Need a laugh?

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu May 12, 2011 8:41 pm

trying screencast

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<a href="http://content.screencast.com/users/sho ... .png"><img class="embeddedObject" src="http://content.screencast.com/users/sho ... .40.48.png" width="613" height="820" border="0"></a>

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu May 12, 2011 8:44 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu May 12, 2011 8:46 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu May 12, 2011 8:55 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu May 12, 2011 8:57 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Wed May 18, 2011 9:29 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Wed May 18, 2011 9:34 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu May 19, 2011 9:58 pm

HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched
throat. He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he
stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a
young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a
bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying,
"Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never
did dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well,
you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old
man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off--
started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was
laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still
laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the
saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a
double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The
crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around
very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer
and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands,
as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've
always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:

Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu May 19, 2011 10:01 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu May 19, 2011 10:12 pm

more photos all of utah

Click on the panorama (picture) and move the mouse, cool.
http://www.utah3d.net/panoramas/SulpherCreek_swf.html

http://www.utah3d.net/panoramas/DoubleArch1_swf.html

http://www.utah3d.net/panoramas/PaysonC_swf.html

http://www.utah3d.net/panoramas_2/AztecButte_swf.html

http://www.utah3d.net/panoramas_3/GrandView.html

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Tue May 24, 2011 12:16 pm

It's sunny and warm here in NE sooooooooo

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Wed May 25, 2011 3:47 pm

Marcia (Mrs. Pete) wrote:I need a mid-week humor fix. Who's got one?

It's pick on us guys week more Thursday night

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu May 26, 2011 1:45 pm

WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..'

________________________________________

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.

________________________________________

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed the man,

'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
________________________________________

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter..

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

________________________________________

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

________________________________________

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day....

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

________________________________________

________________________________________

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee..'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'

Marcia (Mrs. Pete) · Post by **Marcia (Mrs. Pete)** » Thu May 26, 2011 6:07 pm

Oh yeah; midweek funnies! Thank-you. The last set were particularly funny.

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Wed Jun 01, 2011 2:08 pm

Another new Illness to watch out for... Anal Glaucoma

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

usvi-on-line

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