Not sure we can go = Mom

Connie · Post by **Connie** » Sun May 29, 2011 2:41 pm

Mom, 88, has a mini stroke when we were down the shore this weekend. Everybody noticed it and we called 911 who took her to the hospital. We followed her there and they did a few tests. She was only in there for 24 hours, but I do think that she has lost some memory.

I have to get her to the doctors within a week. Her primary and cardiac, plus an MRI.

She is really weak and she refuses to come to our house. She's crying and not making much sense to us.

Totally exhausted, myself and my husband who are primary caregivers.

I don't know what to do. We've taken out trip insurance, but I haven't even looked at it to see if it will cover something like this.

It's more an emotional thing with me and she's very upset that she may have to ruin our vacation.

what do I do?????????????????

byado18 · Post by **byado18** » Sun May 29, 2011 2:58 pm

So from years of working from the Alzheimer's Association with family of aging parents....some suggestions....

Take a deep breathe!

Check into the travel insurance just so you know what's what regarding that.

Be supportive & understanding - make suggestions without forcing issues.Tell her you understand how she feels.

If she seems confused, and has difficulty making decisions... give her 2 choices rather than open ended question.... would you like a hot dog or a hamburger for dinner not what do you want for dinner?

Gently remind her of things she seems to have forgotten without saying don't you remember? Some people "clear up" after a TIA and her memory may slowly clear.

Try to make sure she eats and drinks fluids, takes her meds and gets some sleep.

She is probably "scared" and may not be able to express that. Any chance someone can stay at her house with her tonight?

I know you are also "scared"...it is so hard to see our parents go through these things.

Sending hugs! Let me know if you have any questions! I might have some answers.

cocosmom · Post by **cocosmom** » Sun May 29, 2011 6:27 pm

Good advice byado. Been through this and the immediate panic. How much time until you leave? At 88 is it really vital that all tests are done so quickly? First, evaluate if she can be left alone,if not what options do you have for her care. Maybe have a friend check in by phone daily? I usually panic after my Dad's medical emergencies and so does he but slow down and look at all the options

Connie · Post by **Connie** » Sun May 29, 2011 9:37 pm

Thanks all...good advise. I really have to breathe.

More to come tomorrow because I am exhausted.

AH · Post by AH » Mon May 30, 2011 12:14 pm

Connie,
So sorry to hear this. Hope all works out for you.
AH

mindehankins · Post by **mindehankins** » Mon May 30, 2011 3:57 pm

Saying a prayer that your mom does a quick turn around, and you're happily on vacation soon!

Connie · Post by **Connie** » Mon May 30, 2011 9:01 pm

Thanks to everybody for your help and encouraging words.

We leave on Thursday and we just talked to her primary care physician who is amazing.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to try to get her into her cardiac doctor, a neurologist and make an appointment for an MRI.

Tomorrow night I have a meeting with my 2 brothers on how we can make this work when I'm gone.

Daughter is staying with me now and will look after our 3 cats and also take care of Grandmom.

Mom is doing pretty good, but she's week. She also can't find the words that normally we wouldn't have a problem with. Last night when she was holding a knife to cut her chicken, she thought it was rifle. She knew that she was wrong and laughed, which made me feel better.

She was over here tonight for dinner and did pretty good and I took her home, got her to bed, turned on the AC. I will get over there first thing tomorrow morning and start the day all over again.

My Mom is an amazing woman. She was widowed when I was only 9 and she is so so sweat. After I get back from vacation, she is going to come live with us.

Again, thanks all!

Connie · Post by **Connie** » Tue May 31, 2011 8:19 pm

My brother had a meeting tonight at his house. This is the brother that hasn't stepped up to the plate in years.

Amazing!!! He's going tomorrow to get a medic alert for my Mom and him and my other brother, plus my daughter will be taking care of her when we're away.

I feel soooo much better knowing that I have family and friends that are helping.

We're off on Thursday morning and I'm relaxed, at last.

Hope to see some of you at the beach bar!

P-600 · Post by **P-600** » Tue May 31, 2011 8:51 pm

I'm so glad it all worked out for you Connie! Have a great trip!

sailorgirl · Post by **sailorgirl** » Tue May 31, 2011 9:01 pm

Great news, glad your brother stepped up!

cocosmom · Post by **cocosmom** » Tue May 31, 2011 9:08 pm

Connie, I knew it would work out. I have been in your position so many times (my dad has 9 lives, I swear). You sound just like me, I panic and get all worked up. So happy that you will be able to vaca and your mom will be in good hands. Have fun!

AH · Post by AH » Tue May 31, 2011 10:41 pm

Connie,
So glad things are working out so you will still be able to take your vacation. You are lucky your brother came around and is going to help out. Some of us are not so lucky. Enjoy your time on island. Hopefully you will come home refreshed and ready for to care for your mom again. Who knows, maybe she will make great improvements while you are gone and be able to continue to live on her own. Try to leave your worries behind and celebrate every minute you have on STJ.
AH

Connie · Post by **Connie** » Wed Jun 01, 2011 6:57 am

Thank you all!

I really appreciate all the help and support I have gotten on this forum. Even if family and friends don't understand at least you guys (can you tell I'm from the Philly area? lol) are there, not just for me, but for so many other people.

I'm 1/4 packed, have to do the wash, go to the vet to pick up food, take mom to the foot doctor, go to cvs for last minute things, go to the bank, clean the house, etc.

So much to do, but at 8:30 tomorrow morning it's take off. I think I'm going to take an ativan, take out my kindle and fall asleep.....ahhhhhhh

djmom · Post by **djmom** » Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:53 am

So happy to hear that it worked out Connie.

Why do we clean the house before vacation? I guess that is another thread

Mar · Post by **Mar** » Thu Jun 02, 2011 1:57 pm

Best wishes for a wonderful trip Connie! You deserve it! I just recently had to move my Dad also 88 (with alzheimers) into a nursing home. It was one of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make but he is doing great there - much better then he was at home. It sounds like you are surrounded but a wonderful support system with your brothers and daughter. Good luck and have a great trip!!

Mar-also from the Philly burbs

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