usvi-on-line
Feeling guilty, don't want to take kids or hubby
Phew, can I pull my stick out of that hornet's nest now? I have no doubt that our progeny knows the difference between VA beach and Chocolate Hole. My point was that there are many opportunities for the magical discoveries of childhood much closer to home for thousands less. When I scratch and save and connive enough to get just 2 of us to the island, I want to be able to relax and enjoy without having my parent antenna up with all the stress involved. I'm spoiled, since coming to St. John it seems that Maine and the Cape just don't measure up. I'm 52. I waited until my kids were in their late teens and really appreciated the island and "got it". I don't know how I'd feel starting my kids out at the top and have them say "where is the real beach?" when all I could swing is Delmarva this year.flip-flop wrote:I have to whole-heartedly disagree hat any kid under 10 can't appreciate it. We do VA beach and we do STJ and my kiddos definitely know the difference. Water temp and clarity can't compare. Don't get me wrong, I love going on my own, but I also adore the memories I've made with my kiddos there. My 8 year old saw her first turtle snorkeling last week ... not something she would experience at the Jersey Shore.California Girl wrote:My parents took me to Hawaii when I was 11 or 12 and I definitely knew the difference. And I never forgot it.Steve S wrote: Frankly, a 6 or 7 year old wouldn't know the difference between Maho beach, the Jersey shore,
Life is about balance and I need my girl time and I need my family time. I am beyond fortunate that my family gets that and that we can afford it.
Hey, anyone with the means to bring the whole clan down and successfully follow up year after year, more power to you!
I literally just got back from a girl's trip and I wholeheartedly enjoyed it. IMHO, vacations are just different with husbands and kids (not bad or better, just different) what with my husband wanting to do every activity in sight and as someone said earlier, having to have the parent antenna up. This was nice and relaxed--coffee and magazines on the porch staring at the view for hours in the morning, lazy breakfast later...maybe. We did things I probably wouldn't do like shopping in boutiques, a massage in the villa and a professional chef cooking at the villa too. My hubby (who is my best friend too) and kids just don't appreciate those things but my girlfriends do!
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CassieBelle
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 2:06 pm
- Location: Dumas, AR
Go! Guilt is for sissies and one emotion I try to avoid!! My husband flunked vacation 101 years ago and we never go on vacations together anymore unless it is Vegas or a horse racetrack somewhere....Those are the only things he really enjoys (he is a farmer so he hates anywhere hot and I am a beach bum at heart)....So, bonus for me is I get lots of girl trips! And I do believe I am a better wife and mom when I get home..
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness....Mark Twain
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PaminMaine
- Posts: 398
- Joined: Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:19 pm
- Location: Maine
I also struggled with this as well. My trip started with my husband coming. Unfortunately, he could not make it.. I could not decide for a month whether to cancel the cabin or not. I have busted my butt working and going to school full time for 2 years, and this was to be my present to myself for making it out alive! So, my solution was to bring my daughters.. 1 is also graduating ( her present) the other is turning 21 next month ( her present) Now... if I can keep up with them for the whole week. Packing lots of ibuprophen for the slow mornings!
I vote that you go.. everyone needs a time here and there to just breathe.
I vote that you go.. everyone needs a time here and there to just breathe.
It's all in how you position it...as long as you're doing this because you would get more personal fulfillment and rejuvenation out of going to STJ with your sis and you have other options during the year to go on vacation with your hubby and kids, I don't think you have think to feel guilty or worry about.
Also, did you consider the possibility of going down to STJ with your sis early (like four or five days early) and then having your hubby and kids join you later for four or five days? Or vice versa?
Also, did you consider the possibility of going down to STJ with your sis early (like four or five days early) and then having your hubby and kids join you later for four or five days? Or vice versa?
It’s not about yesterday or tomorrow...It’s about today, for come what may – Sun, rain, or hurricane – we've only time for a smile, and none for sorrow
mit43 wrote:Wow! I wouldn't want to go on any vacation without my spouse. I guess to each their own, but it is so much better sharing STJ with the one you love.
I gotta agree with MIT here...I could not leave my hubby and go to STJ..But..we do try and take a trip for us each yr and one with the kids. We did bring the kids with us to STJ last August, I dont think mine enjoyed it as much as they would have a cruise or something but I wanted my kids 12 and 13 to go to STJ because I did felt guilty in 09 when we went without them..and I wanted to see how they would enjoy it..I think they could have cared less..I dont know why I felt so guilty about it, but I really did.(maybe the fact we sorta ran away) With that said...we are not bringing them this trip but have plans with them to do another vacation with them in 2 weeks from today as a matter of fact. And then Hubby and I will head to STJ in June. We are not rolling in the $$$..our vehicles are older models and paid for...and we dont have lots of "new things" in the house. And careful planning is always involved. I know for sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt I could NOT go to STJ and leave my hubby..he enjoys it as much as I do... and hes my best friend..
I feel like we need that time for us.Everyone is different and each of us needs different things at different times in our lives. I have 4 children and can understand where you are coming from. Good luck with your decision !!!
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kristen1206
- Posts: 533
- Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:13 pm
- Location: MD
Take the trip and enjoy! Both you are your family will appreciate each other even more when you get back!
I have to disagree with Steve though about kids. While we alternate between kid and adult trips, we have been taking our almost 6 year old to the caribbean since she was a baby. And let me tell you..she sure notices the difference between the white sand clear water of the Caribbean and the beach and water of Ocean City, MD! She is a great traveler and these experiences and photographs of these experiences I think make kids more well rounded and appreciative of other countries and cultures. She can name more caribbean islands than many adults I know!
I have to disagree with Steve though about kids. While we alternate between kid and adult trips, we have been taking our almost 6 year old to the caribbean since she was a baby. And let me tell you..she sure notices the difference between the white sand clear water of the Caribbean and the beach and water of Ocean City, MD! She is a great traveler and these experiences and photographs of these experiences I think make kids more well rounded and appreciative of other countries and cultures. She can name more caribbean islands than many adults I know!
I can chime in here too...LOL about "starting your kids at the top." And I have worried many times about having our budget in place in time, especially since the economy tanked!
This is exactly what we did! My kids are well traveled. We ALWAYS travel as a family. My little man was 4 when we discovered the magic of STJ. He's almost 14 now.
Even at that young age, he knew it was special. I could see it in his eyes as he found his love of the underwater world.
Just like he knew the difference between Disney World and our local theme park, he knew the difference between the beaches of the VI's vs the others. Now it's just ingrained in his soul. He requested years ago that his graduation trip be to STJ/BVI's...just like his sister
More on point, November will mark the first time I am not traveling with our whole family. My 23 year old daughter and I are going it alone for a wedding celebration in the Caribbean...I felt horribly guilty about not taking my son, and still do a little. My only saving grace is that him and dad are doing a man trip to Cedar Point for a go at the big coasters LOL!
I don't mind traveling without my hubby. I think seperate trips or girls trips are a good thing! It's the kids that get me!
This is exactly what we did! My kids are well traveled. We ALWAYS travel as a family. My little man was 4 when we discovered the magic of STJ. He's almost 14 now.
Even at that young age, he knew it was special. I could see it in his eyes as he found his love of the underwater world.
Just like he knew the difference between Disney World and our local theme park, he knew the difference between the beaches of the VI's vs the others. Now it's just ingrained in his soul. He requested years ago that his graduation trip be to STJ/BVI's...just like his sister
More on point, November will mark the first time I am not traveling with our whole family. My 23 year old daughter and I are going it alone for a wedding celebration in the Caribbean...I felt horribly guilty about not taking my son, and still do a little. My only saving grace is that him and dad are doing a man trip to Cedar Point for a go at the big coasters LOL!
I don't mind traveling without my hubby. I think seperate trips or girls trips are a good thing! It's the kids that get me!
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GraysonDave
- Posts: 479
- Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2010 7:41 am
- Location: Georgia
I say go and don't feel guilty. I'm 51, married 25+ years, and the father of 3 girls.
On family trips my wife just can't relax. As much as I try to get her to relax and throw a couple of swimsuits and a pair of shorts in a bag and just go have fun, she can't do it. She is always worried about whether everybody else is having a good time and has everything they need.
She has gone on a few trips without the family and I can tell from the stories that she was able to let loose and enjoy them more than she did while with us. Not to say she didn't miss us, but it was different. (Now that the youngest is about to leave the nest, I sense that we are both about to enter our second childhood, or maybe a second honeymoon period. Trips for the 2 of us will be a lot more frequent and probably a lot more fun!)
I think you'll have a good time, and your husband will probably come to appreciate all that has to be done day to day to keep the household running without you.
On family trips my wife just can't relax. As much as I try to get her to relax and throw a couple of swimsuits and a pair of shorts in a bag and just go have fun, she can't do it. She is always worried about whether everybody else is having a good time and has everything they need.
She has gone on a few trips without the family and I can tell from the stories that she was able to let loose and enjoy them more than she did while with us. Not to say she didn't miss us, but it was different. (Now that the youngest is about to leave the nest, I sense that we are both about to enter our second childhood, or maybe a second honeymoon period. Trips for the 2 of us will be a lot more frequent and probably a lot more fun!)
I think you'll have a good time, and your husband will probably come to appreciate all that has to be done day to day to keep the household running without you.
I want to thank everyone for all the different and wonderful points of view.
I love my family very much and my husband is my best friend and if he wanted to go back to STJ for my birthday I would love for him to go, but he wants to try somewhere new when we do our next family trip. And I will miss STJ for 2-3 years.
As far as taking the kids to the carribean, I want my little ones growing up and seeing the world as best as I can afford to show them. My 6yr old loves STJ almost as much as her Mommma does and one day my little guy will to if I am lucky enough. I fully intend to take as many family vacations to STJ, Culebra or where ever we afford.
With my sisiter-in-law we can go on the very very cheap and she totaly gets STJ. She loves to snorkle as much as I do so we are great travelling partners.
I think I am going to do it, hey you only turn 35 once and I have always wanted to celebreate my b-day on STJ
I love my family very much and my husband is my best friend and if he wanted to go back to STJ for my birthday I would love for him to go, but he wants to try somewhere new when we do our next family trip. And I will miss STJ for 2-3 years.
As far as taking the kids to the carribean, I want my little ones growing up and seeing the world as best as I can afford to show them. My 6yr old loves STJ almost as much as her Mommma does and one day my little guy will to if I am lucky enough. I fully intend to take as many family vacations to STJ, Culebra or where ever we afford.
With my sisiter-in-law we can go on the very very cheap and she totaly gets STJ. She loves to snorkle as much as I do so we are great travelling partners.
I think I am going to do it, hey you only turn 35 once and I have always wanted to celebreate my b-day on STJ
Ding ding ding! Nail on the head! And you are totally right about the appreciation of what it takes to keep the household rolling along.GraysonDave wrote:
On family trips my wife just can't relax. As much as I try to get her to relax and throw a couple of swimsuits and a pair of shorts in a bag and just go have fun, she can't do it. She is always worried about whether everybody else is having a good time and has everything they need.
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crasherino
- Posts: 281
- Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2008 2:57 pm
- Location: NYC
Funny you say that....we have taken our son down to St. John twice now and he just turned 4. We also go down to Rehoboth Beach every summer. He happens to be in love with both places despite being starkly different. Sure if we took him only to Florida and Cancun (instead of STJ) he would still have a good time, but if we can swing it, I'd much rather be with my family in STJ than in Ft. Lauderdale.Steve S wrote: I don't know how I'd feel starting my kids out at the top and have them say "where is the real beach?" when all I could swing is Delmarva this year.
My son's a NYC kid, and listening to him announce the different beaches we passed everyday in our "Maho Bay bound blue jeep" (like it was a subway) was absolutely priceless.
