usvi-on-line
UGH
Hi DJMom!
I have 2 girls (19 and 7). Since I've been through the teen years with my oldest, the best advice I can give you is to take a deep breath and hold on for the ride. It's not easy, it's not fun, but YOU WILL SURVIVE!!
You really do watch them change overnight. When my daughter was in 8th grade I was about to crack. I talked to one of her teachers who explained to me that girls "find their place" between 7 & 8th grade. By the time they hit 9th they usually have found their "place" and know who they are. This is the most important time to help them. Just remember that you cannot change who they are, you can only guide them along the way.
It's funny how you will find that your own teen years were nothing to living though your daughters. When they are happy, you are happy. When they cry, you cry. Whey they want to hurt that cheating boyfriend ~ you REALLY want to hurt that cheating boyfriend
Anyway, just relax & breathe. It will be over with in a flash. You will look back on it one day just like you do now with her terrible two's!
XOXO
Bug
I have 2 girls (19 and 7). Since I've been through the teen years with my oldest, the best advice I can give you is to take a deep breath and hold on for the ride. It's not easy, it's not fun, but YOU WILL SURVIVE!!
You really do watch them change overnight. When my daughter was in 8th grade I was about to crack. I talked to one of her teachers who explained to me that girls "find their place" between 7 & 8th grade. By the time they hit 9th they usually have found their "place" and know who they are. This is the most important time to help them. Just remember that you cannot change who they are, you can only guide them along the way.
It's funny how you will find that your own teen years were nothing to living though your daughters. When they are happy, you are happy. When they cry, you cry. Whey they want to hurt that cheating boyfriend ~ you REALLY want to hurt that cheating boyfriend
Anyway, just relax & breathe. It will be over with in a flash. You will look back on it one day just like you do now with her terrible two's!
XOXO
Bug
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Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
- Posts: 1576
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 9:40 pm
- Location: Madison Area, Wisconsin
djmom: Take a deep breath. It's going to be okay.
My take on this is that your daughter, through FB, is safely coming out of her shyness. I'd hazard to guess that nothing happened at the movies; she's playing up the night and making it sound good and fun and throwing in a hint of something that will grab everyone's attention. If you asked the boy, he'd probably say they barely saw each other. The time for you to become most concerned is if she STOPS offering up juicy innuendo. Then, you'll know something is up.
Around here, we use the leash theory. It goes like this:
Give the child a long, long leash to start out. Trust them, and tell them that you trust them, to make the right choices. Let the child know there is a leash, because they ARE still a child. As long as they continue to be honest with you, follow the rules, they can have all of the privileges a long leash affords them.
Once they figure out that a short leash sucks and that, in essence, they are in control of the length of the leash, there might be better opportunities for continuing good communication between you.
My take on this is that your daughter, through FB, is safely coming out of her shyness. I'd hazard to guess that nothing happened at the movies; she's playing up the night and making it sound good and fun and throwing in a hint of something that will grab everyone's attention. If you asked the boy, he'd probably say they barely saw each other. The time for you to become most concerned is if she STOPS offering up juicy innuendo. Then, you'll know something is up.
Around here, we use the leash theory. It goes like this:
Give the child a long, long leash to start out. Trust them, and tell them that you trust them, to make the right choices. Let the child know there is a leash, because they ARE still a child. As long as they continue to be honest with you, follow the rules, they can have all of the privileges a long leash affords them.
Once they figure out that a short leash sucks and that, in essence, they are in control of the length of the leash, there might be better opportunities for continuing good communication between you.
Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
Missing St. John. As always.
Missing St. John. As always.
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Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
- Posts: 1576
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 9:40 pm
- Location: Madison Area, Wisconsin
You guys are great therapy. I just wish I had something fun to inhale when I take that "deep breath" 
Marcia, you are right on with the Facebook. I think she felt validated by it and the fact that tons of people wanted to be her friend and that they actually posted stuff to her. It has been a good thing for her in that respect.
It is basically just hard to see a kid change so quickly. All of her other friends went through this gradual transition since about 5th grade, while she just did it all in about 6 months. My father said at Christmas if he didn't know she was coming to visit he wouldn't have recognized her. But she is doing this all quite tastefully and she looks beautiful-just older so fast.
So I will try to take that deep breath. And if I don't have anything to inhale, I guess wine will do.
Marcia, you are right on with the Facebook. I think she felt validated by it and the fact that tons of people wanted to be her friend and that they actually posted stuff to her. It has been a good thing for her in that respect.
It is basically just hard to see a kid change so quickly. All of her other friends went through this gradual transition since about 5th grade, while she just did it all in about 6 months. My father said at Christmas if he didn't know she was coming to visit he wouldn't have recognized her. But she is doing this all quite tastefully and she looks beautiful-just older so fast.
So I will try to take that deep breath. And if I don't have anything to inhale, I guess wine will do.
"Sponges grow in the ocean...I wonder how much deeper it would be if that didn't happen."
Oh, I forgot to tell you. They said "I love you" the first week. She told me he called and he was like nervous and all out of breath and just blurted it out.
So what does she do? She tells him she loves him. She didn't want to hurt his feelings. They had been "going out" for two days.
This is why I am worried.
What if he says that his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex?
(I have obviously started drinking that wine. The girls are at art class and have a ride home LOL)
So what does she do? She tells him she loves him. She didn't want to hurt his feelings. They had been "going out" for two days.
This is why I am worried.
What if he says that his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex?
(I have obviously started drinking that wine. The girls are at art class and have a ride home LOL)
"Sponges grow in the ocean...I wonder how much deeper it would be if that didn't happen."
Call me the bad mom, but I had our family Dr. put my girls on the pill at age 12. They actually were having horrible cramps and it helped. It also put my mind at ease a bit on the possibility that they would become pregnant. The other lecture was for them to wait and not give it away...not to mention safe sex. Turns out that the whole "opportunity" didn't happen for them until early college...but they didn't have any cramps! 
As far as the wine mode goes...you will need a distrillary to get you through this chapter.
As far as the wine mode goes...you will need a distrillary to get you through this chapter.
Last edited by Terry on Tue Mar 23, 2010 6:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
- Posts: 1576
- Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 9:40 pm
- Location: Madison Area, Wisconsin
Hi Terry, I'm not going to call you a bad mom. In fact, quite the opposite. I did the same for two of my daughters. In our case, it was SEVERE acne. We are talking scars, for one of our daughters. We did it too late for her. And, yes, it does offer protection, from pregnancy. BUT NOT AGAINST STDs and AIDS. For that, we talk. About making good decisions and being smart.
Therein brings up the leash I mentioned earlier. "I'll trust you, my sweet child. Implicitly. Unless you give me reason not to."
Good times, good times.
Now, it's time to call my hair stylist, my gray hair is starting to rear its ugly head.
Therein brings up the leash I mentioned earlier. "I'll trust you, my sweet child. Implicitly. Unless you give me reason not to."
Good times, good times.
Now, it's time to call my hair stylist, my gray hair is starting to rear its ugly head.
Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
Missing St. John. As always.
Missing St. John. As always.
I dont think you are a bad mom at all..Infact when my daughter is ready..(and I pray its along time) I hope she will come to me and tell me...Id ten times rather put her on the pill than have her be a teenage mom..and deal with a child at such a young age..not to mention how it will impact the rest of her life...who knows...maybe Im the bad mom... now Im not saying I condone her to do "that" but I think if thats what they want to do...they will find away to get away with it...better safe than sorry....Terry wrote:Call me the bad mom, but I had our family Dr. put my girls on the pill at age 12. They actually were having horrible cramps and it helped. It also put my mind at ease a bit on the possibility that they would become pregnant. The other lecture was for them to wait and not give it away...not to mention safe sex. Turns out that the whole "opportunity" didn't happen for them until early college...but they didn't have any cramps!
As far as the wine mode goes...you will need a distrillary to get you through this chapter.
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Boston Mike
- Posts: 974
- Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 5:41 am
- Location: Boston, MA.
Okay...oldest daughter, 29, went out for a couple glasses of wine last night with co-workers and got stopped and got a DUI. Sh_t! She spent the night in De-tox instead of jail. She blew a .2. Car was impounded and cost $180 to get out.
Talk about UGH! I'm so done being a parent.
She is an intelligent girl that made a bad choice last night. Now it's going to cost us $$ with an attorney to hopefully land a decent plea.
Worst case...she loses her drivers license and job and has to move back home.
Signed...too old to deal with!
Don't want to derail this thread but any advice on this would be appreciated.
Talk about UGH! I'm so done being a parent.
She is an intelligent girl that made a bad choice last night. Now it's going to cost us $$ with an attorney to hopefully land a decent plea.
Worst case...she loses her drivers license and job and has to move back home.
Signed...too old to deal with!
Don't want to derail this thread but any advice on this would be appreciated.
I feel bad for you...been there, done that...I have a 24 yr old thats going thru the same thing...and as bad as I hate it for him...He has to learn, and I have not bailed him out on any on it...He has paid all the fines and lost his license for yr. I figure if I did bail him out and paid any atty fees or court costs...it wouldnt teach him a thing..I always thought it would be easier once they go older...Yeah Right...at least with my 2 younger ones...I know where they are and what they are doing...for now anyway..
Terry wrote:Okay...oldest daughter, 29, went out for a couple glasses of wine last night with co-workers and got stopped and got a DUI. Sh_t! She spent the night in De-tox instead of jail. She blew a .2. Car was impounded and cost $180 to get out.
Talk about UGH! I'm so done being a parent.
She is an intelligent girl that made a bad choice last night. Now it's going to cost us $$ with an attorney to hopefully land a decent plea.
Worst case...she loses her drivers license and job and has to move back home.
Signed...too old to deal with!
Don't want to derail this thread but any advice on this would be appreciated.
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Greenskeeper
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 2:07 pm
- Location: Cape Cod, MA
Sorry for your pain Terry.Terry wrote:Okay...oldest daughter, 29, went out for a couple glasses of wine last night with co-workers and got stopped and got a DUI. Sh_t! She spent the night in De-tox instead of jail. She blew a .2. Car was impounded and cost $180 to get out.
Talk about UGH! I'm so done being a parent.
She is an intelligent girl that made a bad choice last night. Now it's going to cost us $$ with an attorney to hopefully land a decent plea.
Worst case...she loses her drivers license and job and has to move back home.
Signed...too old to deal with!
Don't want to derail this thread but any advice on this would be appreciated.
Your daughter went to detox rather than jail because she blew a .2- that's more than 2X the legal limit and probably means she drank more than a "couple glasses of wine". (I don't know your daughter's size etc so can't be certain) Is she an alcoholic? If so, perhaps the court will require counseling and get her help.
No matter what the case, it is evident you immediately go into "help" mode. You're a mom, why wouldn't you? But in the long run, you are not helping your daughter, you are enabling her behaviors.
JJ Shaw has it right. It stinks but paying consequences for ones actions is the only way to learn a lesson. It's difficult when the consequences are this serious but no one was hurt or killed and that should be of some solace.
Good luck with this. I truly feel for you. It's really obvious you have your daughter's best interest at heart but sometimes you have to step back and really ask yourself what is happening over and over again vs. what the desired long term outcome is. It might be time for tough love.