USVI-On-Line

OK, Mom 86. Very opininated. Still tells me what I should do.

We booked a trip for husband and myself in early May this year for a trip in May 2010. May 5th till May 15th. We made the plans BEFORE he got engaged.

My nephew, my godson decided to get engaged and he's getting married on May 14th.

Mom is more pissed that we are going to be away then she is happy for my nephew. She says that we should change all of our plans to be at the wedding.

I tell her.."Mom, I didn't know Joe was getting married our plans are set and I can't change them".

Know what she says to me? I'll pay for you to change them, just tell me how much it is.

What to do?? So much guilt.

Is her name Lillian and did you go to Catholic school?? We might be sisters.

Seriously, it is a long way off. If she's willing to pay the difference to change the dates a few days, and it means so much to her, I'd let her pay the difference and go a little sooner. If that is the ONLY time you can go within that time frame.........boy I don't know. I guess you kind of need to go to the wedding. If it was a "shot gun" wedding, and it was next month, I'd say too bad. This is one of those rock and hard places. Let us know what happens. I understand the guilt.

If $$$ is the only reason the dates are set and she is willing (and able) to cover the change fees, why not change them and have your vacation and eat the wedding cake too?

If there are other reasons, well, that could be a whole other thread.

Of course, I could be siding with your mom since next week is the 2 year anniversary of my mom passing away.

I think you will enjoy the rest of this year much better if you go ahead and change the dates!

Jamie

jdw wrote:I think you will enjoy the rest of this year much better if you go ahead and change the dates!

Jamie

That is very true.

You can probably change the villa date with no problem. Changing the air will cost some, but not a fortune. I'd just change the date, pay any penalties myself, and enjoy the wedding. Stuff happens. At least this is happy "stuff". (I do understand that mother guilt.)

Connie I would try to change the dates...
I try to live with no regrets. You could very much regret not attendng this wedding. We attended a family wedding 4 yrs ago. 2 months later we lost an Aunt, and so many people commented on the fact that they just danced and laughed and built more memories of that Aunt on that wedding day. It was the last time many of us saw her and it was a happy day. I would have really regretted it if I had missed that wedding....
Sounds like your Mom is going to make you regret it before the wedding even happens.
Good luck with whatever you decide....

I wish my problems were as easy as this.

What are your choices here?

1. Keep your plans, miss the wedding, be on your vacation and feel ___________ : a.) happy to be on vacation, no worries or b.) guilty to be on vacation or c.) wishing you were at the wedding.
2. Change your plans and rearrange everything (all extra expenses of doing so being paid for by Mom). Which might involve: a. flight changes b. baby sitting changes (I don't know if you have kids or not) c. dog/cat sitting changes (I don't know if you have a dog or cat) d. work changes (this can be HUGE!).
3. Ask them to change their wedding date because of all that has to be done on line #2.

Is this about you, your family or your nephew/godson?

Good luck with all of this. Keep us all posted.

I'll be the voice of dissension here. I think people make way too big a deal of weddings anyway.

I was in a similar, although not exact, position May 2008. The Mother-in-Law was on this trip also. After we booked our trip and made arrangments, my husband's first cousin (aka the Mother-in-Law's nephew) set his wedding date while we were going to be gone. We went anyway. His mom was a little miffed but the kids getting married really couldn't have cared less.

That said, it depends on how close you are to the nephew, how much YOU want to be at the wedding, and how HE feels about it....not so much what your mom thinks. I say talk to him, see if it's really important to him, and then decide what you'll feel best with.

Connie,

If enough people reply to this, you'll likely get every piece of advice possible, in which case you'll either need to decide who is the most credible, and/or who's advice matches most closely to what you really want to do.

In the end, that's what it will come down to - balancing the guilt, regret, fun, incovenience, etc. until you decide where YOU are really at in this.

Not trying to minimize everyone's contributions here - often other's thoughts are the same ones we have, but for some reason they haven't surfaced yet.

Good luck with your decision!

I think that if you are very close to your nephew/godson, then you should change your plans.

If you guys are not very close (and particularly if he's younger and will spend most of the reception with his friends and not with family any way), then keep your plans. Maybe consider picking up a special wedding day gift your first day on island, have it shipped back express with instructions it is to be opened BEFORE the wedding - something to let him know you're thinking of him on his special day.

Sounds to me like your mom is more worried about what OTHER people will think if you're not there. Only you can decide how much that matters to you.

I would side with changing for mom. Not for the nephew, you know you won't have any time with them or whatever...who cares about the wedding.

But at your moms age...just if you are able to be flexible it might be worth it. You would hate to have a tense/broken relationship for a year (or more).
You will come out on top if you change the date. And if you can do it happily (with a smile), all the better.

Unless she is the type that is always starting fights.

But if this is really important to her and she is willing to help you out...it might be worth it.

Even though techinically, you would be in the right to keep your plans, I think continuing on will put a damper on it for you.

Consider changing the date as a wonderful gift for your mom.

Here is my hard and fast rule when it comes to Mom:

If mom says it is important, it is important.


I know that everyone has a different relationship with their mom and their family, but after all I put that woman through for the first 20 years of my life, the least I can do is make sure that I do what she asks.

She isn't asking you to cancel, just make a change. In my book, it is a no-brainer.

VickiH wrote:I'll be the voice of dissension here. I think people make way too big a deal of weddings anyway.

I was in a similar, although not exact, position May 2008. The Mother-in-Law was on this trip also. After we booked our trip and made arrangments, my husband's first cousin (aka the Mother-in-Law's nephew) set his wedding date while we were going to be gone. We went anyway. His mom was a little miffed but the kids getting married really couldn't have cared less.

That said, it depends on how close you are to the nephew, how much YOU want to be at the wedding, and how HE feels about it....not so much what your mom thinks. I say talk to him, see if it's really important to him, and then decide what you'll feel best with.

DITTO!!!! I agree with Vicki 200%...

Thanks all. I was able to make all the changes today. It cost $300.00 for the change of the tickets, but well worth it. We're now going April 29th till May 8th.

I am close to my nephew and as our family is getting smaller it is important to be at this gathering.

I feel better now and I know it was the right thing to do. Mom is VERY happy and I guess that's what most important in the long run.

Thanks