Need a laugh?

LysaC · Post by **LysaC** » Wed Feb 24, 2010 4:38 pm

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

pipanale · Post by **pipanale** » Wed Feb 24, 2010 4:41 pm

How does a Southerner tenderize his dinner?

By putting the truck in reverse.

Marcia (Mrs. Pete) · Post by **Marcia (Mrs. Pete)** » Wed Feb 24, 2010 5:58 pm

I love this thread.

mindehankins · Post by **mindehankins** » Wed Feb 24, 2010 6:48 pm

Shoemak, the people of Walmart photos come from the website www.peopleofwalmart.com.
Yes, Linne, unfortunately, they are real photos

They crack me up!

SS in NC · Post by **SS in NC** » Wed Feb 24, 2010 8:16 pm

This guy signs up for a weight loss clinic, guaranteed to lose 10 lbs in 5 days. 2 days later a ring of the doorbell. Standing there in only a pair of Nike's is a beautiful woman holding a sign that says "if you catch me, you can have me!"...he ran and ran and ran...sure enough, 5 days of this and he'd lost 10 lbs. He then signs up for the 10 day 20 lb program. 2 days later, the doorbell rings and another beautiful woman, wearing only Nike's is holding a sign that says "if you catch me, you can have me!"...he ran and ran and ran...and achieved his weight loss goal after the 10 day trot. He went for broke and called the weight loss clinic and asked for the maximum 25 day 50 lb program. The representative tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted. Two days later, a guy wearing only Nike's is at his door with a sign that said "if I catch you, you are mine!" He lost 67 lbs.

LysaC · Post by **LysaC** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:22 am

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:24 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:25 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:26 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:27 pm

pipanale · Post by **pipanale** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:32 pm

I'm talking to the contractor who's doing the basement the other day.

Me: Can I use these electricians afterwards? Do they do little one-off jobs if we needed them?

R: Sure. They do small jobs too.

Me: Good. They're great and quite a cast of characters. (They really are. They could be a reality show)

R: Yea...Buddy was on his own for a while but now he's back with the 2 older guys. What are their names? I can't remember. It's Buddy and...(Frustrated that he can't remember)...Jesus Christ

Me: Can't have been him. He's a carpenter.

Poor guy looked at me like I had 4 heads.

Me: Jesus...carpenter. Get it?

Then we laughed until we stopped.

LysaC · Post by **LysaC** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:05 pm

Hahahahaha

LysaC · Post by **LysaC** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:06 pm

I used the emoticons just in case...

sea-nile · Post by **sea-nile** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:27 pm

The 4 bottles of life....

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/sea-nile/4388211075/" title="!cid__2_074003B4074000D8005096E1862576CB by jtmmrut, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4044/438 ... 363d52.jpg" width="350" height="465" alt="!cid__2_074003B4074000D8005096E1862576CB"></a>

And I am on the 3rd one already!!!!

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Fri Feb 26, 2010 9:45 am

usvi-on-line

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