The etiquette or ethics of PMs

Xislandgirl · Post by **Xislandgirl** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 12:20 pm

I have received PM's that were downright mean and nasty. Questioning my morality and insulting my intelligence.

I have also sent some that people may not like so much, but I don't think that I have ever used the PM system to attack anyone.( I apologize if anyone thinks that) If I have a strong opinion on something that someone posted, I will send them a PM and keep my comments off the main discussion in many cases.

It is a private message and should be kept that way. There is really nothing that says that has to happen and I am sure that people could take my private comment and post it for everyone to see. That is the risk that you take when you put something out on the internet.

liamsaunt · Post by **liamsaunt** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 2:03 pm

Anthony brings up an interesting point. Many of the PMs I receive are from people asking the kinds of questions that can easily be answered on the travel forum. I always answer their questions and usually ask them to post on the forum too. Sometimes I see their name again on the board, and sometimes not. I often wonder why people would rather communicate via pm rather than on the open forum if it's a non-personal travel-related question. Maybe they are just dedicated lurkers.

I don't remember ever getting a nasty pm here. I think most posters are pretty mellow (election time excepted of course!).

Post by **Anthony** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:09 pm

liamsaunt excellent points. I know there are many people that just don't feel comfortable "jumping" into a forum or blog that has a lot of regular posters. I read a ton of forums and blogs, but hardly comment in any - then find myself emailing the owner/editor etc. instead. Just weird -

Pickle · Post by **Pickle** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:12 pm

Anthony, regarding PM...
I always get disappointed when someone seeks opinions/experiences about something island related on the forum, and forum folks respond by saying "PM me if you have questions" or "I PMed you regarding such and such..." Why not just post it (since that's where the question/thread started) so others can read and gain knowledge too. I thought that's what this forum was about – sharing your experiences, opinions and love (and it's a big LOVE) for VI with all the folks here.

liamsaunt,
I rarely use PM, but I PMed you once, regarding one of the villas you've stayed. Since I was asking you specifically about certain things, I thought it was better to PM you. Sorry if I should

liamsaunt · Post by **liamsaunt** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:57 pm

Hi Pickle, it was not questions like yours that I was thinking of when I wrote my reply. More the queries that go like this: "This is my first trip to St. John. Can you recommend your three favorite beaches, and the best place for lunch?" Those are the kinds of queries that definitely benefit from being out on the main forum--the more opinions on questions like this, the better--at least I think so!

But of course I answer them all anyway.

Pickle · Post by **Pickle** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 5:37 pm

I see. Thanks for clearing that up, liamsaunt.
You know, I've never gotten such PMs. The questions I get are more about specific villas and cameras and stuff. You have to be highly regarded and be respected to get questions like those you get. So, in a way, they are compliments to you

.
But I agree - questions like those will benefit from being out on the main forum.

pipanale · Post by **pipanale** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 6:32 pm

I like it when I get PM's from people who have mistaken me for someone else. Those are interesting.

Or from people who think I've read a certain thread and are seeking my opinion on such matters

I'm often confused at such moments

sherban · Post by **sherban** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 11:14 pm

My 2 cents- If you type something and email or PM iot to someone...it has become "near-public" domain and is fair game for public review/scrutiny. There is no guarantee of privacy, just a code of conduct (sometimes...hopefully).

I don't think I've ever got a nasty PM, some people have been downright nice actually and I have tried to return the courtesy...attitudes are contagious, they say...

I work for a big company...every now and then laywers from corporate come around to remind us that emails quickly become public records (PM is very similar really).

I've had only one or two turds gets nasty with me and I usually ignore them or tattle to the moderator because I don't like slinging sh*t...got better things to do.
Cheers-

sherban · Post by **sherban** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 11:28 pm

Oh yeah, and a quick, funny story...this dude sends me a PM from TA (maybe the Aruba forum, not sure) and is like "hey dude we're going to be in Aruba in December, were does a fun couple go to "party""....so I'm wondering...what does this guy want...sex or drugs...not that I would know anything...

And so I start checking his profile on TA, and sure enough I see similar messages to people years ago about a trip to Jamaica...but they're saying things like we are a "fit couple who like to party"...yeah got 'em nailed now they are swingers looking for new meat...ah well...it takes all kinds. I told him there were prostitues in Aruba...I think he got the message.

Just thought it was a kinda funny story...

Post by **Anthony** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 8:51 am

Sherban LOL - there have been some swinger type posts here in the past - maybe on the old system before you were around. I would delete them and let the poster know that there are all kinds of sites for that but that this really is a "travel" forum and not a swingers club!

Bug · Post by **Bug** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:54 am

Once you write it, there is no deny-ability. It's there for everyone to see. If you don't want the subject matter getting out, don't write it.

If someone sends you a PM (nasty or not), it's your PM. Post it if you want. The writer obviously have strong feelings about the subject or they wouldn't have sent you the PM in the first place. Thus, they shouldn't care who see's it.

It's funny this subject came up because whenever I'm on STJ and go to a forum gathering, I will hear people say "Oh, she/he sent me a PM". I always wonder if no likes me because I hardly ever get PM's

XOXO
Bug

Xislandgirl · Post by **Xislandgirl** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 10:19 am

Anthony wrote:Sherban LOL - there have been some swinger type posts here in the past - maybe on the old system before you were around. I would delete them and let the poster know that there are all kinds of sites for that but that this really is a "travel" forum and not a swingers club!

Maybe the X in my screen name is code for "please send me your odd swinger PM's." I get them all the time. Not just on this board either

linne · Post by **linne** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 11:34 am

I have had some PM’s. All of them were nice. They were sent because the sender want to explain me something special about too example history, the American society, politic etc.. I have to say that I appreciate that people take the time to write to me, and I understand, why they do it in a PM knowing that it perhaps not will be interesting for others. If I received an unpleasant PM, I like Lex would be in doubt, if I should tell about it or not. Especially if the sender was one, people know from the forum.

Linne

Post by **Anthony** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 11:48 am

Xislandgirl wrote:Maybe the X in my screen name is code for "please send me your odd swinger PM's." I get them all the time. Not just on this board either

I have to honestly wonder if in your case and Sherban's the fact that your avatars are pictures of "couples" entices more of these inquiries? Do you use the same image in other places?

pipanale · Post by **pipanale** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 12:53 pm

Anthony wrote:that this really is a "travel" forum and not a swingers club!

What?!

Crap!

Damned Interwebs!

(Puts pants on. Shows self door)

usvi-on-line

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The etiquette or ethics of PMs