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Teen curfews
Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:04 pm
by Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
For those of you with teens, what curfew do you set?
For us, it's 11:00 PM one weekend night, 12 midnight, the other weekend night. Their choice of which is which, but we need to know in advance.
I know what other families do here but I'm curious about other parts of the country...
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 7:01 am
by mdcoles1
I have 2 teens...one who follows every rule and one who never met a rule she wouldnt break...
Ours curfews are/were 10:00 school nights 17 and over....and went from 11:00 -12:30 (beginning at 16 with the later being at 18 ) on weekends. By the way, I now hate summers because of the lack of structure.
During the week, school is their job and that needs to be the #1 priority. So, less than a 3.0 and you dont go out during the week! Summers weeknights ranged from 10:30 - 11:30 depending on the age/ activity. I have to work and cant sleep until noon!
The hardest thing for us has been having a college sophomore home for breaks and what to do. I need a curfew so I know when to get worried...that one is negoitable with the kid getting more input depending upon what they are doing...I am pretty flexible at this point, but I still have to get up early and need them to respect that.
I HATE how they get ready to go out at 10pm. I was never a night owl and my worries increase as the sun sets...
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 7:05 am
by P-600
My boys are 16 and 17. Their curfew is 9:00 on weeknights if their homework is done. 12:30 on Friday and Saturday night. They must be home for dinner at 6 except on weekends.
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 7:07 am
by P-600
I must add that they are normally within walking distance from our house. Hanging with their friends in the neighborhood.
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 8:13 am
by mindehankins
Our kids didn't have a set curfew time. It depended on what they were doing, and changed every night.
Oh, and I agree with you, mdcoles....this going out at 10PM is for the BIRDS! It's normal for me to arise for the day, and the kids haven't gone to bed yet.
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 8:22 am
by sailorgirl
This is a tough one.
We had two girls, two years apart in age. They spent half the week with us and half with their mother. Of course that adds a whole other level of issues.
Their social life was closer to their mother's house then ours so often the younger one got the benefit of a later curfew so as not to penalize the older, in an attempt to cut down on travel time. Ordinary going out... they had an 11:00PM curfew weekends until they were 16 then it went to midnight. If there was some special event it was adjustable.
Weekdays no going out just to hang with friends, they could do that after school. If there was an event then that was different.
If there was some special event it was adjustable.
I agree the hardest part is after they go off to college.
Warning... the bigger problem was what they were doing here when we were at work. Now that's a whole other story!
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 8:50 am
by pipanale
My parents, as always, were odd.
I had really no curfew during the week because I wasn't allowed out for anything. Come home from swimming, eat, homework, pass out.
Weekends, I had an 11:30 curfew.
However...the moment I started dating the young lass who would later bear my children, my father removed all curfews. My old girlfriend was 16 and the new one was 21. (Go Rob) He rationalized that I was now dating an adult and could behave as such.
Yea...that was a good idea. Out until 2:00 for the rest of the summer, being a bad boy with the witchy woman who had seduced me and stolen my heart.
I don't look forward to having to think about this when Little Miss 7 gets older. to say nothing of the baby.
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 9:14 am
by Connie
I think everybody is getting off easy. Even when I was 20, and engaged, I had to be in by midnight!
My Mother called the Spectrum one night when we went to see ELO, notoriously known for being on stage late. She called and wanted to know if they could page me. These were in the days of no cell phones.
I think one important thing to note is that there is ALWAYS a phone somewhere. Don't make your parents nervous if your late, just call.
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 9:24 am
by liamsaunt
My curfew was exactly what you said, Marcia. 11 PM one weekend night, midnight the other. 10 PM on school nights. I will admit to "extending" my curfew by coming home on time and then sneaking back out my bedroom window.
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 10:18 am
by Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
Thanks everyone, this is interesting. We seem to be a bit more strict than others, we don't allow our kids to go out on school nights (unless there is a school sponsored function like the homecoming bonfire, school play, etc...). We have bent the rules for things like a concert that ran late but generally, the kids know the parameters and don't seem to grumble too much about them.
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 10:49 am
by sailorgirl
liamsaunt wrote: I will admit to "extending" my curfew by coming home on time and then sneaking back out my bedroom window.
That's exactly what Im talking about!
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 10:54 am
by XOXO
I have been so lucky--more so than my poor parents.
When my husband and I set up our house we intentionally set it up to be the house where all the kids hang out. We have lived here since my oldest was in 1st grade and kids have hung out here since.
Right now we don't have a curfew. We don't need one. If they go to the movies everyone comes here afterward. They aren't drinking--just hanging out playing games. Last weekend they played poker until 3 am.
On school nights it depends on the event (games are pretty far in rural Iowa) and also on grades and homework. Right now my youngest son needs to work on his grades so he hasn't been allowed to go for the last 2 weeks.
A girlfriend and I were talking about the different rules she has for her 2 boys. Her older son has to be home at midnight. My kids called her younger son to come here at midnight and she said sure. As her older son was taking off his shoes he started to complain so she explained that she knows that his brother is going to be where he says he is going to be and doing what he says he his doing because he has never given her a reason not to believe him. Which isn't the case with the older son.
I think she is a great Mom! So far, I haven't had to change the rules. I really do think the rules should depend of the child's behavior and the situation. I have heard of parents who make their kids be home at 12 for prom--which is absurd.
The answer I think is to be flexible and communicate with your child. If they ask for a later curfew find out why. If they haven't given you a reason not to trust them I think let them know it and give them a little freedom.
Just my opinion.
Gina
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 11:33 am
by DELETED
DELETED
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 12:20 pm
by Berlingirl
GinaXOXO wrote:I have been so lucky--more so than my poor parents.
When my husband and I set up our house we intentionally set it up to be the house where all the kids hang out. We have lived here since my oldest was in 1st grade and kids have hung out here since.
Right now we don't have a curfew. We don't need one. If they go to the movies everyone comes here afterward. They aren't drinking--just hanging out playing games. Last weekend they played poker until 3 am.
On school nights it depends on the event (games are pretty far in rural Iowa) and also on grades and homework. Right now my youngest son needs to work on his grades so he hasn't been allowed to go for the last 2 weeks.
A girlfriend and I were talking about the different rules she has for her 2 boys. Her older son has to be home at midnight. My kids called her younger son to come here at midnight and she said sure. As her older son was taking off his shoes he started to complain so she explained that she knows that his brother is going to be where he says he is going to be and doing what he says he his doing because he has never given her a reason not to believe him. Which isn't the case with the older son.
I think she is a great Mom! So far, I haven't had to change the rules. I really do think the rules should depend of the child's behavior and the situation. I have heard of parents who make their kids be home at 12 for prom--which is absurd.
The answer I think is to be flexible and communicate with your child. If they ask for a later curfew find out why. If they haven't given you a reason not to trust them I think let them know it and give them a little freedom.
Just my opinion.
Gina
Gina...please elaborate on how you set up your house as the hang out spot. I know kids like privacy, however we're very space limited...Thanks for any tips!
Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 3:29 pm
by flip-flop
By virtue of having a very well behaved brother 3 years older, I got out of having a curfew. Never had one as long as I was with him. When I was 16, he went to college. My mom never tried to unring that bell and I never gave her reason to do so. Its good to be the 2nd born.
That said, now that I have my own kids, I am thinking no going out during the week and 8pm curfew on weekends until they are 21. Chaperoned dates. That sort of thing