USVI-On-Line

Help! My mother in law and I were having a conversation recently. We are both going to a baby shower and she asked me how much I was spending on the gift. I told her ($100) and she thought it was perhaps too much but she commented "what did she know, it's been so long since she went to a baby shower". I was in the same boat.

It got me to thinking, I have 2 graduations, one college and one high school to attend. What is the appropriate or average gift amount of money to give these days?

I guess it depends on how close you are to the person. $100 used to be a standard for a wedding gift but maybe that is not enough anymore. Maybe find out where they are registered and get a gift.

I don't know if there is a "rule." For me it depends on my own finance, how close I am to the person and whether or not I will also give a gift when the baby is born. DEcide on a total amount and then divide it between the shower and when the baby is born.

sea-nile wrote:I guess it depends on how close you are to the person. $100 used to be a standard for a wedding gift but maybe that is not enough anymore. Maybe find out where they are registered and get a gift.

I took that into consideration and it does seem like shower gifts are more like wedding gifts used to be.

I did end up buying a couple of things on the registry that were about $100 total.

byado18 wrote:I don't know if there is a "rule." For me it depends on my own finance, how close I am to the person and whether or not I will also give a gift when the baby is born. DEcide on a total amount and then divide it between the shower and when the baby is born.

Splitting the amount is a great idea. Never thought of that.

When I was younger, I gave what I could afford, I didn't have a choice. I think my gifts were more thoughtful and meaningful though. I treasure the gifts that my friends and family gave to me that they had made or gone to great lengths to pick out because their budgets were small but good wishes were abundant.

Then I got to the point where over drinks friends would do the "what are you giving X or do you want to go in on a gift". We had a standard amount to go by which was very helpful. Now, I'm at a point where I want to be appropriate and not over give or under give.

What I consider lavish, some might consider standard or visa versa. I guess I don't want to appear cheap but I also don't to appear that I am flaunting either.

Depends on your relationship with the figt receiver, your realtionship with your current bank balance and what the occasion is.

My avergae for baby shower's is @ $50 unless it's, like, my brother or someone very close.

My average for a wedding is $75-$100 again depending on the relationship.

Graduations can be money or a thing depending on where the graduate is in life- workforce or not, shlub or not, etc.

I take several factors into consideration.

And, if you ask me, I think gift giving has gotten totally out of control in terms of expectations. A gift is a gift- there should be NO EXPECTATIONS from the reciever. The receiver should appreciate whatever gift is recieved. That's how I was brought up.

Unless it's a close family member or friend, you wouldn't find anyone in our group giving 100.00 gift for a baby shower. We are in the midwest and our family/friends are all middle of the road with some a few millionaires thrown in, but not a ton. I find myself spending anywhere from 30-50.00 on a baby shower gift. For most friends and family, I'm buying something after the baby is born too.

For our wedding I received several 50.00 checks and several 100.00 gifts from close family and friends. One of the most meaningful gifts was a 5.00 bill inside a sweet card from an elderly aunt who is a on a very tight budget. I'm not someone who'd much rather have you there and sharing in my joy then worrying about if you could afford a gift.

I do know a few people where if you don't buy a gift in the range they expect they'll get rid of it. Those people don't get gifts from me anymore!!

I always say buy what you are comfortable with and if the person doesn't realize it's you celebrating with them that's most important, that's on them!!

Gifts have definetly gotten out of hand.

We just went to a wedding. Husband gave them $200.00.

We just had a christening. Another $100.00

A graduation gift. Another $50.00

A wedding in May. Another $200.00

I just think I'm going to have to start turning things down. All of these people are close to us, so that's the most we would ever put in an envelope. We're not rich and it's getting old real fast.

I'm wondering the same thing. My son just turned 13. Many of his classmates are having Bar/Bat Mitzvahs this year and are inviting the entire grade. I knew what to give when his best friend had his Bar Mitvah a few weeks ago, but what about kids that he doesn't really have a connection with- except that they're 1 of 36 in the class.

EXCUSE ME...... it's NOT the amount, it's the thought! Times are not so easy for everyone right now. Do ONLY what you can afford, with NO pretense or regrets.

They'll be happy with what ever you can do....

Been there, done that!!!

STX lady wrote:EXCUSE ME...... it's NOT the amount, it's the thought! Times are not so easy for everyone right now. Do ONLY what you can afford, with NO pretense or regrets.

They'll be happy with what ever you can do....

Been there, done that!!!

WOW, emotional hotbed topic. LOL

I think we all agree the thought is what counts.

But as you said, TIMES ARE NOT EASY FOR EVERYONE RIGHT NOW. Fortunately, for some they are not bad either.
What some can "afford" could be much more than what would be appropriate to give so that formula doesn't always work. Also given current situations for many, as a gift giver one does not want to OVERDO it either and look as if flaunting.

I'm giving what I'm comfortable giving in all situations and will continue to do so but really was just looking for averages. It seems there aren't any.

I posted this same question on another board and got some interesting reponses:

One woman said she decided on what to spend on gifts on whether she felt she was being invited to "make more $" or they legitimately desired her to be there to celebrate. My thought is why even go if you think you are there for the gift? Free food?

Connie wrote:Gifts have definetly gotten out of hand.

We just went to a wedding. Husband gave them $200.00.

We just had a christening. Another $100.00

A graduation gift. Another $50.00

A wedding in May. Another $200.00

I just think I'm going to have to start turning things down. All of these people are close to us, so that's the most we would ever put in an envelope. We're not rich and it's getting old real fast.

Connie, your wedding gift amount is more in line with what I've seen in recent years. I haven't been to a graduation, shower or Christening in quite some time so I did not know if they too had inflated by double. Back when I was married 15 years ago, most of our friends were getting married too and $100 was standard. Back 10 - 13 years ago, shower and Christening gifts were $25 - $50.

I guess we also should take into consideration the number of these events that we have to attend. We've only had one wedding in recent years. Writing a check for a wedding gift might not seem like a big deal but if you get 2 or 3 in a season, it becomes very expensive.

LysaC wrote:
And, if you ask me, I think gift giving has gotten totally out of control in terms of expectations. A gift is a gift- there should be NO EXPECTATIONS from the reciever. The receiver should appreciate whatever gift is recieved. That's how I was brought up.

I don't feel that the events that I've gone to or are going to have "give me a good gift" strings attached. I have read posts by gift givers that feel the same way you do about expectations or being invited for "the gift". I'm not sure why someone would do that or why the person invited would even bother going if that was the case.

Nic in KC wrote:One of the most meaningful gifts was a 5.00 bill inside a sweet card from an elderly aunt who is a on a very tight budget.

I totally agree with you. I have a cherished photo of my great aunts and grandmothers at my wedding. We hired a bus to take them all to our wedding so they could be comfortable that they would get to and from safely and not feel as if they were burdening anyone else- a group of strong, independent women . I don't remember what they gave us as gifts, I only remember that they had a wonderful time and felt very special and included.

Nic in KC wrote:One of the most meaningful gifts was a 5.00 bill inside a sweet card from an elderly aunt who is a on a very tight budget.

I totally agree with you. I have a cherished photo of my great aunts and grandmothers at my wedding. We hired a bus to take them all to our wedding so they could be comfortable that they would get to and from safely and not feel as if they were burdening anyone else- a group of strong, independent women . I don't remember what they gave us as gifts, I only remember that they had a wonderful time and felt very special and included.