USVI-On-Line

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Looking for feedback on this program which screens texts and emails. I'm wondering if others have heard of/ tried it. I'm considering it...mostly so I can screen / approve who has access to the ute electronically. Also, not a prude but have noticed some of the texts coming in using some raunchy language and I'd just as soon nip any bad habits in the bud before they become second nature. Families have different tolerance levels for profanity and I admit mine is short.

I'd appreciate others thoughts. Don't want to be a helicopter parent but do want to keep a rein on the electronic wild west.

Agent99 wrote: Don't want to be a helicopter parent but do want to keep a rein on the electronic wild west.

Absolutely nothing wrong with monitoring what is going on with your kids. A sign of a good parent.

Not for the faint of heart, parenting!

Hi 99 - thanks for posting this. Haven't heard of it but I'm going to look into it. We have rules that the phones are charged in the kitchen overnight (no texting late at night!) and I have password access to DD's Facebook page and she had to friend me, and they have to let me read their texts if I ask.

BUT there are so many coming in; you're right, it's hard to keep up with. DH shook his head when we got the last phone bill -- DD had about 1800 texts and DS about 1500 -- in a month. I had 23. Yep, 23. (Silly me, I actually use my phone to talk.)

The funny thing is, most of those texts are only a word or two, and sometimes just a letter. They send a receive alot of texts that just say "K". (Apparently "OK" takes too long to type?)

Agent99 wrote:Not for the faint of heart, parenting!

Not for the faint of heart, for sure. This general topic has come up before, here on the OT forum, but it's always good to keep bringing up.

We have (I know you are all tired of hearing the drill here but, some of you may be new) four children ages 19, 18, 18 and 15.

We've pretty much seen it all, the good the bad and the ugly. Name one teen "crisis" and I bet I can tell you about an experience here, in the last four or five years, involving it. It hasn't been all bad, in fact, we are pretty damn proud of where our children are. But, it's messy out there. The whole "I want to catch every rain drop before it hits my child" thought that I had as I held them as babies went flying out the window on the first big storm.

To quote my friend Rob, I don't have any point here, I just wanted to add my 2 cents worth.

You got teen questions, ask me and Pete. We are somewhere between "in the throes" and "almost done" with it. And, somehow, we're all still speaking to each other and our children.

How old are everyone's kids? (Thanks Marcia, I didn't know how old your children were! And bless you! 4 teens!) My son is 9 and I am starting to really look into all of the parental control stuff. I keep a close eye on what goes on at home, but we are talking cell phone in the near future, and I want to learn all I can before we get there. For now, it seems like my guy is learning a lot more than math and english at school. He's come home with some doosies. When he was singing "Sponge Bong Hemp Pants" I found out that he learned it while in computer class at school. Lovely.

Ahh, parenting. Thought it was over, then our 29 year old moved home. Wake up call...it's never over. At least not until hubby and I are in a state where we need care given to us.

Our kids are 27 and 29. We are very proud of them. Sometimes transitions happen and moving home for a short stay is just what needs to happen. At 29, she won't want to be here for very long, trust me. Her goal is one year or less...she's hoping for the "less". However, having the dinner menu created for the week and the groceries for the menu purchased plus prepared...this has been an added bonus. The house is clean when we get home from work and I appreciate all that she does around the house plus cooking meals.

I don't want to relive the teen years again and I'm sorry for those of you that are heading into that storm. Get through it the best you can. Technology was only pagers when our kids were that age and cell phones were bricks and hubby was the only one that owned one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80olbDws8r0&NR=1

Great hearing everyone's replies. Mine are 19 and 12. It's the 12 year old's phone that concerns me. Like Chicagoans mine texts more that talks on the phone. Recently, the girls have been joining in and I just want to keep a handle on things. This looks like it has software to catch certain words or phrases if the topic gets inappropriate. I'd like him to stay 12 while he is 12 if you know what I mean.

Marcia, you deserve some kind of a plaque or something for surviving 4 teens at a time!

Terry, that video was awesome! And you're right...it's never over!
Ours are 22 and 20 (Blaine's) and 21 (mine). We married when they were 16, 15, and 14, but managed to keep our marriage together through the tough years.
Being a parent is SUCH a challenge, and SUCH a joy! Hats off to all the parents out there, making tough decisions.

I go back and forth over this kind of stuff. As the parent of a girl, it might be different. She is turning 13 next week.

My fear about a lot of the filtering is that the kid just decides to spend their time at friends who don't have the filtering. I lose even more control in that situation.

I think I have learned the most by having her facebook password and looking at her account very regularly, and looking at the posts from her friends and acquaintances. Samme with texting. It is shocking, but it has presented the opportunity to talk about these topics with my daughter. If I wait till later to give her these freedoms she will be older and less likely to talk about it. I am more inclined to take away the phone, etc...if I catch her doing something inappropriate.

More later! Good question and Lots to think about.

I have a parental question!

My two are 11 (boy) and 13 (girl) both soon to have birthdays and going into 6th and 8th grades at the local middle school.

We live in a fairly affluent area. (It's not too unusual to spot a Bentley or a house sell for multiple millions.) Kids around here have alot of "stuff."

We struggle a bit between being able to provide nice things for our kids versus teaching them the value of working for things.

Today my son's bike was stolen from the pool. It's his fault - he forgot to lock it. Yes, I'm pissed, partly at him and partly at the situation. (We filled out a police report etc.) He feels really awful.

I like him to be independent and not expect a ride everywhere -- so he takes his bike to friends' houses, the parks, the pool, school, etc. We also enjoy biking together as a family.

So we COULD go out and get him another bike. But what does that teach him? I don't mind telling him that now he has to walk everywhere (within reason), but do we stop our family bike rides?

I think his next bike will be a used one. I'm going to check Craig's List (who knows, I may even find the one that was stolen)

What would you do?

PS - I've started reading "The Price of Privilege". Good book on kid issues.

Oooooo, the bike one is a good one! What a spot to be in. I think that I would buy another used bike for him, but only let him use it for family outings until he's earned it in full by doing lots of extra chores around the house. If he has any birthday money, or anything like, I'd make him pitch in some money as well. The bike is a privileged for sure, but family time is way too important to have him have to sit out.

As far as teens go, I was Horrible, I mean really bad. It started when I was 15, like someone flipped a switch, and didn't really let up until I was 18. The resentment I had for my parents didn't really go away until I became a mother myself. I can't imagine what kind of crap I would have go into if I had the internet when I was young. Access to all that information and the lack of maturity to know how to use it properly!

Sorry about the bike, Chicagoans. Kids make mistakes. I'd be more inclined to go hard line if he is normally careless and loses stuff constantly.

My husband and #1 son misplace things often (have you ever read one of my trip reports? Not exaggerating). #2 son and I seem to be more detail oriented and rarely misplace things or forget to button up details like locking stuff up.

I wonder sometimes if it's the way the brain operates. All three are very intelligent and my husband and #1 son are very considerate people and not at all types that would be careless with their things just because they know that items can be replaced with ease. I don't get it but at the same time wanted to try to teach #1 how to check behind himself. The only way I know how to do that is to let him suffer the consequences of losing his stuff. It's probably too late for husband, but then he does suffer the $$ consequences of the lost stuff.

The first couple of months of college #1 lost his room key and school ID which he had to report and pay a fine to the school. If he lost them again he'd get written up. He never lost them again. Lost his phone once and luckily someone found it and called it and returned it. A couple of his best paintings were stolen but they were on the walls of his suite and he never considered that someone at a party might take them. Hard lessons but that's progress.

As far as the facebook page, #2 doesn't have one yet. He wants one though as a lot of the kids do have them. His friends moms and I are resisting but the point you make djmom is a good one. I have to think about that.

ooooh good bike question!

I would lean towards getting him a very basic used bike. Making him buy the lock for it. Then if he wants a better bike than you are offering, for him to pay the difference between the used and the new? Or work at home (real work) to pay it off.

Yes Agent 99, the Facebook has been way more good than bad. It was awful at first because she was on it all the time. And the kids join all these stupid "groups". But the big big upside, I'll give you a few examples:

1. kids in our neighborhood posting about getting drunk- a boy I thought was pretty nice...now I can tell her to stay away from him.

2. she has a friend who is always getting in fusses with people and her mom says she is getting picked on. Well, I see the messages she posts and I see why she has trouble. She provokes people. She also "pouts" when she doesn't get her own way and really practices some emotional blackmail. (Her mom is just like that).

3. Kids talking about the crazy things they did at the mall- acting drunk, accidently breaking things, acting like they have mental issues.

This is just a drop in the bucket. I'll call my daughter over and have her look at these things and ask her what she thinks. She is learning a lot and also learning that I now know about all this stuff and that I will NOT tolerate it. She is also using great discretion and not posting much. I am not sure if she has learned from others who over post, or if she knows I will see it. But regardless, she is thinking twice before she posts.

So yes, I have almost pulled my hair out over Facebook, but I don't regret it a bit. You probably won't either, the boys don't use it nearly as much as the girls.

Thanks for recounting that. My first was in high school when facebook began so I didn't have to worry about it with him in middle school. I think he was a sophmore when he signed up. He would constantly forget to log out.....did I mention he was forgetful? It gave me the occasional opportunity to scroll through and I did come across a revelation or two but nothing life threatening. I do think with boys there is less drama. Most of his correspondence was with his friends in bands writing lyrics and poetry. My biggest concern was that some of the stuff seemed so dark and gloomy. How could that stuff be coming from this seemingly light-hearted kid? He told me that's why he puts the angst on paper. If there isn't one thing to worry about there is another I said to myself as I contemplated whether I have projected my propensity to worry onto my kid.

With #2, I'm sure the pleas for a facebook page will increase with school and winter but this summer it hasn't been an issure. We live in a really small town and the kids see their friends all the time in the summer so I don't think any of them feel the need as much as some who might be miles apart. I'm sure it's coming tho and I'll have to take the plunge and get a facebook myself so he has to friend me.