usvi-on-line
How does this happen?
I'm with Rick and the tough love approach. Your first mistake was letting them move in! Man, you are a better person than I am.
I have enough of my own dog's pee on my carpet, I couldn't handle someone else's dog excrement.
Surprisingly I am less confrontational than my hubby but I always use him as bad cop. He has a way of telling people what they don't want to hear without getting emotional or mean. A trait I highly admire in him.
So, I'd keep the emotion out of it, give them a deadline and expect them to be out.
I have enough of my own dog's pee on my carpet, I couldn't handle someone else's dog excrement.
Surprisingly I am less confrontational than my hubby but I always use him as bad cop. He has a way of telling people what they don't want to hear without getting emotional or mean. A trait I highly admire in him.
So, I'd keep the emotion out of it, give them a deadline and expect them to be out.
Lots of questions:
He does not work. (Wait for this one). He has a felony conviction on his record for credit card fraud. Tomorrow is court. His community service may not be done. that's the excuse for not working.
Her parents: Dad is a deadbeat in Vegas. Mom has said she can't/won't help.
My brother: He's written his friend off because he's a deadbeat.
Kids: They have none.
Booze: The house has gone dry.
I don't know. The happy guy in the hula skirt is gone. I don't have the energy for any of this. I'm just so cooked right now.
Not a plea for sympathy...just a fact.
I want my life back
He does not work. (Wait for this one). He has a felony conviction on his record for credit card fraud. Tomorrow is court. His community service may not be done. that's the excuse for not working.
Her parents: Dad is a deadbeat in Vegas. Mom has said she can't/won't help.
My brother: He's written his friend off because he's a deadbeat.
Kids: They have none.
Booze: The house has gone dry.
I don't know. The happy guy in the hula skirt is gone. I don't have the energy for any of this. I'm just so cooked right now.
Not a plea for sympathy...just a fact.
I want my life back
http://www.hud.gov/local/index.cfm?stat ... c=homeless
some resources for homeless/forclosed persons (if go back a page, you get the foreclosed stuff--too late for them)
I know it must be difficult, but you have to tell them they need to be out--set a short timeframe and tell this guy that he has worn the bonds of whatever friendship you have too too thin.
Do this before you leave for PA--otherwise it will be making you even crazier from afar.
good luck.
some resources for homeless/forclosed persons (if go back a page, you get the foreclosed stuff--too late for them)
I know it must be difficult, but you have to tell them they need to be out--set a short timeframe and tell this guy that he has worn the bonds of whatever friendship you have too too thin.
Do this before you leave for PA--otherwise it will be making you even crazier from afar.
good luck.
< leaving on the 22nd of march...but too lame to figure out the ticker thing again!>
Pip, you're getting good advice here. You did a nice thing, but these people are using you right now. Sounds like they are terribly immature and irresponsible. My guess is there are good reasons other than the one stated above that his or her family won't take them in.
Give them a date you can live with for them to move. Where they go is not your problem. It's theirs. Expect them to have 100s of excuses why they can't, but be firm.
Don't jeopardize your family's happiness, safety and security for someone who clearly is so indifferent to and unappreciative of your situation. Your first duty is to your wife and that beautiful little girl.
Give them a date you can live with for them to move. Where they go is not your problem. It's theirs. Expect them to have 100s of excuses why they can't, but be firm.
Don't jeopardize your family's happiness, safety and security for someone who clearly is so indifferent to and unappreciative of your situation. Your first duty is to your wife and that beautiful little girl.
When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else. – Mark Twain
Like that he stole pills and $$ form her grandmother?pjayer wrote:Pip, you're getting good advice here. You did a nice thing, but these people are using you right now. Sounds like they are terribly immature and irresponsible. My guess is there are good reasons other than the one stated above that his or her family won't take them in.
Yup...we picked a hell of a time to answer the phone, didn't we?
Send them packing. Change the locks. 28 y.o. couples should be on their own or living with mommy and daddy. Don't be their mommy and daddy.
Since they don't have kids, you can be a bit more tough. You don't want this to turn into a Pacific Heights situation. Rent it if you want to see a bad renter/guest.
Since they don't have kids, you can be a bit more tough. You don't want this to turn into a Pacific Heights situation. Rent it if you want to see a bad renter/guest.
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California Girl
I just re-read your first post, I somehow figured kids into this situation. Now that I realize there aren't any kids involved, I'd send them packing! And now that you've revealed that this guy is flakey as flakey can get, I send them packing!
I can't even feel sorry for these people that they "lost" their house. When anyone stops paying their mortgage, they lose their house. It's not your responsibility to take care of these people. They just sound like bad news and the sooner I could get them out of my house the better!
I can't even feel sorry for these people that they "lost" their house. When anyone stops paying their mortgage, they lose their house. It's not your responsibility to take care of these people. They just sound like bad news and the sooner I could get them out of my house the better!
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NoTanLines
- Posts: 112
- Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:41 pm
- Location: McLean, VA
Definitely change the locks! 
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They don't have kids? I thought they had kids too.
I am probably the kindest soul you'll ever meet. I've done way more for my friends than most people would probably do. However, these people are beyond your help, and they're not even your friends.
I have an aunt who is like this. She has lost her home not once, but twice due to foreclosure. As long as you enable people like this and do things for them, they will not do anything for themselves.
If you feel bad about leaving them homeless, drive them to a Motel 6 or La Quinta and go pay their bill for the first night. Then, they're on their own. It says a lot if their friends and family have given up on them. It sounds like they have hurt a lot of people. Don't let your family be next.
I am probably the kindest soul you'll ever meet. I've done way more for my friends than most people would probably do. However, these people are beyond your help, and they're not even your friends.
I have an aunt who is like this. She has lost her home not once, but twice due to foreclosure. As long as you enable people like this and do things for them, they will not do anything for themselves.
If you feel bad about leaving them homeless, drive them to a Motel 6 or La Quinta and go pay their bill for the first night. Then, they're on their own. It says a lot if their friends and family have given up on them. It sounds like they have hurt a lot of people. Don't let your family be next.
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piscesgirl0314
- Posts: 598
- Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2008 12:31 pm
- Location: Chesapeake, VA
I'm a tough love kind of girl...I'd tell them they have two weeks to find some place else to go. I'm still confused as to how YOU ended up with them if your brother has written him off...I'm a creature of habit and can barely take a weekend house guest...I like my privacy...so...they'd have to go!!!
I showed the Mrs the thread and then went to the gym to go beat on an exercise bike.
I just got home.
"Did you read it?"
"yup"
"and?"
"Tell them all to go walk a mile in our shoes"
And it's not that either of us are "mad" at you guys. Because, I'd say the same thing to any of you. In fact, I'd be using far better language.
She has said: "If we need to leave to go to a hotel, let us know."
Stop yelling "Then tell them to go" all of you. It's not that easy. Remember: I'm a raging a-hole. In fact, the "she" in this barely likes me. That said, even I can't just throw 2 people out onto the street. If any of you have told a person who has come to you in tears begging for shelter, for their very lives, to scram, then you're stronger people than we are.
Again...not "mad" at anyone here. I don't even know any more. We're ripping apart at the seams. (Somehow, turning to you goons and writing it all our makes me feel a little less bad. )
Back on topic:
Let's run the numbers: The local Extended Suites (and Hepatatitis) America hotel will run them $70 per night after taxes and crap. 2 weeks = $1000. They haven't eaten or done laundry.
Where are they coming to eat?
Here.
Laundry (That my loving wife did for them last week)?
Here.
So, what does this get me? Peace between 11 - 6. Great. Then, in 2 weeks, the money is gone. Then what?
They're not getting the GD house back. It belongs to Freddie Mac! One would need to buy it in order to live in it. One would need a mortgage in order to buy it. One would need money and credit to get one.
Thanks for listening everyone. I don't know what I want more. The hug or the kick in the balls that brings me back to reality.
I just got home.
"Did you read it?"
"yup"
"and?"
"Tell them all to go walk a mile in our shoes"
And it's not that either of us are "mad" at you guys. Because, I'd say the same thing to any of you. In fact, I'd be using far better language.
She has said: "If we need to leave to go to a hotel, let us know."
Stop yelling "Then tell them to go" all of you. It's not that easy. Remember: I'm a raging a-hole. In fact, the "she" in this barely likes me. That said, even I can't just throw 2 people out onto the street. If any of you have told a person who has come to you in tears begging for shelter, for their very lives, to scram, then you're stronger people than we are.
Again...not "mad" at anyone here. I don't even know any more. We're ripping apart at the seams. (Somehow, turning to you goons and writing it all our makes me feel a little less bad. )
Back on topic:
Let's run the numbers: The local Extended Suites (and Hepatatitis) America hotel will run them $70 per night after taxes and crap. 2 weeks = $1000. They haven't eaten or done laundry.
Where are they coming to eat?
Here.
Laundry (That my loving wife did for them last week)?
Here.
So, what does this get me? Peace between 11 - 6. Great. Then, in 2 weeks, the money is gone. Then what?
They're not getting the GD house back. It belongs to Freddie Mac! One would need to buy it in order to live in it. One would need a mortgage in order to buy it. One would need money and credit to get one.
Thanks for listening everyone. I don't know what I want more. The hug or the kick in the balls that brings me back to reality.
Oh, so you are also likely dealing with an addict in addition to the other personality traits? Helps explain some of the lying, denial, etc.pipanale wrote: Like that he stole pills and $$ form her grandmother?
We had one of those in my family, I feel your pain.
Good luck and I hope you can get it all resolved sooner rather than later.