USVI-On-Line

In my experience, shower gifts are from the registry and wedding gifts are cash. I totally agree that there needs to be a range of prices on a registry. In general, here, wedding shower gifts seem to be in the $50 to $100 range.

I'm curious how those who feel people expect gifts feel about registering. It is a guideline for gifts so I guess it does show that the couple is expecting something. Thoughts?

I certainly do not agree that you should try and cover your plate, but that is a very common thought process.

The average age for 1st time brides and grooms has increased, many already have their own homes (or are combining 2) and they do not have a need to register for "gifts" Honeymoom registries used to be popular, but not so much anymore. Some brides opt out of a shower since they doen't need anything.
Flat out asking for money, is tacky.

People expect gifts at their wedding. It is part of the event. I don't see a problem with people wondering what they will get.

Xislandgirl wrote: People expect gifts at their wedding. It is part of the event. I don't see a problem with people wondering what they will get.

Agreed.

Greenskeeper wrote:In my experience, shower gifts are from the registry and wedding gifts are cash. I totally agree that there needs to be a range of prices on a registry. In general, here, wedding shower gifts seem to be in the $50 to $100 range.

I'm curious how those who feel people expect gifts feel about registering. It is a guideline for gifts so I guess it does show that the couple is expecting something. Thoughts?

Frankly, i hated the idea of registering when i got married--We were both in our 30's and pretty much had everything we needed--but my mother told me that it was expected, so i went and registered. I now really do appreciate it when people register since it does provide an idea of what their needs/desires/tastes are as a couple (afterall who need 7 blenders--well, maybe on st john we'd need 7, but not here!)--
Like i said earlier, i think i really need to rethink the whole cash gift thing--it certainly is easier--on the other hand not a day goes by when i don't use at least one of a lovely set of henkels knives and think about the person who gave them to us--or recall my (now deceased) aunt when we use the lovely platter (noton the registry!) that she gave us--this isn't to say that these persons are not in my mind ever anyway, but it's just a nice memory.

in retrospect, i should have had the guts to skip the whole thing entirely---but being my mother's only daughter.....well....it wasn't really an option

loria wrote:

Greenskeeper wrote:In my experience, shower gifts are from the registry and wedding gifts are cash. I totally agree that there needs to be a range of prices on a registry. In general, here, wedding shower gifts seem to be in the $50 to $100 range.

I'm curious how those who feel people expect gifts feel about registering. It is a guideline for gifts so I guess it does show that the couple is expecting something. Thoughts?

Frankly, i hated the idea of registering when i got married--We were both in our 30's and pretty much had everything we needed--but my mother told me that it was expected, so i went and registered. I now really do appreciate it when people register since it does provide an idea of what their needs/desires/tastes are as a couple (afterall who need 7 blenders--well, maybe on st john we'd need 7, but not here!)--
Like i said earlier, i think i really need to rethink the whole cash gift thing--it certainly is easier--on the other hand not a day goes by when i don't use at least one of a lovely set of henkels knives and think about the person who gave them to us--or recall my (now deceased) aunt when we use the lovely platter (noton the registry!) that she gave us--this isn't to say that these persons are not in my mind ever anyway, but it's just a nice memory.

in retrospect, i should have had the guts to skip the whole thing entirely---but being my mother's only daughter.....well....it wasn't really an option

Funny I had the same experience - it was my mother in law who said I needed to and was glad I registered for the same reasons. I got some beautiful handmade items that I still cherish today that really fit in with the style of the things I had registered for. I had great aunts and grandparents who gave us cash and said to "buy something nice that we wanted or needed". It gave me pleasure to be able to show them what those items were when they came to visit.

Thanks everyone for the great answers. As Liamsaunt (one of my favorite posters,BTW) pointed out, I should've went first. I've given between $100 & $400 in the past 4 or 5 years. I look up the reception place online to try and figure how much the dinner costs. I take this and how I feel about the couple into consideration. I am going to a wedding soon near Rochester, NY (I'm in NJ) and wondered if I was giving the right amount. But, as many of you said - it's a gift! Thanks again.

I didn't want to register either. I finally did but I refused to allow any registry information to go in my invitations, if people wanted to know if I was registered they had to call someone in the bridal party. Because of that choice John and I received a mix of registry stuff as well as individually chosen gifts (and cash of course!). We got married when I was 24 and were not living together before so we needed everything and were grateful for whatever people chose to give us.

OK, except for one thing. Somebody gave us a huge stuffed mouse! It was dressed in a green top hat and had a walking stick and was like two feet tall. I guess some people collect them (???) It's the thought that counts, I guess!

liamsaunt wrote: OK, except for one thing. Somebody gave us a huge stuffed mouse! It was dressed in a green top hat and had a walking stick and was like two feet tall. I guess some people collect them (???) It's the thought that counts, I guess!

OMG! That sounds like a PA wedding gift. Where is the mouse now. Please tell me you re-gifted it to a friend with a sense of humor.

Along the lines of wedding/gift/tackiness, are dollar dances common in your region?

For anyone not familar with this - a dollar dance is where guest pay $1 (usually more) in exchange for a shot of whiskey or a pack of gum and an opportunity to dance with the bride or groom. Very common in my area.

Oh my, all of this talk about bridal registry brings back memories; and not good ones (LOL).

We were both in our late 30's when we got married (first for both). We each had 2 full house loads (consolidating down to 1.5 and moving it all to Texas), so we really did not need or want a lot of presents, just a fun wedding (which we paid for). However, we lost the registry battle with the moms (but people will want to know), so off we went to Crate&Barrel and Jordan Marsh and proceeded to have some of the biggest arguments of our pre and post wedded life. "No way THATS going in MY living room?" "Would you expect me to eat meatloaf off that plate? "Huh? You expect me to make meatloaf?" Anyway, it all worked out in the end and he does occasionally get meatloaf on those dishes

As for the original question - like everyone else, it depends on the individual getting married and their needs and wants. I usually don't factor in our own travel expenses, just chalk those up to another fun vacation; and I don't factor in the wedding expenses (Ritz or backyard, all the same). Shower's are usually gifts from the registry or gift card to the store they've registered. Weddings are usually money, minimum $100, and a nice frame or a place setting of china or accessory; however, kids today don't seem to want (or know what to do with) fine china.

And in 50 years of attending weddings in the Boston area, I have never witnessed a Dollar dance. I was at a wedding in Tennessee when they did it and I was totally baffled by the whole thing. Anyway, I paid my Dollar, but didn't get a shot of anything, just a brief dance with groom and then the bride But, we (okay I) did do the Chicken dance and loved it Sadly, when I look at that picture in my album, just about everyone on the dance floor with me is now doing the Chicken dance in heaven.

PA Girl wrote:

liamsaunt wrote:OMG! That sounds like a PA wedding gift. Where is the mouse now. Please tell me you re-gifted it to a friend with a sense of humor.

Hahaha! It was given to us by a very sweet older friend of my Mom's. Anyway, I gave it to my Mom and it is now a running family joke. She brings it out every year at Christmas and hides it somewhere in the house. First person to find it gets a prize...kind of like the pickle ornament on the Christmas tree.

liamsaunt wrote:

PA Girl wrote:

liamsaunt wrote:OMG! That sounds like a PA wedding gift. Where is the mouse now. Please tell me you re-gifted it to a friend with a sense of humor.

Hahaha! It was given to us by a very sweet older friend of my Mom's. Anyway, I gave it to my Mom and it is now a running family joke. She brings it out every year at Christmas and hides it somewhere in the house. First person to find it gets a prize...kind of like the pickle ornament on the Christmas tree.

LOL It sounds like in the end, that gift has brought your family alot of joy. Is it an an Anna Lee design? My mother in law has a big collection and mentioned who to leave them to in her will. I told her my nieces would LOVE them as I didn't have the heart to tell her I think their faces are creepy (especially the little elves).

OMG Liamsaunt, you made me spit coffee all over the monitor! What in the world??? A stuffed mouse???

we were in our 40's when we married and I did NOT want a shower. However, I ended up with 2 .. long story! I only registered for about 5 things at Williams Sonoma because I read that anything that isn't purchased off your registry you can buy later for 20% off

My sisters threw me a shower of sorts for only a few close friends and the theme was "pamper the bride". So I got some great things for me and not household items.

I think the wedding gift thing is a regional thing really. A co-worker of mine got married a few years ago and the groom is from some where in PA. She said every PA. guest gave $25 per couple and that was just the way it was there. On the plus side that is what she now gives when going to a wedding on the PA. side of the family.

The standard rule around here is at least twice the cost of the food at the reception...so if the food was $25 each, $50 total for my husband and I, we will give $100. We'll spend more if the couple is close friends.

Not everybody follows this rule though, especially single guys.

We got married in 2003; our reception was at the nicest place in town (this is central IL) and a nice prime rib dinner without alcohol was $20 per guest.

To prove that it wasn't the Motel 6, here's a picture of the place:



$285 per guest in CT?? That is insanity. We definitely wouldn't be able to use our general rule...that would be a gift of over $1100!

Teresa_Rae wrote:.


$285 per guest in CT?? That is insanity. We definitely wouldn't be able to use our general rule...that would be a gift of over $1100!

The $285 is total wedding cost, if you were to take reception, flowers, photography, music, etc and divide it by the number of guests.

Reception only, you won't find anything decent with open bar under $100. There are hotels that you can get away under $80 but it will not be good, in my opnion.