds like a bit of a birthday downer. I love birthdays, they are important to me. Not just my birthday but the birthdays of everyone I love. It's kind of a thing for me...it's THEIR day, CELEBRATE! I'm sorry your birthday wasn't a happy one. 
I can't wait to try the tourist trap. Sounds like our kind of place.
BTW, we are not big fans of Asolare either. You cannot beat the location but the food was not stellar (for the prices) and the service was similar to what you experienced this time around.
Thank you for these trip reports. Very nicely written!
I can't wait to try the tourist trap. Sounds like our kind of place.
BTW, we are not big fans of Asolare either. You cannot beat the location but the food was not stellar (for the prices) and the service was similar to what you experienced this time around.
Thank you for these trip reports. Very nicely written!
Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
Missing St. John. As always.
Missing St. John. As always.
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designbyroe
- Posts: 1348
- Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:27 pm
- Location: Chilaxin on White Bay at least in my mind
That would be one cool trip to be on with Gromit and Vicki.........VickiH wrote:
Say....June?
I think if your birthday gets messed up, you do deserve another in fact.......you should have ONE whole week to be your birthday and the same age too.
There's no $ sign on a peace of mind, this I've come to know
Roe-- Actually it would be a triple threat to the islands' sanity since Flip Flop and I are headed down with our respective families in June.
Lord help the island if all three of us are on it at the same time!!!
Our presence might open some sort of worm hole to a parallel universe or something...
Just sayin'
Lord help the island if all three of us are on it at the same time!!!
Our presence might open some sort of worm hole to a parallel universe or something...
Just sayin'
*Another fine scatterbrained production
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designbyroe
- Posts: 1348
- Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:27 pm
- Location: Chilaxin on White Bay at least in my mind
Oh girl I am there for that party!!!Gromit wrote:Roe-- Actually it would be a triple threat to the islands' sanity since Flip Flop and I are headed down with our respective families in June.
Lord help the island if all three of us are on it at the same time!!!
Our presence might open some sort of worm hole to a parallel universe or something...
Just sayin'
Too bad it is not end of June when carnival is beginning that is my ETA.........
There's no $ sign on a peace of mind, this I've come to know