usvi-on-line
Funny Stuff
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nothintolose
- Posts: 1960
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 10:36 pm
- Location: New Orleans, LA
This is my ALL time favorite SNL sketch (warning it is not "G" rated)
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"Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die" - Dave Matthews Band
This one was sent to me by ScubaGirl a few weeks ago. Enjoy!
Cursing
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You B*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks'.
The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't Use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to Use nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed Playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, 'All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'
She hears the little boy continue,
'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us Today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added..........
'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen.'
Cursing
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You B*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks'.
The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't Use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to Use nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed Playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, 'All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'
She hears the little boy continue,
'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us Today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added..........
'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen.'
*Another fine scatterbrained production
Guys, the jokes and videos are all funny and made me laugh. 
Connie, I had tears in my eyes when I watched yours last night. To make sure it wasn't the glass or two or wine I had with dinner, I watched it again just now. It wasn't the wine.
NTL, that is FUNNY as heck. We have a candy store here whose specialty is bourbon balls, and they are delicious. Everytime I go in to buy a box, I think of Shweaty Balls.
I think I posted this on another thread once. Here's "Spiders on Drugs".
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sHzdsFiBbFc&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sHzdsFiBbFc&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Connie, I had tears in my eyes when I watched yours last night. To make sure it wasn't the glass or two or wine I had with dinner, I watched it again just now. It wasn't the wine.
NTL, that is FUNNY as heck. We have a candy store here whose specialty is bourbon balls, and they are delicious. Everytime I go in to buy a box, I think of Shweaty Balls.
I think I posted this on another thread once. Here's "Spiders on Drugs".
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sHzdsFiBbFc&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sHzdsFiBbFc&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else. – Mark Twain
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California Girl
The Bongo boys listed a site called FAIL on another website and from there I wandered over to the other LOL sites.
Check' em out here:
FAIL
http://failblog.org/
LOL Cats
http://icanhascheezburger.com/
LOL Dogs
http://ihasahotdog.com/
Fun with Charts
http://graphjam.com/
Engrish Funny
http://engrishfunny.com/
Anthony- I don't think these are in competition with you but if they are, please take them down and I will hang my head for being a bad lady.
Check' em out here:
FAIL
http://failblog.org/
LOL Cats
http://icanhascheezburger.com/
LOL Dogs
http://ihasahotdog.com/
Fun with Charts
http://graphjam.com/
Engrish Funny
http://engrishfunny.com/
Anthony- I don't think these are in competition with you but if they are, please take them down and I will hang my head for being a bad lady.
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nothintolose
- Posts: 1960
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 10:36 pm
- Location: New Orleans, LA
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California Girl
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
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sailorgirl
- Posts: 1644
- Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2006 3:03 pm
Here's another Trigon commercial. Different kids, but so cute.
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<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/a189xAYBRv8&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/a189xAYBRv8&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
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sailorgirl
- Posts: 1644
- Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2006 3:03 pm