USVI-On-Line

Posted: **Mon Dec 28, 2009 4:56 pm**

[quote="California Girl"]

Elephant Parts by Mike Nesmith!

Ah, yes, Mr Nesmith. The father of the music video.
People say he was just Monkeeing around

Posted: **Mon Dec 28, 2009 5:56 pm**

JT wrote:
California Girl wrote:
Elephant Parts by Mike Nesmith!

Ah, yes, Mr Nesmith. The father of the music video.
People say he was just Monkeeing around

Nah, he was too busy singin' to put anybody down.

Posted: **Mon Dec 28, 2009 7:02 pm**

Just a bit off color:

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, were vacationing in Texas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looks him over, "Nope."
Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looks up and says, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope," she replies.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!"
Margaret replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."

Posted: **Mon Dec 28, 2009 8:03 pm**

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

Posted: **Mon Dec 28, 2009 8:15 pm**

Posted: **Mon Dec 28, 2009 8:15 pm**

Posted: **Tue Dec 29, 2009 8:33 am**

This is why we have angels on our Christmas Trees.

Santa and Mrs Claus had just finished up a fight. It was dark, and Santa stormed out of bed. In the process he tripped over some toys.
Seething, he went downstairs just as the doorbell rang.
There, at the door, was an angel holding the most beautiful Christmas Tree ever.
"Where can I put this, Santa?"

Posted: **Fri Jan 08, 2010 11:31 am**

broken link

Posted: **Fri Jan 08, 2010 11:32 am**

broken link

Posted: **Fri Jan 08, 2010 11:33 am**

broken link

Posted: **Mon Jan 11, 2010 7:02 pm**

Comments overheard as the new economy sets in:

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!!
The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2010 10:39 am**

broken link

Posted: **Fri Jan 15, 2010 10:40 am**

broken link

Posted: **Tue Jan 19, 2010 12:08 pm**

This "Look out!" bit on the Daily Show last week slayed me.

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Posted: **Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:24 pm**

broken link

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