usvi-on-line
How does this happen?
How does this happen?
I mean...how does one get to the point where one just stops paying one's mortgage?
If you're unfortunate enough to read my "other" ramblings, you are now braced against your chair in a mixture of horror and delight. You want to know if I can do this without cursing, don't you?
Last Wednesday, 2 people, 2 beagles and one fish moved into our home. They're "friends" of ours. Why ""? This is my brother's childhood best friend and his wife. they happen to have moved to NC a year ago.
Now, they're homeless. Why? BECAUSE THEY STOPPED PAYING THEIR MORTGAGE! No ARMs here...they simply stopped paying because they had no money. Why would you buy a house when you know you have no money? Why would you not rent an apartment for 2/3 the cost?
Yea...I'm pissed off. As I told the Mrs the other night:
I started working full time 5 days after I graduated form college. I've had crappy jobs. I've had truly crappy jobs. I've driven bad cars. I've worked my tail off because that's what you do when you're an adult. We scraped and saved to get a house. We fixed it up. We hit rock bottom a few times along the way. I'll admit that my parents have helped bail us out on 2 occasions. Bad decisions put us in big time $$ holes. But, we've either paid them back or are paying them back. I spend half my life in a hotel away from my family because it's what you have to do sometimes.
And, I have these 2 clowns living here now. They're eating us out of house and home and drinking my booze. Want to know pain? Pain is watching a 28 year old pour huge rum drinks. Oh no...he's not using the cheap rum you save for mixed drinks. He's using your Arundel. The Arundel you bought in CGB when you turned 30. The birthday present you bought yourself that year because...what the hell? How often do you spend any money on yourself (even if it was $12).
I know I'm not making a point and am ranting, but I am really tired. I want my house back.
Ask them to leave? Where the hell are they going to go? Their house was already auctioned off. It's not theirs. They think a lawyer can fix that for them. In 4 days, the house's contents are to be liquidated. Then what? You can't just throw people on the street. I'm a bastard, but not that much of one. Charge them rent? They have no $$.
In 5 days, I have to board a plane for a week in PA. Can I put my wife and daughter through this on their own?
Right now, all I want is a glass of wine (haven't had a drink since Sunday because I can't bring anything into the house, lest it get guzzled and I can't afford $25 of wine to get consumed each night), a quiet dinner, some time with my wife and daughter and to make those reservations for the long weekend on the NC coast we've put on hold.
Don't tell me I'm doing a good thing. That stopped a few days ago.
Right now, I'm just pissed off at the world and at the irresponsibility of people.
My advice to you all:
Pay your bills.
If you're unfortunate enough to read my "other" ramblings, you are now braced against your chair in a mixture of horror and delight. You want to know if I can do this without cursing, don't you?
Last Wednesday, 2 people, 2 beagles and one fish moved into our home. They're "friends" of ours. Why ""? This is my brother's childhood best friend and his wife. they happen to have moved to NC a year ago.
Now, they're homeless. Why? BECAUSE THEY STOPPED PAYING THEIR MORTGAGE! No ARMs here...they simply stopped paying because they had no money. Why would you buy a house when you know you have no money? Why would you not rent an apartment for 2/3 the cost?
Yea...I'm pissed off. As I told the Mrs the other night:
I started working full time 5 days after I graduated form college. I've had crappy jobs. I've had truly crappy jobs. I've driven bad cars. I've worked my tail off because that's what you do when you're an adult. We scraped and saved to get a house. We fixed it up. We hit rock bottom a few times along the way. I'll admit that my parents have helped bail us out on 2 occasions. Bad decisions put us in big time $$ holes. But, we've either paid them back or are paying them back. I spend half my life in a hotel away from my family because it's what you have to do sometimes.
And, I have these 2 clowns living here now. They're eating us out of house and home and drinking my booze. Want to know pain? Pain is watching a 28 year old pour huge rum drinks. Oh no...he's not using the cheap rum you save for mixed drinks. He's using your Arundel. The Arundel you bought in CGB when you turned 30. The birthday present you bought yourself that year because...what the hell? How often do you spend any money on yourself (even if it was $12).
I know I'm not making a point and am ranting, but I am really tired. I want my house back.
Ask them to leave? Where the hell are they going to go? Their house was already auctioned off. It's not theirs. They think a lawyer can fix that for them. In 4 days, the house's contents are to be liquidated. Then what? You can't just throw people on the street. I'm a bastard, but not that much of one. Charge them rent? They have no $$.
In 5 days, I have to board a plane for a week in PA. Can I put my wife and daughter through this on their own?
Right now, all I want is a glass of wine (haven't had a drink since Sunday because I can't bring anything into the house, lest it get guzzled and I can't afford $25 of wine to get consumed each night), a quiet dinner, some time with my wife and daughter and to make those reservations for the long weekend on the NC coast we've put on hold.
Don't tell me I'm doing a good thing. That stopped a few days ago.
Right now, I'm just pissed off at the world and at the irresponsibility of people.
My advice to you all:
Pay your bills.
You have every right to be pissed. Don't they have family that they can stay with? Do they have jobs if so I'd be expecting money every pay day if not they would be out. My son moved back in after college and he pays rent and our phone cell phone bill. Some people need a slap up side the head to wake them up. Make it hard on them or they won't leave.
Tom
Tom
I was waiting for this! I am a faithful reader of your blog so I knew this was coming. The only thing I can tell you is that know matter how good you are to them, they will end up hating you anyway. Send them home to their parents, Aunt, Uncle, anyone for God's sake. Just get them out before you end up in jail 
XOXO
Bug
PS I would love an update on Shmuppie....I too have a Kindergartener that was up to the exact same stuff as Shmuppie (tooth fairy). My PIA is doing better now (after I almost killed her). How's yours?
XOXO
Bug
PS I would love an update on Shmuppie....I too have a Kindergartener that was up to the exact same stuff as Shmuppie (tooth fairy). My PIA is doing better now (after I almost killed her). How's yours?
Family:
His parents will take him back if he leaves the Protestant whore he married (their words), repents, and annuls the whole thing.
She refused to tell her mother about this. Then, my mother called her mother. Now, it's out there.
She just started a new job. He's due in court tomorrow.
It's hard. We evicted the dogs yesterday because I could not handle it. I work at home and can't be listening to barking dogs all day (not to mention cleaning up their pee off my carpet (ask them to do it? They think it's funny)).
How do you send 2 people out onto the street? I am probably the biggest bastard you all have never met. But, even the Grinch had a heart. I can not go force them to be homeless. Until this happens in your house, it's hard to say what you would and would not do.
Today, they allegedly find out from the lawyers what's happening. As I mentioned they think they can get the house back because Wake County or the bank screwed up the process (riiiight) and can sue to get their house. If that doesn't work, we have to move their crap to a storage shed. I don't have room here for anything else.
My hope is that by tonight, they know if they can get the house back. Then, we can set a move out date. Then, we can discuss payment to us for food. I'll put a roof over any of your heads if you come to my home. It's open to anyone. That attitude comes from knowing that we have and a lot of people don't. I won't say we're blessed or lucky. I work for what I have. But, I know that others don't. I've also been on the receiving end of kindness (Ruth buying me a birthday beer...for example) and know how great it feels. My island spirit has taken over and my home is open.
(See how I tied that back to the forum??? See??)
I just don't want to be taken advantage of.
Maybe I need to start yelling, but I am already under a crushing load of stress from work and don't need any more.
His parents will take him back if he leaves the Protestant whore he married (their words), repents, and annuls the whole thing.
She refused to tell her mother about this. Then, my mother called her mother. Now, it's out there.
She just started a new job. He's due in court tomorrow.
It's hard. We evicted the dogs yesterday because I could not handle it. I work at home and can't be listening to barking dogs all day (not to mention cleaning up their pee off my carpet (ask them to do it? They think it's funny)).
How do you send 2 people out onto the street? I am probably the biggest bastard you all have never met. But, even the Grinch had a heart. I can not go force them to be homeless. Until this happens in your house, it's hard to say what you would and would not do.
Today, they allegedly find out from the lawyers what's happening. As I mentioned they think they can get the house back because Wake County or the bank screwed up the process (riiiight) and can sue to get their house. If that doesn't work, we have to move their crap to a storage shed. I don't have room here for anything else.
My hope is that by tonight, they know if they can get the house back. Then, we can set a move out date. Then, we can discuss payment to us for food. I'll put a roof over any of your heads if you come to my home. It's open to anyone. That attitude comes from knowing that we have and a lot of people don't. I won't say we're blessed or lucky. I work for what I have. But, I know that others don't. I've also been on the receiving end of kindness (Ruth buying me a birthday beer...for example) and know how great it feels. My island spirit has taken over and my home is open.
(See how I tied that back to the forum??? See??)
I just don't want to be taken advantage of.
Maybe I need to start yelling, but I am already under a crushing load of stress from work and don't need any more.
I'd be wicked pissed.
This is why hubby and I have a house that only fits me and him and our pets and his business. We've seen the damage "taking someone in" can do whether it be family or friends. Many people take advantage! Folks- it isn't pretty and almost always ends up with someone hating someone else.
I have a few questions:
1. Why aren't either of them working?
2. Don't they have family that can take them in?
3. Why are they eating and drinking YOUR stuff? I mean, are they REALLY flat broke enough not to be able to buy groceries?
4. Why don't they have jobs?
AND... drumroll please....
5. Are they waiting for Obama's "tax cut" i.e. "handout" for the 40% (out of that magic 95%) who don't pay income taxes?
GOOD god I couldn't help it!!!!
This is why hubby and I have a house that only fits me and him and our pets and his business. We've seen the damage "taking someone in" can do whether it be family or friends. Many people take advantage! Folks- it isn't pretty and almost always ends up with someone hating someone else.
I have a few questions:
1. Why aren't either of them working?
2. Don't they have family that can take them in?
3. Why are they eating and drinking YOUR stuff? I mean, are they REALLY flat broke enough not to be able to buy groceries?
4. Why don't they have jobs?
AND... drumroll please....
5. Are they waiting for Obama's "tax cut" i.e. "handout" for the 40% (out of that magic 95%) who don't pay income taxes?
GOOD god I couldn't help it!!!!
hate to say it, you opened the door--obviously you have a large heart (despite your insistence otherwise)--not everyone would do that.
now you have to shut the door--for your sanity.--these people are taking advantage of you--unless they contributer tot housel=hold expenses and chores then OUT--(out anyway, but really--if they are doing nothing that is where i really draw the line)
give them the number to the local homeless services folks and let them fend for themselves--I am normally really not a hardass, but it sounds as though these guys act like they are entitled to your hospitality --they need to grow up.
now you have to shut the door--for your sanity.--these people are taking advantage of you--unless they contributer tot housel=hold expenses and chores then OUT--(out anyway, but really--if they are doing nothing that is where i really draw the line)
give them the number to the local homeless services folks and let them fend for themselves--I am normally really not a hardass, but it sounds as though these guys act like they are entitled to your hospitality --they need to grow up.
< leaving on the 22nd of march...but too lame to figure out the ticker thing again!>
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NoTanLines
- Posts: 112
- Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:41 pm
- Location: McLean, VA
Wow, Pipanale, I don’t even know where to start. I feel your pain. First, hide the bottle of Arundel under the kitchen or bathroom sink cabinet. Since they can’t clean their dog’s pee off the floor, they won’t look there for the cleaning supplies.
28 years old you say? It still boggles my mind the sense of entitlement some folks have. I work in Human Resources and I see it everyday. I’ve worked since I was in High School. I paid my way through college by working 2 jobs. It took me 5 ½ years to do it, but I graduated. I’ve had a full-time job since then. I’ve never missed a payment on my car, mortgage or credit cards. My parents taught me responsibility and to take pride in myself. If by some twist of fate, I ever found myself in their situation, I would sit down with my gracious hosts and find out what the “house rules” were and what was expected of me before I moved in.
For the sake of your sanity and well-being, kick them out. Maybe this will be the kick in the head that they need to grow up and get themselves a life.
28 years old you say? It still boggles my mind the sense of entitlement some folks have. I work in Human Resources and I see it everyday. I’ve worked since I was in High School. I paid my way through college by working 2 jobs. It took me 5 ½ years to do it, but I graduated. I’ve had a full-time job since then. I’ve never missed a payment on my car, mortgage or credit cards. My parents taught me responsibility and to take pride in myself. If by some twist of fate, I ever found myself in their situation, I would sit down with my gracious hosts and find out what the “house rules” were and what was expected of me before I moved in.
For the sake of your sanity and well-being, kick them out. Maybe this will be the kick in the head that they need to grow up and get themselves a life.
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Quite the saga you've got brewing there in NC (my home state BTW). Alright, let's look at this from my non-involved, non-emotional viewpoint:
1. They lost their house. You did the humane (right) thing by offering them shelter.
2. They will not get their house back. As a real estate lawyer, I can almost 100% promise you that. Of course, "miracles" happen, but not in this economy. They need to get their stuff out, b/c it will get tossed or sold. They aren't playing in the minors anymore. The big boys are involved and they don't play nice.
3. Once you did the right thing, your guests did all the wrong things by failing to respect you, your family, your home and your rules.
4. I understand that this guy is your friend and you want to do what's right. But neither of your friends has even tried to do what's "right" by you and your family in this situation. Don't lose sight of the fact that this is not your mess - you didn't create it, and your family shouldn't suffer because of the stress of it.
5. If I were you, I'd sit them down tonight to discuss "Plan B." Someone needs a job, and someone needs to take on some house responsibilities. If they aren't going to work for money, by god, they need to work for room and board. Asking them to help around the house is not rude - you shouldn't have even had to ask!
6. I'd ask them to be out within 7-14 days.
Then again, I am a lawyer (and we're known for our inhumanity to man), so maybe you shouldn't take my advice. I just think these guys sound like a bunch of moochers who will bring you and yours nothing but heartache.
Dude, good luck. You need it.
1. They lost their house. You did the humane (right) thing by offering them shelter.
2. They will not get their house back. As a real estate lawyer, I can almost 100% promise you that. Of course, "miracles" happen, but not in this economy. They need to get their stuff out, b/c it will get tossed or sold. They aren't playing in the minors anymore. The big boys are involved and they don't play nice.
3. Once you did the right thing, your guests did all the wrong things by failing to respect you, your family, your home and your rules.
4. I understand that this guy is your friend and you want to do what's right. But neither of your friends has even tried to do what's "right" by you and your family in this situation. Don't lose sight of the fact that this is not your mess - you didn't create it, and your family shouldn't suffer because of the stress of it.
5. If I were you, I'd sit them down tonight to discuss "Plan B." Someone needs a job, and someone needs to take on some house responsibilities. If they aren't going to work for money, by god, they need to work for room and board. Asking them to help around the house is not rude - you shouldn't have even had to ask!
6. I'd ask them to be out within 7-14 days.
Then again, I am a lawyer (and we're known for our inhumanity to man), so maybe you shouldn't take my advice. I just think these guys sound like a bunch of moochers who will bring you and yours nothing but heartache.
Dude, good luck. You need it.
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chicagoans
- Posts: 1586
- Joined: Thu Jan 18, 2007 2:51 pm
- Location: IL
Pipinale --
It would be incredibly hard to boot them out. But I believe you HAVE to set up some boundaries to keep your sanity. If they want to live there then they must agree in writing to...
- Certain chores done at certain times
- Boundaries e.g., don't help yourself to the booze (why is he drinking when he should be looking for a job?!); quiet times or times when you want privacy
- Pitching in for certain items, like food
- Most important: a move out date
They have to sign this and live by it. I can't imagine living with someone else and not helping! They absolutely must understand a move out date or they might be there indefinitely. And a looming deadline might help give them a bit of incentive to get their acts together.
Bless you for doing this, and please be kind to yourself too!
It would be incredibly hard to boot them out. But I believe you HAVE to set up some boundaries to keep your sanity. If they want to live there then they must agree in writing to...
- Certain chores done at certain times
- Boundaries e.g., don't help yourself to the booze (why is he drinking when he should be looking for a job?!); quiet times or times when you want privacy
- Pitching in for certain items, like food
- Most important: a move out date
They have to sign this and live by it. I can't imagine living with someone else and not helping! They absolutely must understand a move out date or they might be there indefinitely. And a looming deadline might help give them a bit of incentive to get their acts together.
Bless you for doing this, and please be kind to yourself too!
Keep us posted. It will be very telling how they react once they realize that they're not getting their house back.
I agree with the others' suggestions - particularly the ones about demanding some help around the house.
I'd suggest you make up some reason that you and your brother's friend need to run an errand together, and have a real one on one heart to heart talk with him.
Tell him how much empathy you have for his situation (even though like you, I can't see myself ever stooping to that) but tell him for the sake of your continued sanity and in the name of domestic tranquility, there needs to be some laws laid down, and a concrete escape plan developed.
I agree with the others' suggestions - particularly the ones about demanding some help around the house.
I'd suggest you make up some reason that you and your brother's friend need to run an errand together, and have a real one on one heart to heart talk with him.
Tell him how much empathy you have for his situation (even though like you, I can't see myself ever stooping to that) but tell him for the sake of your continued sanity and in the name of domestic tranquility, there needs to be some laws laid down, and a concrete escape plan developed.
Come see us!
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California Girl
Ok, so they can't go to his parents house because of the "Protestant whore" thing. But apparently HER parents know, so why can't they go there?pipanale wrote:Family:
His parents will take him back if he leaves the Protestant whore he married (their words), repents, and annuls the whole thing.
She refused to tell her mother about this. Then, my mother called her mother. Now, it's out there.
She just started a new job. He's due in court tomorrow.
Where did you send the dogs? Can you send them to the same place?
Who watches their kids while they're "at work"? Are you also babysitters?
AAAACCKKK!! What an awful situation! Here's hoping they get their house back today!!
P.S. How come they moved in with you, instead of your brother, since this guy's your brothers best friend?
In theory this is great but...they signed a morgage agreement that obviously meant nothing. I don't think any other piece of paper will mean much either. There are truely some people out there that shouldn't be helped. They need to live and learn.chicagoans wrote:They have to sign this and live by it.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for helping people who need it but the key is "that need it". These people don't need help, they need jobs and a sense of responsibility.
XOXO
Bug