Post your Tiger Jokes Here

canucknyc · Post by **canucknyc** » Fri Dec 11, 2009 10:01 am

pipanale wrote:I hate Canadians.

(I really don't, but it's always funny to abuse my Canadian coworkers. They are America's hat after all)

(sheds a single tear)

Maggy · Post by **Maggy** » Fri Dec 11, 2009 10:10 am

Haha Pip, I was just teasing you. I pushed the right button

. And I'm so happy I'm on this side of the pond

. I feel safe here.

You know, Swedes and Norwegians have a kind of hate-love for each other. We are alike but also very different. We have lots of jokes about each other and fight each other like crazy in sports. This is also the case with Danes. If a Swede can't win the olympics or similar, it's the second best with a Dane or Norwegian. But we are definitely not the same.

I think this is the way it is with many neighbor contries, another example is Australia and New Zealand.

Sorry if I hijacked the thread. The joke about seals would have been really fun if Elin was Norweigian.

promoguy · Post by **promoguy** » Fri Dec 11, 2009 12:05 pm

Sorry, Maggy. The presented was as Norway, but guess she is Swedish.

I'm sure they have seals in Sweden so just change the country.

Maggy · Post by **Maggy** » Fri Dec 11, 2009 12:52 pm

promoguy wrote:Sorry, Maggy. The presented was as Norway, but guess she is Swedish.

I'm sure they have seals in Sweden so just change the country.

Yes, we have seals in Sweden. Not too many though and we difinitely don't club them as they do in northern Norway (up in the Artic sea or the north Atlantic). Sweden has no coastline up there.

JT · Post by JT » Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:45 pm

I just got this one.

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Mon Dec 14, 2009 6:22 pm

Jt just gave that one to the guy who gives me all my jokes
Our VP of engr does a Happy Friday e-mail with all the best given to him that week, only use the PG ones on this board

bubblybrenda · Post by **bubblybrenda** » Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:07 pm

A very funny thread... except for the split-second of Canadian bashing.

No worries, we Canadians love everybody.

flip-flop · Post by **flip-flop** » Tue Dec 15, 2009 7:52 pm

Slightly inappropriate but too funny.

<object width="480" height="400" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" id="ordie_player_f70d2e5d82"><param name="movie" value="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/f ... wf"><param name="flashvars" value="key=f70d2e5d82"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed width="480" height="400" flashvars="key=f70d2e5d82" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" quality="high" src="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf" name="ordie_player_f70d2e5d82" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object><div><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/f70d2e ... ods-anthem" title="from TheHollywood3">Balls of the Tiger (The Tiger Woods Anthem)</a> - watch more <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/" title="on Funny or Die">funny videos</a></div>

Pete (Mr. Marcia) · Post by **Pete (Mr. Marcia)** » Tue Dec 15, 2009 9:17 pm

I heard of a deli serving the Tiger Special for lunch...club sandwich followed by a danish

djmom · Post by **djmom** » Thu Dec 17, 2009 7:03 pm

Need a Christmas gift idea for that special someone? Check out this link! If someone knows how to post this straight to the forum, please do!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgiCX_y1BW8

California Girl · Post by **California Girl** » Thu Dec 17, 2009 7:19 pm

By your command, Susan!

This is pretty damn funny!!

California Girl · Post by **California Girl** » Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:06 pm

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."
She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

mindehankins · Post by **mindehankins** » Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:22 pm

When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts
LOL! Yep. Not too schmart....

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:57 pm

California Girl · Post by **California Girl** » Fri Dec 18, 2009 4:41 pm

usvi-on-line

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Post your Tiger Jokes Here