usvi-on-line
The College Thing
The College Thing
Have a high achieving HS senior who puts a lot of pressure on herself. Been through the selection/visiting/app process. That had its own sets of ups and downs.
Now in the last few weeks of the waiting to be accepted or rejected phase to be followed immediately by the final selection process, then the “last summer”, and then letting go, and then the empty nest.
The stress sometimes rears its ugly head and manifests itself in some unpleasant ways. How do you survive it all intact? We have a few helpful books and also pick the brains of others that are in it now or been there, done that.
So, any tips or war stories to share that might be helpful?
Thanks.
Now in the last few weeks of the waiting to be accepted or rejected phase to be followed immediately by the final selection process, then the “last summer”, and then letting go, and then the empty nest.
The stress sometimes rears its ugly head and manifests itself in some unpleasant ways. How do you survive it all intact? We have a few helpful books and also pick the brains of others that are in it now or been there, done that.
So, any tips or war stories to share that might be helpful?
Thanks.
When we come to place where the sea and the sky collide
Throw me over the edge and let my spirit glide
Throw me over the edge and let my spirit glide
My only tip is to try not to bring it up too much. I am assuming you are doing the whole thing of "it won't be the end of the world if you don't make it into such and such school."
So if that is true, don't bring it up too much.
(I only know this because I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut asking my daughter questions. And my mom was the same. High expectations tend to run in families
)
So if that is true, don't bring it up too much.
(I only know this because I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut asking my daughter questions. And my mom was the same. High expectations tend to run in families
)"Sponges grow in the ocean...I wonder how much deeper it would be if that didn't happen."
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Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
- Posts: 1576
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 9:40 pm
- Location: Madison Area, Wisconsin
As you know, we are in the throes of this whole thing, too. Just sent the oldest daughter off to college last fall and two more go this fall.
Due to the schools all three applied to, a good portion responded well before April (early action-non-binding or rolling admissions). Only a couple remain to be heard from for our two seniors. So, the field gets narrowed along the way. This is a good thing. Our son Sam has it narrowed down to two and our daughter Kyla has it narrowed down to three ~ both are waiting on final decisions from one school each.
The difficult part is how dragged out this process is. We'd all like to just get the decision done and start looking forward to the transition to college. And, that transition is an interesting one...
Last year, once Amber committed to go to U-Michigan-Ann Arbor, there was a whole new set of emotions. It became very, very real for all of us. In particular, I'd say my relationship with her and hers with me.
As much as I wanted to spend the last few months with her home as extra sweet mommy-daughter time, she was pulling away. That was her way of testing how it would feel to be without me (us). I recognized this (thankfully, I have an older sister who has been through this process three times herself) and rolled with it as best as possible. She didn't do anything out of character, she just didn't make herself available much. In retrospect, I believe her way of handling it was healthiest. Don't make the fall departure more difficult by creating a bond so strong that it can't be loosened.
I'll warn you, too: The first week or so after she was at school, I was a wreck. I missed her so much. I could not go in her room. I could not look at the piles of stuff in the room where we packed her college things up, making those critical decisions about what goes and what stays. This caught me totally off guard. For some reason, I figured with three other children still at home, I'd be fine. Nope. My good friend, Michele (Bug on the forum) and I were going through the same thing, at the same time, and we talked on the phone frequently.
Most of the families where we live send their children to the UW. Granted, it's a fabulous University however, it's right in our backyard. To us, going to college is GOING AWAY to college. We see it as a right of passage. So, I wasn't getting much support from local friends about my sadness at Amber's leaving. "Why'd you send her so far? Don't you miss her? I could never do that with my baby." Blah, blah, blah.
Next year will be very interesting. Three out of the house and only one left at home. I'm sure it will be an even more difficult transition for me.
Due to the schools all three applied to, a good portion responded well before April (early action-non-binding or rolling admissions). Only a couple remain to be heard from for our two seniors. So, the field gets narrowed along the way. This is a good thing. Our son Sam has it narrowed down to two and our daughter Kyla has it narrowed down to three ~ both are waiting on final decisions from one school each.
The difficult part is how dragged out this process is. We'd all like to just get the decision done and start looking forward to the transition to college. And, that transition is an interesting one...
Last year, once Amber committed to go to U-Michigan-Ann Arbor, there was a whole new set of emotions. It became very, very real for all of us. In particular, I'd say my relationship with her and hers with me.
As much as I wanted to spend the last few months with her home as extra sweet mommy-daughter time, she was pulling away. That was her way of testing how it would feel to be without me (us). I recognized this (thankfully, I have an older sister who has been through this process three times herself) and rolled with it as best as possible. She didn't do anything out of character, she just didn't make herself available much. In retrospect, I believe her way of handling it was healthiest. Don't make the fall departure more difficult by creating a bond so strong that it can't be loosened.
I'll warn you, too: The first week or so after she was at school, I was a wreck. I missed her so much. I could not go in her room. I could not look at the piles of stuff in the room where we packed her college things up, making those critical decisions about what goes and what stays. This caught me totally off guard. For some reason, I figured with three other children still at home, I'd be fine. Nope. My good friend, Michele (Bug on the forum) and I were going through the same thing, at the same time, and we talked on the phone frequently.
Most of the families where we live send their children to the UW. Granted, it's a fabulous University however, it's right in our backyard. To us, going to college is GOING AWAY to college. We see it as a right of passage. So, I wasn't getting much support from local friends about my sadness at Amber's leaving. "Why'd you send her so far? Don't you miss her? I could never do that with my baby." Blah, blah, blah.
Next year will be very interesting. Three out of the house and only one left at home. I'm sure it will be an even more difficult transition for me.
Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
Missing St. John. As always.
Missing St. John. As always.
Yes – Ursinus and Haverford. She wants the smaller school experience and to run cross country and track. Already in at Ursinus with generous scholarship money. Likely in at Haverford - she got a call from admissions the other night telling her to expect good news in the mail soon (that was pretty exciting).PA Girl wrote:No advice but just curious, did she apply to any PA schools? Something like 70% of the three in my area come from NJ.
Haverford is a top liberal arts school, is probably her top choice, and would be a great fit. But, they don’t give a lot of merit money to middle class kids because they attract more than enough bright kids that can pay full freight and like a lot of upper tier schools, Haverford uses their grant money for less fortunate kids who really need a break and to diversify.
So, that’s a potential situation there – max out for a great fit A level school or go to a B+ level school with merit money in hand. We've already floated the concept that if you go to B, there would be money to help pay for grad school.
When we come to place where the sea and the sky collide
Throw me over the edge and let my spirit glide
Throw me over the edge and let my spirit glide
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Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
- Posts: 1576
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 9:40 pm
- Location: Madison Area, Wisconsin
Can she get into the honors program at Ursinis? This could level the field a bit, between them. Saving for grad school is a huge issue around here, too.jmq wrote:Yes – Ursinus and Haverford. She wants the smaller school experience and to run cross country and track. Already in at Ursinus with generous scholarship money. Likely in at Haverford - she got a call from admissions the other night telling her to expect good news in the mail soon (that was pretty exciting).PA Girl wrote:No advice but just curious, did she apply to any PA schools? Something like 70% of the three in my area come from NJ.
Haverford is a top liberal arts school, is probably her top choice, and would be a great fit. But, they don’t give a lot of merit money to middle class kids because they attract more than enough bright kids that can pay full freight and like a lot of upper tier schools, Haverford uses their grant money for less fortunate kids who really need a break and to diversify.
So, that’s a potential situation there – max out for a great fit A level school or go to a B+ level school with merit money in hand. We've already floated the concept that if you go to B, there would be money to help pay for grad school.
Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
Missing St. John. As always.
Missing St. John. As always.
I think she is. Good point that will be considered.Marcia (Mrs. Pete) wrote:Can she get into the honors program at Ursinis? This could level the field a bit, between them. Saving for grad school is a huge issue around here, too.
Marcia (Mrs. Pete) wrote:Due to the schools all three applied to, a good portion responded well before April (early action-non-binding or rolling admissions). Only a couple remain to be heard from for our two seniors. So, the field gets narrowed along the way. This is a good thing. Our son Sam has it narrowed down to two and our daughter Kyla has it narrowed down to three ~ both are waiting on final decisions from one school each.
Same here. Already have 5 in, knowing what the financial aid packages look like in four of them. The few remaining include the one furthest away (4 hrs) that she has a real shot at and a couple uber reach schools that we all know are a real crap shoot to get into.
Marcia (Mrs. Pete) wrote:The difficult part is how dragged out this process is. We'd all like to just get the decision done and start looking forward to the transition to college.
Agree. But to your other comments re the challenges of that process, I think my wife is going thru the separation anxiety/empty nest thing NOW and it aint pretty - I'll probably fall apart in Sept. At least we're not doing it at the same time!
I get that. She got into the honors programs at Rutgers and The College of New Jersey (an underrated state school that’s harder to get into than Villanova).Marcia (Mrs. Pete) wrote: Most of the families where we live send their children to the UW. Granted, it's a fabulous University however, it's right in our backyard. To us, going to college is GOING AWAY to college. We see it as a right of passage. So, I wasn't getting much support from local friends about my sadness at Amber's leaving. "Why'd you send her so far? Don't you miss her? I could never do that with my baby." Blah, blah, blah.
RU is probably too big and she wouldn’t be able to run at a Division 1 school. I am concerned that TCNJ might be “too Jersey” and a change up from that would be good. But, yes, it would be more US that would be upset about the distance if she went far out of state cuz she is an only and we would like to see her run at college.
When we come to place where the sea and the sky collide
Throw me over the edge and let my spirit glide
Throw me over the edge and let my spirit glide
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BirdsofParadise
- Posts: 30
- Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2009 8:12 am
- Location: Louisville, KY
Tropical School?
My kids went to college in the frozen north! What about the Virgin Island University-No distractions there!
I went from having 4 people in my house at the end of July to being alone by the end of Aug. with the oldest moving out my wife dieing and my youngest going off to college in Colorado. I had to find things to do threw my self into the coaching I was doing at the time. Bothered alot of friends LOL but they were great to put up with me. .
Tom
I went to RU and got into Trenton State (This is in 1992)jmq wrote:I get that. She got into the honors programs at Rutgers and The College of New Jersey (an underrated state school that’s harder to get into than Villanova).
RU is probably too big and she wouldn’t be able to run at a Division 1 school. I am concerned that TCNJ might be “too Jersey” and a change up from that would be good. But, yes, it would be more US that would be upset about the distance if she went far out of state cuz she is an only and we would like to see her run at college.
Rutgers will chew up a kid who's not prepared to go to a huge school. I saw it happen. My wife chose a small school in NY because RU freaked her the hell out.
In 1992...I did not like Trenton State. At the time, it was a huge commuter school. I was not going to live at home, and the campus life (keep in mind...1991) was horrible.
Personally...I would not recommend Rutgers. I hated the place. It was awful. Some people love it, but you're going to a huge school with all of the RU wackiness (buses, campuses, etc)
Just my $.02