USVI-On-Line

Hi all - Our 14 year old son is driving us crazy wanting a facebook. He is going into 8th grade and claims all the kids have them - they do not but alot do. I told him tonight he is not getting one right now and then he went into (oh you do not trust me) it is not him we do not trust it is what the other kids write. Anyway, our decision is made for now but just wanted to hear from other parents in this situation. Thanks for letting me vent. Just to let you all know our son is a good kid, who gets good grades, is involved in sports and just started working caddying -it is just so scary raising kids sometimes. ok - thanks again for listening.

My kids are older but when they were younger it was myspace when we let them they had to friend us

One of the moms on here lets her daughters have them but totally monitors them! HOpefully she will comment!

We allowed our kids. The rules were:
We were "friends".
We had their passwords.
If they ever closed out a screen or minimized when we came into the room they lost privileges.
Privacy controls were such that only friends could view their pages, phone numbers and addresses etc were not visible.

My 14yr old daughter has one...and it is monitored to the point if she gets an email...I am notified...and I have gone in and read them..and probably will read them again before its over...I have her password and she knows what she is allowed to give out as far as info and what is not to be given out..I keep an eye on her friends lists...and if there is someone who I feel uneasy about...I will not hesitate to go in and...A. Email them myself..B. delete them...then block them..or both...I try to stay on top of it...and for the most part feel comfortable with her being on there...one thing I have noticed...with my son (13) (who also has one, same conditions) Like everything else....once the new wears off it..They arent on it as much..So I wouldnt worry about letting them have one..but by all means..be nosey...be bossy or whatever it takes...and just know what they are doing anywhere on the Internet...not just facebook....

Well we let both of our underage at the time daughters (13 is the age to be on there) have accounts - but - we have full access to them and also to their emails at this age (10 and 13). To me it is part of growing up at the moment - sort of like Elvis shaking his hips to other generations, etc. I am not crazy about it, but think it is better to let them do it with supervision than not. My .02 cents!

I have friends who have let their young 12-16yr olds have them but they have to friend their parents and other family members and friends. That means there are many eyes watching. I have another friend who asks me from time to time to check on her daughters pages to make sure they are secure. That people who are not their friends cannot see them. One friends daughter was suspended from school and kicked off a sports team for something that happened on FB. The parents of the kids involved thought they had addressed the situation and all was resolved. All the posts had been deleted. The school somehow got screen shots of the posts before they were deleted and all involved were disciplined. One friend let her daughter have an account but not using her real name. Doing anything on the internet, especially social networking, has far reaching consequences and rewards that we can't even begin to imagine yet. I agree with your decision. It can always be revisited in the future.

My older two kids have them (ages 17 and 14). They have them set as private, where only their friends can see, and no phone numbers, on there. I have their login and password info and check very very frequently. Honestly, I kind of like it. I learn alot about their friends, which helps me know who I'm fine with them hanging out with and who I don't want them around.

I think somebody posted a thread once about this before-security of pictures that have geotags attached.

Shouldn't be an issue if everything is private, but still interesting

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/12/techn ... asics.html

I admit to not participating in facebook at all...
What can I saw, I'm an introvert and proud of it

And yay, my ticker says 3 months!

I have a 13 year old girl, almost 14. I was against Facebook at first, but have to say I am really glad we decided to let my daughter get it, for many reasons. I have the password and check her wall just about every day.

Like others have said, I have learned a LOT about her friends and kids in the school. It has been a great opportunity to show her posts made by others and then ask her what she thinks of the posts and does that give a good impression of that person. I have also had an "opportunity" to censor some posts she has made. Basically fairly innocent things that just didn't make her look good, like "liking" something off-color that a friend posted. I am glad I could have her delete it and explain why she should.

I actually think it has helped her grow. She barely posts at all because of all the stupid things that other girls post. It has been a great learning experience for her. I think if she had been driven to "sneak" it, she would not have benefitted.

The deal is that if she abuses it, she loses it.

Of course she has the max on all of the privacy settings too.

Finally, I did just recently bust her for going to an R movie. She told me she was going to one movie, but her friend bragged on Facebook about how the two of them snuck into a different one. It was great to catch her! Not proud of it, but reinforces that I am watching.

Negatives of Facebook: many for unsupervised children, but in our case it has been pretty good. She also doesn't spend hours on it anymore, basically checks it for about 1/2 hour each day.

Good luck. Actually the boys don't seem to use it nearly as much as the girls, so it might not be as bad as you think. Good luck~

Thanks everyone - We have decided that we will revisit this again in November - that is what I told my son. It is not that we do not trust him just some of the stupid things kids say on facebook. I did tell him that I would be his friend on facebook and he is fine with that. I will have to show my husband this post as he is the one that is totally against it - does not know much about facebook, etc. I just think that kids these days have so much with cell phones, etc that one more thing like facebook can wait a bit longer but appreciate all your input. I even told our son that we would be limited on facebook. He is very busy anyway with sports and school so I think the facebook will be a novelty at first and then wear off at least that is what I hope. Thanks again.

our School clubs and classes use Facebook to post videos and pics of kids, sports, events, etc.

They also even have some homework assignments and activity updates on FB.

It's a great way to keep up with Activities at the school.

As long as you are friends with your kids on FB you can keep up with what is being posted and make sure it is appropriate for your child.

We have the same kind of rules for my 14 y.o. daughter that Greenskeeper uses: I set up her page so I have the password and she had to friend me. I go there periodically to check on the privacy settings -- sometimes Facebook adds or changes things so you have to keep on top of it. For example, I disabled the part that allows a search for her via Google and the part that does face recognition. Only friends can tag her and view tags if someone else tags her; only friends can see her pictures; no one can see her personal info (email, etc.)

If your son has a smart phone and wants to post pictures online, consider disabling the geotagging feature for photos. (Links below.)

We have rules about the kids' phones too: charged every night in the kitchen so the kids don't get late night texts. And they have to use passwords on the phones and only very close friends can use their phones. (I made that rule after reading about kids getting in trouble for “sexting”. I don’t want other kids using my kids’ phones! Story: http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2011/05/26/ ... r-sexting/ )

Some additional info:
http://www.allfacebook.com/facebook-pri ... gs-2011-02

http://icanstalku.com/how.php

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/12/techn ... asics.html

This is a very important stage in your childs life. It's a very social type of situation they are in at 14. Good luck!

I would monitor their account, but lets face it, they could be at somebodies house one night and make their own page which you wouldn't even know about.

Chicagoans and everyone else. When he gets his facebook I will do those things such as monitor and he will be my friend and he is fine with that. It is my husband who has to be convinced and once I show him this post I am sure it will help. Yes, I realize he could set up his own page but I am also on facebook and stalk his friends open pages He know I do this too! He is a good kid and I told him will look at this again in November once I see his grades which have always been good but that is my excuse right now. The sexting thing is scary and I think from now on will tell him he keeps his phone out of the room so no late calls - I do have him turn it off at 9:30 on school nights. Yikes - so scary with all these gadgets the kids have these days. Thanks again for everyone's input.