Parents with tweens: Ever heard of Mousemail?

[Agent99]

Thanks for recounting that. My first was in high school when facebook began so I didn't have to worry about it with him in middle school. I think he was a sophmore when he signed up. He would constantly forget to log out.....did I mention he was forgetful? It gave me the occasional opportunity to scroll through and I did come across a revelation or two but nothing life threatening. I do think with boys there is less drama. Most of his correspondence was with his friends in bands writing lyrics and poetry. My biggest concern was that some of the stuff seemed so dark and gloomy. How could that stuff be coming from this seemingly light-hearted kid? He told me that's why he puts the angst on paper. If there isn't one thing to worry about there is another I said to myself as I contemplated whether I have projected my propensity to worry onto my kid.

With #2, I'm sure the pleas for a facebook page will increase with school and winter but this summer it hasn't been an issure. We live in a really small town and the kids see their friends all the time in the summer so I don't think any of them feel the need as much as some who might be miles apart. I'm sure it's coming tho and I'll have to take the plunge and get a facebook myself so he has to friend me.

[djmom]

Also as part of the "deal", have him give you his password. I won't check her facebook email, but I want to be able to look on her "friend's" pages. That is where the real stuff is revealing itself.

Yes, the girls extremely active on facebook, especially declaring to the world their BFF(s), loves of their lives, etc...

There has been some dark stuff too, but not as much as I expected. It actually did also educate me about cutting/EMO types and my daughter told me all about the kids who are cutting themsleves after I asked about it. So it has been quite educational. BUT if he isn't begging for it, wait by all means!

[Agent99]

Thanks for the password tip. Not really sure of all the ins and outs of facebook. Not looking forward to it so much.

[chicagoans]

99 - Once you get that password, check the privacy settings. Facebook will default all the settings to "everyone" (or at least it used to.) That means that anyone can view your kids' pictures, etc. I changed almost everything to "friends only".

In FB, at the top right click Account, then Privacy Settings. You have to click on several parts to find everything - "Basic Directory Settings", "Sharing on Facebook", and "Applications and Websites". On that last one, make sure "Public Search" is turned off. (If the age is under 18 that should be automatic.) Also under "Applications and Websites" there is a section called "Information accessible through your friends." I unselected everything there. (It has things like birthday, city, etc. You probably don't want friends of friends to see this info, because they could be just about anybody.)

For my DD, I set "send a friend request" to "everyone"; "view my email address" to "only me"; and everything else to "friends only." You can decide what you're comfortable with; "friends of friends" is also a choice.

I used this scanner once, but the FB interface has changed since then so you still have to check things manually. But it should catch some things and it has some links to information that might be helpful. http://www.reclaimprivacy.org/

[djmom]

Agree with Chicagoans, and also it seems like everytime Facebook makes a change, the privacy settings revert back to a less private option...so check them every few months or so!

[Agent99]

Thank you both, that is great info. When the time comes I will definitely take those precautions.

[Agent99]

Thank you both, that is great info. When the time comes I will definitely take those precautions.

[ifloat]

Be aware that a lot of kids have a FB (or other social network)page that their parents look at, and then they have another one under a different user name that their parents have no knowledge of.

My kids are all grown up now, but when a great-niece visited I checked the browser history of my computer and figured out that little trick.

[Terry]

Good advice about FB. I found out that my girlfriends daughter (age 13) has a FB registered under her dogs name. It's her behind the scenes FB. It's hard to out smart a teen today.

I Google most of my friends names and it pulls up their facebook page. From there I can get to their friends FB, etc.

It's not safe and never has been. And for that reason, I will never join.